n00b's blog: "muse views"

so in america we just had a presidential debate.  in that debate one candidate promised that if electedto prosecute the other.  whatever your feelings about these presidential contenders, that act gave me great pause.  i could not have imagined such a scene playing out in america.  

it made me realize that we really do have only a veneer of civilization.  that we are, and most likely always have been, forever on the edge of falling backwards into anarchy.  that's what happens when you discard the rule of law, when you have someone announce that they will discard due process just to punish a political opponent.  in america we think that is just some 3rd world craziness.  or i did.  i have lived in some 3rd world craziness, i have experienced kleptocracy first hand.  wasnt fun.  i guess i felt we were beyond that.  that we had evolved past that stage of our political evolution, to a more enlightened experience.

i am not advocating for or against either major party candidate.  my vote will be wasted on a 3rd party.  just because that is my political ideology.

its just so bizarre to see something in this most evolved democratic republic that so closely mirrors what happens in dictatorships.  not a good feeling

i thought we were better than that, but i think its the human condition to be forever pulled back by the animal side of our evolution.  

this is just funny to me.  like any cultural group or race has exclusive rights to any particular piece of culture.  i guess the egyptians could make a case for their exclusive rights to pyramids, or the greeks to doric columns.  maybe the former soviet union will lay claim to their exclusive domain over the color red.  sorry, i guess i just dont buy this.

seriously, getting in someone's face because you dont like their hairstyle?  i think they call that rude.  i really dont think it is correct to call this a race issue, because i cant see how it is one.  i think this is just a case of someone feeling entitled to impose their narrow view of the world on someone else.  kinda like when my ex told me that wearing sneakers to a wedding was just wrong.  maybe it was, but nobody complained, and my buddy thought it was pretty cool.  but i often find the things i think are ok are not with others.  so i usually keep my mouth shut.  maybe i inflict my opinion on a few unsuspecting souls who have the grave misfortune to read my underwhelming blog.

i think i need to stop wearing silk, although i grew up on the pacific rim, i am not of asian ancestry.  cotton probably has cultural roots also, so the indigenous peoples of the americas have claim to that.  i'm probably safe with wool and leather given who my forebears are.  do you see where i am going with this?

every culture borrows from every other culture that it comes in contact with.  every culture.  different cultures also develop similar ideas independently.  pyramids are not unique to egypt.  dreadlocks are not unique to the caribbean.  

lighten up francis.

i know i express a lot of outrage in this blog, and probably that is because i pretty much started this as a means to express certain ideas or feelings i have that seem to lie beyond the 3rd standard deviation.

i think i am right on the mean when i say this.

i love christmas.

i love that most people seem to be a little more patient, a little more kind, a lot more happy, and a lot more relxaed.  maybe its part of the whole end of the year thing.  actually i think its because we dont have snow in San Diego. 

ok, so its not so happy at all the stores, but i think that situation is solving itself with the rise of cyber monday.  yay technology.

i have a blessed life.  what problems i face do not seem to be terminal or existential threats.  i have 4 wonderful kids (ok, thruthfully 3 wonderful kids and 1 not so wonderful) all in collge, all making progress towards their dreams.  i am also exceptionally fortunate that i am able to afford keeping them in college.  no life is perfect, and mine certainly isnt.  what i have, i have worked damn hard to get, but at the same time i have been able to take advantage of some great opportunities.  

here is my method of celebrating the holidays;

1. pay for someone else's meal

2. give your waitress/waiter a generous tip

3. reach out to someone you havnt communicated for awhile.

4. let that car get in front of you on the freeway

5. smile more

6. wear a funny hat

7. wish someone you dont like "happy holidays"

8. perform random acts of kindness

9. choose not to disagree with someone, even if they are a complete idiot.

