Drea2up's blog: "My Poetry and other things I've written"

Must I look forward to being haunted every day for the rest of my life by the good and bad memories of my love Gus? I ran into an old friend from high school recently who I discovered is also a widow. She asked me how long since I'd been widowed and my reply was "2 years, 2 months and 3 days." She looked taken aback and said "Oh wow, it's only been a little over a year for me...but I couldn't tell you to the day how long it's been." I can't possibly know what her life and love and marriage were like, but I know how much I lost when this universe took MY man from me, and I STILL want to punch a big jagged hole in it for taking him from my side, and from my arms and from my bed. There remains however two places from which I believe no powers of this universe or the next can ever wrest his memory from and that is my Heart and my Soul. He has always been a part of me, and he always will be. Even tho I haven't felt his flesh in two years two months and five days now, I STILL feel his love, and that is both a comfort and a source of immeasurable grief to me.

Originally written Sunday, September 03, 2006 Gus was the sunshine of my life. A gifted healer who used Wicca and nature to manipulate what he wanted. He wanted to help everyone.There was so much more to him than "meets the eye"... Powerful, sexy, always slim, very handsome with long curly brown hair, moustache and chin whiskers shot through with red attesting to his Irish heritage. His power and energy were tangible things felt by everyone who came near him. Every moment of our time together is etched in my memory and carved upon my heart and soul like a wound deep inside me threatening to bleed away my spirit. I will always Love you Gus, wherever you may be.......... copyright ©2006 by the author. All rights reserved by author.

I wrote this Poem for Gus, less than a month after he died in my arms. Those were very dark days for me, I no longer cared to be alive. I wanted only to be with him wherever he was and I kept remembering how he had saved me and his Little Sister both on the same day from domestic homicide. We owe him our lives, but we couldn't save his. We still talk on the phone once in a while, she and I, but it's very hard for both of us as we are living reminders to each other of happier times when Gus was with us, holding us within his strong arms and surrounding us with his powerful love and protection. Erica called me the other day to share with me the happy news that she is going to have a baby girl in April. I knew I had to somehow for her sake hold back my tears this time until after we hung up. Somehow I did. But once again I was reminded of when Gus saved us, both she and I, and on the night that he did it, after I fell asleep safe at last, he told his little sister it had been the proudest day of his life. I am so lucky to have been a part of his life and to have been showered with his unconditional love, and honored to have been the only one present at his passing, at his request... Gus’ Proudest Day Gus~ You Loved me each day Like it was your last day So Strong My Rock My Man We made perfect balance The two of us together Behind me always you’d stand. Your eyes how they touched me Like words never could When you looked at me they shone First time I saw you And then when you touched me I knew I had finally found home. Beautiful Blue Eyes Like the sky before a storm Dusky blue happiness danced Complete Total Love I saw in those eyes Always they held me entranced. My days are now spent lost Inside thoughts of you I was really expecting you’d Live Then you took your last breath Your heart beat no more I still can’t believe you are gone. Great memories haunt me The Gingerbread House in the rain Roswell Valentines Flagstaff Engaged On constant rewind in my brain. You in your Glory Rescuing and protecting I remember how you’d grin when you’d say “I’ve got two women with me, Who both left their old-men, With Me, on the same day!” I’ll always remember With each breath I take I have you to Thank for my Life I’ll always remember and can never forget You intended to make me your wife. Finally we’d found What we’d both always wanted Happiness Trust and Respect My dream for our next life Is we’ll meet when we’re young And live happily ever after I expect. By Andrea L. Bois MARCH, 2006 In Loving Memory of Gus McKinley Killen May 22, 1964 to February 12, 2006 My Hero, My Best Friend, My Soul Mate copyright ©2006 by the author. All rights reserved by author.

