In todays fast paced world life comes at of from all points. Top and bottom and side to side. We make decisions on the basis of how we think and feel. Sometimes these are made blindly, sometimes they are the products of hind sight...lessons learned in the past being applied now to the future. But, sometimes, our mind will take truths and distort making our judgements clouded and the process of making intelligent decissions next to impossible.
Ever second guess your self or the actions you are about to make?? The chioces we make are jus that...our own. Chioces that shape the future direction in which our lives will proceed. Everything is a chioce. What we choose matters.
I choose solitude. This way I cannot hurt those in which I care most about. I have hurt many. But no more. This is my chioce. I don't pretend to understand why or how this comes to be. I have never woke on any given day saying that today I'm going to hurt this person or that person. It seems that as soon as someone starts to get close to me and begins to care for meI find myself in a panic and start to push them away.
I just did this to a very beautiful person who deserves so much moreout of life...someone who has given so much and has asked for nothing in return. She has a warm heart and the kindest person I know. She has been hurt many times and now once again, by me. Karen, I am sorry for betraying your love, trust and friendship. You are a good person and I should have never ever doubted you. You brought me closer to who I'd like to be, but fear that I will never be. Please foregivefor what I have done and understand that I will never hurt another like I have you. I will be seeking the help of a PROFESSIONAL who can help me understand who I am and why I hurt those who get to close. I wish you the best in the future and all the happiness you can handle. I am sorry...
SCRAPPER