Jessaca's blog: "My Life, My World"

I don't feel beautiful,
I feel ugly,
I don't feel loved,
I feel used.

Ugly, because you don't
You won't,
Let anyone know about us.

Used, because after sex,
You won't say you love me.

So please change those two things,
And make me really feel beautiful,
Make me feel loved,
Like you say I am any other time.

I need to walk away,
I need to get out,
I need to learn my lesson.

I walked away once,
But I came right back,
Back to the emptiness,
Back to the loneliness.

I have to learn my lesson,
You aren't going to love me,
Love me the way I love you.

Please try to help me,
Tell me walking away is for the best.
Tell me getting out will hurt less,
Hurt less then it does to stay.

Becasue staying is killing me,
And that is why I need to walk away,
Why I need to get out,
And most of all why I need to learn my lesson.

If I've said too much,
If I've asked for too much,
Then I am sorry.

I've said I was never going to love again,
I've said I was never going to want another man,
And now here you are.

I'm doing things,
And thinking of things,
I shouldn't be.

I'm sorry if I put you on the spot,
I'm sorry if I am coming on too strong,
I just want to know where I stand,
If I stand anywhereWith you.

You may be with her,
Until death do you part,
But that doesn't stop me,
From thinking about you,
And from dreaming about you.

Dreaming of knowing your touch,
Dreaming of knowing your kisses,
And thinking if you are ever thinking of me,
When you are with her,
Or when you are not.

It may not be fair of me to ask,
But I wanna know,
Your every thought,
And your every dream.

Won't you tell me,
Even though it is death do you part.

There has been a post going around Facebook: “So, Obama says Social Security may not be paid after 8-2-11 if they don't reach an agreement. I have a better idea. Rather than not paying the people who need that small check every month, let's not pay any politician for the next year, see if that helps them to work a little harder for the US, the little people.. Re-post this if you agree. I DID!” I personally laugh at whoever wrote it and all those followers out there that re-post it. For me it means a lot of different things: People don't remember their history, and Americans are such sheep that they don't think before they post.

I remember September 11, 2001, well, people from a known terrorist group called Al-Qaeda, from the country of Afghanistan, took over the flight of four commercial airline planes, crashing one into each World Trade Center builds, one into the Pentagon, and had control over a fourth plane heading for the White House. Soon after President George W Bush order men into the country of Iraq. Making everyone question what was going on in the White House, and then they came out to tell us that there was a money trail between Iraq and Al-Qaeda.

Years later, still in Iraq with their leader dead the White House under their leader President George W Bush still had very little men in Afghanistan looking for the Al-Qaeda top man. Billions of dollars later fighting a war in a country that supposedly gave money to an Afghanistan terrorist group we still have no idea where the leader of said group is.

Flash forward to 2009 a free country, which is in the deepest of debt since the Great Depression, getting a new president and a new promises to bring our men and women fighting in Iraq home and to turn our economy around. This new president, President Barack Obama, has had men and women under him hunting down and killing the leader of Al-Qaeda, and bringing home the troops from Iraq.

Now we are at the point of a major dead line to get the government budget under control, and who will not help cut spending and help raise the tax on companies? Republic President George W Bush's friends in congress and the senate. If a smart person would just sit down and think about what will happen if you start putting a higher tax on companies then one will see it as a “win” for everyone. Companies will have to higher their prices on their goods, the middle class and the poor will have to pay more for the goods they need to get by.

Has everyone forgotten September 11, 2001? Has everyone forgotten who were flying those planes? Where the people were from, who were flying those planes? Have you forgotten there is a big country called Iran in between Afghanistan and Iraq? And has everyone flat out forgotten how much money it cost to be at war, not just with one, but with two countries?

I could tell you that war was not the answer, but I won't, I will just tell you that President George W Bush sent us to war with one country too many, and one of those countries, Iraq, was the wrong country. I will also tell you don't blame President Barack Obama for coming in and being handing a huge mess, between war and government over spending, but the government had to over spend because we were at war.

Don't ever forget the millions who died on September 11, 2001 for no reason at all, and lets thank the stars that President Obama has our troops being pulled out of a country that we had no right being in, and finally getting to a country who's people murdered millions of ours for no reason at all.

Let's now put all of our support behind President Obama, like you did President Bush, and help him fight a war on government over spending and the rich getting richer.

Tell me you like me,
Tell me you need me,
But don't tell me you love me
Because love knows no ends
And I won't be here for long, nor will you

So never tell me you love me
And I will never do the same,
For once we are gone
Our love would have never come to an end,
But only our likes and needs.


~*~ Jessaca Marie N.
Saturday, June 25, 2011

If you knew the last time was going to be the last time
Would you have done things differently
Would you have picked different words
Or not say anything at all?

Could you seance that it was coming to an end
If you didn't would you go back and change things
Or if you did would you still keep everything the same?

I know I would go back
And not say “love you”
I would also not have let things get so out of hand
But that is how life goes.

You never know when the last time
Will be the last time.
You never know when someone is going to say goodbye.

And that is just what this is
A goodbye.

So I hope you enjoyed our last time
Because it was just that
Our last time.

I wish you well,
And I wish you all the happiness in the world
Even though you started looking elsewhere
Before I had a chance to say goodbye.

“Love you”
What does that mean?
To you it means nothing
To me it meant something.

I don't want to hear it anymore
I now know that it was all a lie
And one that I did nothing to deserve.

I could share you with one,
But I cannot share you with more.

“Love you” means nothing
To a man that already has one.

I am really starting to think there is something wrong with me. . . It seems like the only guys I can attract attention from anymore are either married or a lot older then me.

For once I would like a single guy to come along and maybe even hit it off with him. No, I'm not talking about getting into a relationship, but hitting it off just enough to where we can maybe make getting together for some fun a regular thing. You can't do that with married people, and as for the lot older guys that is just a turn off for me.

Grrr, I think I should go back to the whole idea of not needing the touch of a guy.

I know I haven't updated this thing FOREVER, but I thought I would just add one little thing. . .

Working at TeleperformanceUSA is the WORST thing a person can do!!! Training was spent BSing 85% of the time and the other 15% of the time we were training.  I was never taught how to trouble shot and fix Verizon Fios set top boxes (cable boxes) but here it has been 3 days on the phones taking live calls and I think I broke about 3 different boxes.

Oh another thing we were never taught how to do was look people up in their systems, and people don't like spelling out their name or the street they live on or town they live in. How the hell am I to find a person if they won't spell it all out?  Do you know how many different ways there is to spell things?? This is America we all spell differently.  Mostly I don't know if the billing department spelled out the word drive or street or just use Dr or St, you have to tell me these things.

I really do hate working with the public, when I was just sitting in my room all the time I had hopes for the country.  I didn't have to believe people were stupid, but they are, and it makes me want to cry. :(

Well, now I'm off to work, Utah has had a storm come through and the temps inside the building matches those on the outside of the building.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and have a safe and happy new year.