I still feel your Love, it's why I miss you so much. I still feel your love tho I'll never again feel your touch. It's a fist round my heart, it tears at my soul, this missing you so badly is making me old. I want to let go, so your soul can evolve, I want you to find peace and finally rest my sweet love. So I try and I try as each day passes by to turn loose my hold on your love so true. But the harder I try, and the more I am told "Let him go" the more I get blue. I don't know what to do, how to just BE, without you. ~For Gus By ALB 03/05/08 copyright ©2008 by the author. All rights reserved by author.

Today I got the plaster splint off my arm. Goddess what a relief that was. It was squeezing my swollen flesh so badly I was in tears last night... I had surgery a week ago to screw a titanium plate into my shattered wrist. It's a T shaped plate, with the top of the T across my wrist and the leg of the T screwed into my radius bone. The Doc had to make a 6 inch incision on the inside of my arm and a 3 inch one on the top/outside of my arm. The post op report says it was a challenging repair. It's been a challenging month, let me tell you! Three weeks went by before the Doc decided I needed surgery... His report says "Even with good volar (palm side of forearm) exposure and elevator in the fracture site all the way to the dorsal (back side of the arm) extent of the fracture, it was not possible to achieve acceptable reduction. Therefore, it was necessary to perform a dorsal approach as well. In other words he had to open up both sides of my arm to successfully affix the plate. He goes on to say "An effort was made not to completely separate the multiple fracture fragments. Reduction was achieved with some difficulty. A fixed-angle volar plate was used with multiple distal pegs to provide the best support for her severely comminuted (bone shattered into many fragments) articular (joint) fracture. The plate was sutured with the shaft of the radius with 3.5-mm screws and distally multiple divergent fixed-angle pegs were placed. Multiplanar fluoroscopy confirmed accurate fracture reduction and hardware placement." I noticed on the x ray, he used 7 pegs ~ my lucky number...and a sacred number. After the splint was removed today the Doc took a look at it and said it's looking good and to just leave the steri strips over the incisions alone and they will come off on their own in a few days. After he left, the nurse came in and sarted to tear the steri strips off. Well you can see in the photo that the incision looks good but there are ugly blood blisters all along the outer edges of the strips. She started to pull on one and I kicked her reflexly in the foot with my foot as I said "no" and pushed her away with my good hand! LOL! I told her the Doc said leave them, can't you see that's blood and I pointed to the bleeding she had started. HA! She was just trying to clean it up she said. I said well if you look you'll see my skin is as thin as paper and will come right off with the tape so lets just leave it. She will be real happy to see me again! LOL! Now I rest and heal for two more weeks, in a removable adjustable splint, then I'll begin physical therapy...

Otherwise known as 'nonlocality', quantum entanglement has been decisively verified by a number of physicists since 1982. It's a strange property in the subatomic world that Albert Einstein disparaged as "spooky action at a distance" and was one of the major reasons he so distrusted quantum mechanics. In layman's terms it can be explained as the ability of a quantum entity such as an individual electron to influence another quantum particle instantaneously over any distance despite there being no exchange of force or energy. This suggests that quantum particles once in contact retain a connection even when separated, so that the actions of one will always influence the other, no matter how far they get separated! This discovery has shattered the very foundations of physics. In short it means that the world at it's most basic, exists as a complex web of interdependent relationships, forever indivisible... The ramifications are mind blowing and infinite, especially where they apply to death and life-after-death. That is my main interest in studying this phenomenon. If this interests you, may I suggest reading THE FIELD By Lynne McTaggart

Open jars open child proof pill bottles drive a stick shift ctrl alt delete! wash dishes wash dil*os take off snug fitting boots button buttons put on bracelets and necklaces butter toast wring out a face cloth or tea bag file your nails floss your teeth play guitar pop a pimple squeeze out shampoo clip your nails

The five days post wrist repair surgery report... The pain and the swelling are what I would call significant. The pain I'm controlling somewhat with motrin and percocet, but the swelling...well I'm a sweller. So I had it on ice for the first 48 hours every minute I was awake and even while asleep some. My hand and my now sausage-like fingers are the only part I can really ice. The cold doesn't penetrate the cast. My faithful loving fur babies are keeping a close eye on me. Here's the visual...