Drea2up's blog: "Remembering..."

THE WAY IT WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN DATE: 06 Mar 2007 By Andrea L. Bois Love was all we knew, and time stood still. He would bring me red roses just because he saw them and thought of me, not because it was any special day. He'd play with my hair while I slept, and laugh when I'd look in the mirror at the mess he'd made of it. He'd wake-me with breakfast in bed, just because he loved to cook for me and see the look on my face when I opened my eyes to what he'd made. He'd sit and watch me eat, having already eaten while he was fixing mine he'd say. He never made a thing that I didn't love completely. I'd rub his back every night to put him to sleep, marveling at the beautiful tattoo he had there, across his shoulders and all down the center of his spine, with my initials he'd had added at the top, above his own. Resting my head on his shoulder, enhaling his scent, I'd often fall asleep too while rubbing his back, but not until after he did. I was always the last one asleep and the last one awake. He was always the first one asleep and the first one to wake. These were things we could always count on, like the sun rising in the east and our love for each other. Here in the real world, love doesn't always have a happy ending. The love hasn't gone, but he has. "If tears could build a stairway, and memories make a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again." ~Unknown "What Lies Before Us And What Lies Behind Us Are Tiny Matters Compared To What Lies Within us." ~ R. Emerson "Fate is a destiny created by oneself, which is inevitable and unavoidable, due to one's own karma." ~Dick Sutphen Gone One Year Now DATE: 16 Feb 2007, 11:52 am / MOOD: Hurt He stood now at the edges of her dreams His long powerful arms extended As he called to her across the misted distances Between the worlds of the living and the dead And begged her not to forget him...

ATTENTION ROCK FANS! DATE: 22 Feb 2007 It has come to my attention that some of you are not aware that BOB SEGER has a new album out! Yes it's true, and I wrote a review for Yahoo! Here it is... FACE THE PROMISE - Music February 05, 2007 Old School Rock is BACK! Pros Excellent Album Cons None Bob's still got it, the voice, the hooks and the amazing lyrics his fans have come to know and love! Finally one of America's most popular rockers is back with his distinctive sound and prosaic lyrics. From the very first song I knew I was listening to what is sure to be another platinum-selling Top Ten Album! Still singing about riding his big two wheeler, fighting for what's right and living free, his lyrics and his music are as soul searching as ever. This is a must have album weather you are a long time fan or not.

This was the first song Gus ever played for me. It was when we realized we were falling in Love, both too afraid to express our thoughts and feelings, we chose songs to do it for us. Two years after his death I still have not once played this CD. A CD that played over and over many times during our time together. It's still hard to hear...

This was one of Gus and my favorite songs because we both felt that in finding each other, we had finally found where we belong. It took on new meaning to ME tho, after his passing. SOMEWHERE I BELONG When this began I had nothing to say And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me I was confused And I let it all out to find/that I'm Not the only person with these things in mind Inside of me But all the vacancy the words revealed Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel Nothing to lose Just stuck/hollow and alone And the fault is my own And the fault is my own I want to heal I want to feel What I thought was never real I want to let go of the pain I've held so long [erase all the pain till it's gone It's gone] I want to heal I want to feel Like I'm close to something real I want to find something I've wanted all along Somewhere I belong And I've got nothing to say I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face I was confused Looking everywhere/only to find that it's Not the way I had imigined it all in my mind So what am I What do I have but negativity 'cause I can't justify the Way everyone is looking at me Nothing to lose Nothing to gain/hollow and alone And the fault is my own The fault is my own I will never know Myself until I do this on my own And I will never feel Anything else until my wounds are healed I will never be Anything 'til I break away from me And I will break away I'll find myself today I want to heal I want to feel like I'm Somewhere I belong [LINKIN PARK] METEORA

The last thing he ate in THIS life, was made by my loving hands The last thing he heard in THIS life, was my loving voice singing his favorite SRV song to him-Pride And Joy. I was his Pride and Joy he always told me, and he always sang that song to me, grinning that huge magnificent grin I love and miss so much The last thing he saw in THIS life, was my loving eyes and face looking into his The last thing he ever felt in THIS life, were my loving arms wrapped around him as he passed into the stratosphere... While he lay dying, he said to me "I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just afraid of losing you." I told him "you can never lose me, because we are a part of each other." None of us are getting out of here alive and I KNOW I will see my Ug again and I can hardly wait. MY Ug, My Gus, My Cave Man MY best Friend, My Hero, My Soul Mate always

Gus was an awesome example to everyone who's life he ever touched. He was an excellent and loyal friend, afraid of nothing and would drop everything in a heart beat to help out his friends when they needed him. He never complained, even when he was dying. He always had a smile and a hug for me, he never put me down, or called me names or raised his voice to me. Even 21 months after dying in my arms he inspires me every day by his example. Gus loved me everyday like it was his last day, He was my Best Friend, my Hero and my Soul Mate.

