My ramblings have covered many a field over the months, you name it i covered it, this one is an adventure into 'me' as i am now. Its hard going tryin' to express yourself so instead of skirting 'round the edge -- in i go.
My life, right now dosen't ask a lot nor does it expect a lot. i dont expect my love affairs to last for long, i never fool myself into thinking otherwise or that my dreams will come true.
I've had a full life so far and i'm use to problems and disappointments to such a point that i actually anticipate them, but this dosen't mean i like them, would you!!
I've always got by somehow, thats what 'I do' and everytime i move on, i leave behind a little of something, sometimes people and friends sometimes material assets, but i try so hard to hold onto the memories.
I move forward but without direction, and when I think on it , i really don't care - G-d how many times have i said that. I've also said that i'm immune to sadness and pain and that i'm 'hard' through an through, but you know, everytime i find myself in a 'situation' all my brave words disappear and desert me, the 'wall' has dropped and anyone can hurt me -- and they do.
It's strange, but if you were to catch up with me in 6 month or a year --- i'd be fine, well maybe not 'that' fine, but its 'what i do' - I survive.
And as the time moves on, I may forget the names of the people and the places involved -- but here's the thing - its no consolation to me 'here' and 'now'.
I'm not looking for sympathy, in fact G-d help anyone who comments to that affect. It's my path i'm walking - i chose it, and now its become very 'familiar'.