10. truly forgive someone

there are many more ways to celebrate the holidays.  both big and small.  i believe that the small things can make big changes.  when my children were younger, we used to have a tradition we called "12 days of christmas".  we would choose a family we knew that was either struggling or just feeling forgotten, and on each of the 12 nights before christmas we would leave a gift for them.  along the theme of the song.  the essential elements of this tradition were that we do not get caught, and we do not ever tell anyone what we did.  it became a family secret.  it became a lot of fun because after 3 or 4 nights the family usually figured out what was going on, and it became a cat and mouse game of sorts of them trying to catch, and us trying to be sneaky.  i am proud to say that in all the years we did this, we were never caught.  damn close at times, but never actually fingered.  

my mother used to organize secret santa drives.  i used to get drafted into delivering everthing on christmas eve.  now i probably did not have anything else to do on christmas eve, but that didnt stop me from complaining loudly first time she frog marched me into servitude.  after that i was not so reluctant.  she was a very organized person, and very exacting in her help for these families.  their expressions of gratitude gave me memories of happiness that have lasted a lifetime and an example to last just as long.

i wish everyone JOY at this time of year, and let these feelings imbue your life through the coming year.

SPOILER ALERT - POLICE RANT

why do you shoot someone 16 times in less than 6 seconds.  apparently because 15 just isnt enough.  

seriously, i am not sure whether it would be better or worse if his gun held more or less bullets.  you keep pulling the trigger until the "click" because the guy who is WALKING AWAY makes you feel threatened.  maybe we need single shot police guns.  maybe we should go english and take guns away from beat cops.  

seriously.  he is the only cop who drew his weapon, none of the other officers are taking any kind of defensive posture.  but this one guy feels so threatened by a man walking away from him that he has to shoot him 16 times.  i think this guy took zombieland rule #2 a bit too far.

full disclosure.  the guy walking is big problem waiting to happen.  he is carrying a knife (4 inch blade) and had just slashed some police cruiser tires.  but maybe that is why he had to die.  tires are expensive you know.

now, a guy overreacting is one thing.  but then you have the police union that is incapable of admitting that maybe one of its officers is a total screwloose.  so they endorse his actions, kindof.  they provide an attorney, do a crowdfunding for him, after all he is just misunderstood.  sure.

"They stopped short of defending Van Dyke’s actions - which were caught in a graphic video made public this week - but did say it was important to place them in the context of a racially divided city beset by violence."

i guess that those charged with "to protect and serve" bear no responsibility for the racially divided city.  

it probably comes as no surprise that i am completely disgusted by our elected representatives in washington.  i dont know whether i am more disgusted by their naked pursuit of popular poll via the refugee topic, or their gross disavowal of every elevated idea contained in our founding documents.

we are a nation of immigrants.  even "native" americans immigrated here.  there is not a person in this country, even on this continent who can not trace their ancestry back to another country, or another continent.  this idea that we must protect ourselves from immigration is rediculous in the extreme.

and since we are talking about hypocrisy, lets talk about syria.

guess what folks.  we created (or at least significantly contributed to) the refugee "crisis".  why are people so surprised that people do not want to live in a war zone?  we throw guns, ammunition, air strikes, even train mercinaries, throw them into a civil war and then wonder why the civilian population will do almost anything to get away from it.  america should not be accepting 10,000 refugees, america should be willing to accept 100,000 or even more refugees because we are responsible for the situation.  congress is acting like a scared child with his hand in the cookie jar saying its not my fault.

now lets think about the refugees.  does anyone in congress even realize that in order to qualify as a "refugee" you must subject yourself to a multi-year process and convince multiple judges and administrators of your sincerity of intent and desperation of circumstance.  this horseshit about making america safe because we punish people from specific ethnic backgrounds and geographic locations is utterly insane.  as much as i am loathe to agree with a politician, obama is right; the more we discrimate against refugees the more we feed the ISIL narrative.  

not one single person involved with the events in paris was a refugee.  none of the 9/11 terrorists were refugees.  in fact research all the acts of terror and atrocity have been perpetrated by citizens who became radicalized.  this idea of refugees wearing suicide vests streaming across borders is rediculous in the extreme.  i am sickened in my heart to hear all the lies discribed as legislation bandied about as if they are legitimate and thoughtful responses to complex problems that face our nation.  i believe our founding fathers are dismayed at what we have interpreted as inalienable rights and self evident truths.  it seems the only truth that has become self evident is the popularity poll, and the knee jerk reaction

This kerfluffle with Kim Davis.  This is insane.

