Mr Wolfie's blog: "my dark days!"

“Now and eternally your love”

Odd thing to start a blog with but I will get to that right now, so I was going through some old stuff of mine and came across a letter, and after hurting my heart by reading it I get to the end and there it is… the world’s biggest lie “Now and eternally your love” Or another variation of the sentence “Forever yours”.

I once made the mistake of saying those words and the one and only time I myself said them I got my heart ripped out with a dull knife, and again whenever a partner says those words to me I get the same thing… my hard meets a dull knife sometimes with rust on it... just to add flavour I guess.

Yes, I know its so melodramatic but just listen to me ok, its all a lie… they will never be yours forever, especially if they have to say it… in my 34 years on this world I have come to know that it is a lie… EVERY time someone says that to me they hurt me, so I have given up believing it. Why let myself get hurt with the world’s best lie?

Now I am going to do a burning soon so I can rid my soul of this pain left behind. Granted the pain is dulled now that I have my mates and I do love them greatly ^_^ they do make me happy and feel good but one cannot just leave the past… it will always be there to remind you of the horrors and pain.

I have been more and more depressed lately… not every day... just at random times it will spike really bad and leave me wondering why I even bother waking up, not like that’s not normal…. I ask that every day, but it is annoying that this happens more and more lately, just sitting here and suddenly I feel like crawling into a dark hole and staying there until the world goes away.

My planning for the trip to Texas is coming along well. I have the money for my passport all set now I just need to find someone who knows me and lives in Australia lol… I am surprisingly not the best at making long term friends in real life…. I know its super shocking :P but I do try… just not easy keeping them that’s all. Mmm Still working on losing weight but that’s coming along slow lol… think I’m done talking about the lies of humanity… though I have a tone more I COULD talk about… like the lie of peace, friendship, loyalty… but I will save those for another time I think.

Well that’s it for today ^_^ hope you all have a decent day/night.

[Enter Post Title Here]

I have had enough.

I have let some people insult me again and again because I liked them... they were my friends and I trusted them… but yesterday was my limit.

I am sick and tired of sitting back and letting people walk over me like I’m just another step for them to trample… I put my trust in people and I care for them like family and what do I get? A knife square in my back. All the bad mouthing I have let slip. All the back talking I have ignored because hey... it’s all just words... but no more. I won’t just sit here and let this bullshit go for any longer…

I feel like I have lost so much lately, and I guess life is not don’t stripping me forcefully, so take it away… I’m done with the stress and pain of being stretched.

This all may make little sense but I need to get a lot of this off... and I just feel so betrayed and hurt… this internet is the only way I have friends and I let so much slide because I don’t want to lose friends but if this is how it’s going to be than fine. I won’t keep things to myself anymore.

SO, to finalize this blog… I give up… good bye.

Hello everyone...

Been some time since I made a journal about my life so here we go... I am recently single... and broken, I don't have a drive to do anything anymore.

I would say life sucks but really it’s just how things are... I must keep walking forward, looking back I will just see the remains of my shattered heart strewn on the floor.

All of my plans are in the air... I don't know what I want to do anymore, I have a friend in England that wants me to go stay up his end for a little and I am considering it just to get away from the world.

it’s funny you know I was readying myself for what was to come but now that it is here I don’t want to fight the darkness... I want it to swallow me and I know this is melodramatic and just stupid but that’s how I feel... honestly just want to lay down and not get back up.... but I can’t do that... I swore after the first attempt to my goddess that I would always fight on and never look back but there is so much behind me I just want to turn around and look once... just once...

Why can’t I shut the noise up?

Always mocking me with its happiness and Love...

I stood strong for so long and fought my way through so much fucking shit... so much hurt and joy and tears, but why?

Ah I don’t want you to answer these questions...

I want to say a lot of things right now as the pain wells up in my chest as it always dose these days but I am going to stop and just back away from the keys again... maybe lose myself in a game again and hope music drowns out the noise...

Hi all, It’s been a long time since I write a journal so why not go for it huh.

Well I am depressed…. Today WAS going ok but ha, shit happens right?
I have too many reasons to be in the mood I am and I am not going to go into that because in the end I will just feel worse…

So…. Enough of that crap huh… I am going to make a new sona… an Aussie one to show my Australian pride ^_^ it’s going to be a dingo…… SHUT UP…. I didn’t take your damn baby…

Um here is what I have so far… it’s not much… but I’m trying to finish him.

Name: Michael

Age: 33

Species: Dingo

Gender: Male

Height: 5' 8

Weight: 130 lbs.