DATE: 28 Feb 2007 "We will be guided to be in the right place at exactly the right time and to meet the people we need to encounter."---Bob Frissell, American Author. The first time we met in this life, we both knew we had known each other before. We looked into each others eyes and instantly everything else fell away. The way that he looked at me then shall forever linger in my memory. A look that will flash before my inner eyes for incarnations to come. A look of recognition and confusion that perfectly reflected my own. A look that I suspect will be one of the last things I see in the cinema of my mind before I die. At that moment there was no one else in the whole world except he and I. His twinkling eyes hid an intense sexuality that smoldered just beneath his surface that I could feel just as surely as I feel the chair I sit in now... Sometimes I cry thinking I may someday forget that look... or the way he looked at me with total love and adoration each and every day. Or the way he loved me every day like it was his last. I hope I never forget those beautiful blue eyes, or the power they held over me.

Stevie Ray Vaughan Concert! DATE: 02 Mar 2007, 3:17 am / MOOD: Eager to ride My big Brother once took me to a concert at San Diego State's out door ampitheater. I'll never forget it. It was Stevie Ray Vaughan. During the concert, at one point a nice looking woman stepped out of the rows of seating and standing in the isle, opened her shirt to show Stevie her tits. Well of course everyone cheered, and she sat back down. Next thing you know Security starts to surround her from every direction like a small swarm and then began to close in. Well Stevie Ray never missed a beat. He spoke over his shoulder to someone backstage and in moments she was released right then and right there without further ado! You gotta love that, huh ? ! Stevie wasn't gonna let them throw her out. Nope, he wasn't havin' it. I love it!

A Swarthily Handsome Devil DATE: 15 Feb 2007, 10:01 pm I never would have believed I could survive without him. When I held him in my arms and watched him breathe his last breath, I thought that would be the hardest thing I'd ever do in this life. But I was wrong. Living without him has turned out to be so much harder. It doesn't feel like a year has passed since the light went out of my life, and the taste of food went with him. The reason it's called heartache is because it really is a physical pain in the heart. It seems like only yesterday Gus and I were at Bank One Ballpark in Phoenix, in our season ticket seats that he surprised me with, watching our favorite Arizona Diamondback Luis Gonzalez playing left field, cheering him on together and laughing. Gus was The Sunshine Of My Life and my memories of him and his love for me are all that has sustained me through these long lonely months without him. I dreaded the first anniversary of his death much like I dreaded living without him as I watched him die. Gus' easy going demeanor and his soft slow southern drawl hid a keen intelligence and quick wit that always smoldered just beneath the surface. He was very guarded with strangers, but anyone who knew him well, knew what a truly exceptional being he was. A swarthily handsome devil, shirt sleeves roughly hacked off with his ever present blade, he had such style and animal grace that the grinning skulls with wings and halos inked permanently into his skin actually looked good on him. Gus never bragged about his own achievements. Most people never knew he was an accomplished Black Belt or had been a Marine in the Special Forces. It wasn't something he liked to talk about, and unless you needed it, you would have never known he always carried a knife. Children and animals loved Gus. Where ever we went they flocked to him like a modern day pied-piper. It always tickled him too when he had their attention. I can still see his magnificent shining grin as he'd turn to me, his eyes twinkling as we'd exchange a knowing look, knowing that where ever we go little ones and animals would always be drawn to his amazing energy. I miss that shining grin and those twinkling eyes so damn much..... Gus rode hard and he died free. He served his country and he made an impact on the life of everyone whose life he touched. Wherever he is now, he can be happy about that. He died in my arms taking my unconditional love with him, and that is one thing we all hope we'll have when our turn comes at last to breathe our last breath. I am honored that I was the one he loved and wanted present at his passing.

Forever linger DATE: 28 Feb 2007, 7:30 pm / MOOD: Lonely "We will be guided to be in the right place at exactly the right time and to meet the people we need to encounter."---Bob Frissell, American Author. Sometimes I think I conjured up my Gus.... the very first time we ever met in this life, we both knew instantly that we had known each other before. We looked into each others eyes and instantly everything else fell away. The way that he looked at me shall forever linger in my memory. A look that will flash before my inner eyes for incarnations to come, a look of recognition and confusion that perfectly reflected my own. A look that I suspect will be the last thing I see in the cinema of my mind before I die. It was as if at that moment there was no one else alive in the whole world except he and I. His twinkling eyes also hid an intense sexuality that smoldered just beneath his surface that I could feel as surely as I feel the chair I sit in now... Sometimes I cry thinking I might somehow forget that look... or the way he looked at me with total love and adoration each and every day after we got together. I hope I never do forget those beautiful blue eyes of his, or the power they had over me. God I miss that man so fucking much! It still hurts so much to be without him. It's a huge fist clenching my heart and my throat. It's a physical pain that shuts me down and crying is all I can do.