Kim, you work for the government.  If you don’t want to give out marriage licenses QUIT.

I completely respect your desire to honor your beliefs.  But if this is really about your beliefs, and not about anything else, then quit your job.  Its really that simple. 

Instead you seem to be doing your best to stay in the spotlight, to interfere with the rights of others.  When I see a disconnect between when a person says, and what a person does, I always go with what a person does.  Actions are the truth of a person.

So even though the supreme court has declined to hear your appeal.  Even though you have been orded to comply.  Even though you choose to voluntarily remove yourself from a situation that you say conflicts with your religious beliefs.  We are supposed to believe that all this is about your (relatively recently found) religious beliefs.

I’m not buying it.

Music has always been a huge influence in my life. I can still remember the first album I bought (1972 Bread “The Guitar Man”) and I still listen to that music to this day. My musical appreciation took an exponential leap in the prog rock era, I grew up listening to albums that were created as cohesive works and not just collections of single-worthy jingles. But for a time I lost remembrance of that, when personal MP3 players hit the market, I was all over them. I had a Diamond Rio long before the iPod was even thought of. I loved, absolutely adored the idea of playlists having lived through the heyday of mixtapes.

Recently though I have rediscovered the album concept, I have many albums saved as entire albums and not lists of singles. I happened to be on an extended road trip and was listening to Alan Parsons “I Robot” and one of the songs really struck me hard. The song was “Day After Day” which includes the lyrics;

Think of the boy with the stars in his eyes

Longing to reach them but frightened to try

Sadly you’d say, someday, someday

I never felt frightened to try, actually I felt frightened NOT to try.

Which has led to some wonderful successes and spectacular failures. C’est la vie.

I was amazed though at the ability of the music to take me back to that moment when I first actually HEARD the music. Sitting in my friends basement bedroom with his jury-rigged crossover speakers that were totally kickass in the dark, lying in a beanbag chair on top of dirty clothes. Totally immersed in the sound that was imprinting itself on my 17 yr old brain. I remember how important certain things were to me at that time. Wealth, fame, impact.

My desires have changed much over the years, I enjoy my comfortable life and the impact I have had in certain areas. But the desire for fame has completely left me. I am very happy to fly commercial and not be recognized, to eat in a restaurant without being accosted, to wear bad clothes and not ever read about it. I have been listening to entire albums now almost exclusively. Dire Straits “Brothers in Arms”, Bob Marley “One Love”, Pink Floyd “Wish You Were Here”, The Who “Tommy”, Alan Parson Project “Tales of Mystery and Imagination”. So much more. It has been a trip down memory lane, a reconnection with my past self, a rediscovery of something I lost remembrance of. I hope I don’t lose it again.

i know, it seems rather bizarre.  a guy who actually READS, let alone reads profiles.  so suspend your suspension of disbelief for a minute and hear me out.

this person said on their profile that "real love" did not exist, they they had no hope of ever finding it, and that everything is just hollywood media using this as a fantasy to sell soap, cars, skin cream, washing machines, and everything else.  reading more of the profile it wasnt too difficult to figure out how they had come to this conclusion, hell, if i had those things happen to me, i would undoubtedly feel the same.

but i havnt had those experiences, in fact i have had quite the opposite.

because we have not experienced something does not mean that it does not exist, or can not exist.  

see, to argue is generally my first inclination.  blame my mom and our nightly debates around the dinner table.

but then i step back and i think.  wow, imagine living a life where i thought love was an impossibility.  that thought has tasked me for a few weeks now, i keep coming back to trying to put my head in such a space where that is my view of the world.  i keep trying, but i just dont like being there, so i really cant understand that.

i hope i never do.

