ponyboygt's blog: "Lost Souls"

What I do today will determine who I will be tomorrow. Busy making plans for tomorrow, living life today, reflecting on yesterday... All these combined together is the circle of life. Are we born only to die? What about the in between times? Tomorrow...will it come? Will I finish out the day? Yesterday has come and gone. Was it a good day?...Yes. What is it that I seek...do you seek it as well? Is it here or there...where must I look? Is it something real, or something in which I feel. Is it fate, or faith I'm looking for. Or, is it just simplly you? Our paths have crossed. Do we now walk the same road, can we swap shoes and will they fit. Is this who we are, or am I who you are looking for. Why are you around every corner...behind every tree, waiting for me to find you. I lookked there once...do I return and look again or shall I move on to find you there, waiting once again. And what if I don't see you...do you come to me. Shall I wait for you...Are you waiting for me. When will the path cross again...today, tomorrow, this hour, or do we walk along side each other and do not know? Where are you now? Are you looking for me while I look for you? I feel you presents close by. Do you feel me?? Do we now share the same Time and Space?

In todays fast paced world life comes at of from all points. Top and bottom and side to side. We make decisions on the basis of how we think and feel. Sometimes these are made blindly, sometimes they are the products of hind sight...lessons learned in the past being applied now to the future. But, sometimes, our mind will take truths and distort making our judgements clouded and the process of making intelligent decissions next to impossible. Ever second guess your self or the actions you are about to make?? The chioces we make are jus that...our own. Chioces that shape the future direction in which our lives will proceed. Everything is a chioce. What we choose matters. I choose solitude. This way I cannot hurt those in which I care most about. I have hurt many. But no more. This is my chioce. I don't pretend to understand why or how this comes to be. I have never woke on any given day saying that today I'm going to hurt this person or that person. It seems that as soon as someone starts to get close to me and begins to care for meI find myself in a panic and start to push them away. I just did this to a very beautiful person who deserves so much moreout of life...someone who has given so much and has asked for nothing in return. She has a warm heart and the kindest person I know. She has been hurt many times and now once again, by me. Karen, I am sorry for betraying your love, trust and friendship. You are a good person and I should have never ever doubted you. You brought me closer to who I'd like to be, but fear that I will never be. Please foregivefor what I have done and understand that I will never hurt another like I have you. I will be seeking the help of a PROFESSIONAL who can help me understand who I am and why I hurt those who get to close. I wish you the best in the future and all the happiness you can handle. I am sorry...