Appearance: A medium build anthropomorphic Dingo with Orange fur and blue eyes, black wings and a tribal tattoo on his back with a pentagram between his wing joints. Wears a erring on his left ear

Personality: Fun-loving and crazy

Traits: enjoys sparring and romping in the wild

Well I am building a pc and also planning a trip to Canada to see my gf... saving money is quite hard... but I am trying my best ^_^

But…. Yeah I don’t know what I am doing on the best of days… I feel lost and alone a lot… no matter who is there to talk to there is always an emptiness inside me that nothing seems to fill… and believe me I have tried to fill it with all sorts of people and things.

Anyway… im off… catch ya in the slip stream.

Hello world.

Mr. Wolf here today to give you this blog.

So I don’t have much in the way of excuses for why I am not writing or gaming with people and I guess talking to people, but than most of the time I am alone online bar one or two friends and I cannot always play games with them… so that really leaves me alone most of the time.

I guess I shouldn’t really complain about that as it means I can finish all the steam games I have accumulated over the years but I do want to get back into guild wars two and really harden up my two builds and I shall even if I have to do it myself hehe.

So than how is everyone out that that reads this thing? Good I hope or at least good at whatever you’re doing :P

I need to build myself a decent gaming computer but at the same time I also need to find better internet in a country that is so shitty with internet it’s not funny. Not to mention the dam tax on games it makes it so hard to buy new games, instead I am forced to wait until it become on sale before I can enjoy.

I am getting to a point when I should just say fuck it and give up on trying to get new games and just always go to the bargain bin.

Ah well I got more to rage about but I just don’t have the energy to even bother with it all... so I will let you all go and just crawl back into my den.

TO EVERYONE EVERYWHERE! Yes I will be spreading this message in a few spots so some of you may see it repeated. For that, sorry.I am entering a Loot Crate contest that ends on the 20th of March and relies on voting to win one of many catagories and prizes. There's no sign-up or log in to vote. You just click on the image you want to vote on and click on the lil heart icon under the image when it pops up to make your vote. This is a once per computer sort of thing, so once you've voted, you've voted.I am calling on everyone I know to help vote for me during this contest. I have an entry in 3 catagories: Most Fashionable, Best Look-a-like, and Best Video. While any and all prizes would be awesome to win I am aiming for the MOST FASHIONABLE catagory. So if you want to support and only vote once, make it count there!I'm looking to win this particular catagory because one of the prizes for the one who wins that catagory is a sizable body form. These thigns can run from 600$ (for a low grade version) to 2000$ (mega ech stuff). I don't know which variety this one is, but it's somethign I could hugely use in my fashion/sewing/costuming life.My entry for this contest is the image I've added to this message. I hope any and all of you will support me in this endeavor!~ Chelsea
https://gleam.io/g/AmjKS/i2jr?fb_ref=Default

What a yeah it has been… I have lost good friends and gained so many more awesome friends, lost a guild I loved and put so much of my time and passion into but gained back a guild full of people that understand and care for me.
I can honestly say that the new friends and the old that still care have made this year a bearable one giving me the strength needed to fight back the darkness inside me… and I am more grateful for their  friendship than I can ever say.

I have lost the one family that I loved the most but I know she is in a better place and she will be watching over us like she always has.

I have one thing I want to do this new year and that is to Write, to pick up my pen and start writing once more because I know that when I write my darkness hides deep and I feel so free but this blasted block that’s been in my way has pissed me off for too long and I will end its hold over me! So many stories floating in my mind so much wasted opportunities.

One thing I will not try to understand is the silence that some of my older friends have taken with me, even when I make the effort to talk it’s like talking to a robot no warmth or happiness just cold responses and short answers. I have been around a long time and can tell when someone does not really want to talk to me and is just doing it because they have to… soon I will start to simply delete them without any notice because it’s better not to talk then to be treated like some chore that has to be dealt with. Now with that said some of you have a decent excuse and will never be removed ^_^ too much past to even consider that.

My new year’s resolution is a simple one and that is to lose weight…

I love my beautiful goddess Chelsea <3 just want everyone to know that  :P

I am sure I am missing something I wanted to talk about but well if I do remember I will add it to my next blog ^_^ any way I am off to play some minecraft :3

Last night I posted I felt strangely alone and that is true specially this time of year, for those that don't know I am in a long distance relationship so times like this are hard for me. Time for friends and family to be together and celebrate being together and happy, times like this hurts me because I am alone here Without her close to me and even though I feel like this I am so happy to be able to call her my girlfriend, she means so much to me and keeps my darker side locked away. I'm sitting in a park as I write this and I am alone, I make friends on the Internet easy but out here I honestly can not stand people, I watch them walk by and I don't know why but my dark thoughts just surface and it is sometimes frightening even to me yet I would never hurt someone knowingly I just can't do that it holds no fun for me. I do t know why I brought that up lol I havesp much to do and so much to think about that my mind is full to bursting with all this crap. Meh. I don't know if I will post this but even as I right this I know I will post it lol I'm so hypocritical some times. Bah humbug.