Kiev

I have very mixed feelings about Kiev.  Kiev is a very beautiful city, with impressive history, architecture, and people. 

It’s a little bit difficult to separate my feelings about Kiev from my feelings about Ukraine in general. 

I have spent some time in Ukraine, visited a few cities, met many people.  I was exploring developing a business there but I think I have to give up on that.  Ukraine has a substantial Hemp industry, and I have a high interest in CBD oils and concentrates.  The national government licenses hemp production (which is generally limited to the region around Odessa) and the logical place for processing would be in the industrial city of Kharkiv.  There is a great interest where I live for non-THC diet supplements with high concentrations of CBDs and CBNs.  I would say it cures cancer, but no matter how true that statement might be, making that statement could get me into a lot of trouble.  Despite the decades of research that seems to indicate that. 

Interesting fact; what are they doing to cleanse the soil around the Chernobyl nuclear plant?  Answer; they are planting hemp.

Anyways, back to the subject.  Or something close to it.  So I was trying to start a business, small hemp producing plots of land and then setting up decarboxylation and extraction processes to create some high grade Oils and paste.  I felt I had most of the moving parts in place, so I was spending time with Attorneys to determine what was necessary to keep myself from getting sideways of any government agency.  Now that was an interesting series of meetings.  Upshot was that it would probably take around 2 years to get a business license, and even then there would be a significant amount of bakeesh involved.

So Kiev is at once a city of promise, and a source of disappointment for me. 

Great cities can almost be measured by their monuments.  The statue of liberty in NYC, the Eiffel tower in Paris, the Eye of London and Big Ben.  Moscow with its onion shaped domes in Red Square. 

The Rodinya in Kiev.  Easily the equal of any great monument in any great city.  Unlike other monuments it is so prominent that is can be seen from almost anyplace in the city.  Its about the length of a football field tall (including end zones) but its presence makes it seem much more.  My interpreter really laughed when I said that it gave me the impression of a pissed off lady liberty.  If lady liberty was hiding a ginormous sword in her cloak, and just happened to have a shield as well.  The soviets were past masters of heroic artwork.  I dare say that nothing I have ever seen in the world by any other culture even approaches the intensity of the heroic as expressed in soviet era monuments.  Its just really impressive. 

As impressive as the artwork, the monuments, the monastaries, cathederals, and architecture is, I am at once impressed and confused by the people.  The country is being torn apart by Russian proxies.  At the entrance to the rodinya park they have captured Russian advanced military weapons, and presented the evidence that they came directly from Russia.  I have met many people, who basically lost everything when the Russians annexed the Crimean peninsula, and sponsored civil war in Luhansk and Donetsk.  To them its very clear what happened.  A bunch of new people showed up, there were some key assassinations, some key defections, and suddenly there were all these military people.  Not locals. 

Its impossible to understand Kiev without understanding the situation of the country.  Once when I had just arrived I was standing outside my apartment building waiting for the agent to deliver me keys to my flat when there was all this protest activity on the main throughway of the city.  Nothing screams “tourist” like standing there on the sidewalk with two large suitcases.  Such situations can create a bit of concern I tell you.  There is a great deal of frustration that the Europeans and americans are not doing enough to curb the Russian aggressions.  I was feeling like a (possible) great big target for pent up frustration.  Thankfully nothing more than getting the hairy eyeball from one guy happened.  He struck me as a state security type, so I kept my camera tucked away and did my best not to look interested in the 50 or so miners with bullhorns pushing an converted ore cart up and down the boulevard.  It stuck me as funny that they were basically parading in front of a McDonalds, a KFC, and a Starbucks franchise, bracketed by Russian franchise restaurants.  Surreal scene.

There are places in the world where I am perfectly comfortable renting a car and driving myself all over, and places in the world where I don’t.  I don’t drive in Kiev.  Usually I find a taxi driver I like and hire him for the entire day.  The dollar trades very strong there now so the cost is not too bad.  Its also like hiring a local expert.  I have found that taxi drivers know everything.  They hear the rumors, they hear the gossip, they know the little places and how to manage the big places.  I asked a driver to take me to a place where the locals go, but very few foreigners do.  He took me to the palace of the former dictator.  They don’t even list the place on tripadvisor.  Which is a real shame, it was a fascinating day of looking at the excesses of a president for life.  These days the grounds are popular with photographers and people getting married. 

Many of my conversations with people eventually turned to politics.  Most of the Ukrainians I met expressed an almost Eeyore mentality.  Europe is sick of dealing with us, America doesn’t like us.  We didn’t join NATO so we will not be supported by the west.  In many ways it reminded me of talking to a battered spouse, “yeah, I know they will beat the shit out of me again, but they understand me, and nobody else wants me”.  Its pretty difficult to listen to at times.

I love Kiev, to me it’s a fascinating city full of interesting people.  One of the most beautiful cities I have ever known.  It frustrates me in so many ways.  So far I am always happy to spend time there.  Mostly.

i am a very opinionated person.  some might even say combative on opinions.  not really combative, but i do appreciate a good debate.

in my experience there are two faces to paris.  if you look at a map of paris, you will notice a freeway circling the city.  the paris inside that circle is very different from the paris outside that circle.  from CDG airport, take the train into the city, you see more and its a hell of a lot less expensive than a cab (10 euros as opposed to 70).  you also see more from the train, which might or might not be a good idea, depending on how much you want to keep your fantasy of paris as this completely beautiful city.  outside the "circle" as i call it; paris resembles brooklyn.  or chicago.  or just about any other major city.  there are delapidated buildings with wires seemingly strung everywhere, graffiti, garbage, all the stuff that you go on vacation to avoid or forget about.

but the other paris.  now that is something spectacular.  i'm a numbers kinda guy, so maybe some numbers will give you an idea.  

1453.  the number of pictures i took in 24 hours

27. the number of videos i took during the same time.

11. cab rides

1. lost phone.

the phone i have written about.  meh, it happend, i lived.  breathe in, breathe out, move on.

11 cab rides; ever felt like a kid in a candy store?  that is exactly my feeling when i start to realize all the beauty that is surrounding me.  there were just so many places i wanted to go, and i wanted to go there as soon as possible.  when you hear about something your whole life, and then you get to experience it.  it can be an amazing experince.

the videos and the pictures.  often i am accused of living my life through a camera lens.  maybe its true.  but sometimes i feel that you only truly see something when you look past what you see, and you see what is THERE.  probably that doesnt make a lot of sense, but when you look at something, and you look with the eye of the photographer, and you can see images that might not be readily apparent when you first looked.  that detail of the image, or perspective of lines, even a sine wave of color or movement.  those are the things i try to capture with my camera.  

ok, back to paris.

how do you describe Notre Dame.  the feeling of standing inside and looking at the light reflecting through the rose bathing the interior with a numinous glow.  words fail me to adequately explain the experience, the feeling, of walking down the aisle, and thinking of all the history that has occurred in the footsteps you have just made.  it is truly sublime.

the eiffel tower.  possibly the most iconic structure in existence.  the grounds near the tower are simply swarming with tourists and people taking a break.  in many ways it reminded me of the mall in DC.  large open area between major structures.  the feeling there was much the same to me as well.  like a festival.  the tower dominates over everything, its so much taller than anything else, its almost easy to forget the rest of the city.  

the louvre.  i could probably spend two or three weeks in the louvre, and even then not see everything that interested me.  i am one of those that can stare at a painting slack jawed for an embarassingly long time.  i went to the national gallery in DC and after 45 minutes of staring at the rembrandts self portrait as an older man, the guard asked me if i was ok.  i actually think he wanted to ask me "are you ok in the head?", which obviously i am not.  but i fake it very well.  i had an experience like that almost continuously while i was there.  kinda of like an intellectual disneyland, but quieter and more rides.

so many other things to see.

i am sure i will return, and i am sure i will have more to say LOL