Steve's blog: "FFS Just Smile"

A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When He finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days??!?".....The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!" Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

GOTTA BE ONE OF MY FAV'S Little Johnny was watching TV in his room one night & decided to go & ask his mum & dad about something he'd just heard. He goes downstairs & asks them "What's Love Juice?" Dad is horrified & after looking at mum who's also gob smacked proceeds to give little Johnny the dreaded explanation. Johnny sits there with his mouth wide open in amazement. Dad finishes the talk & asks "So what is it you've been watching that you shouldn't be?" Johnny replies "Wimbledon." (that’s tennis for the non sporting types)

how dumb the world may be... I DON'T NORMALLY DO LIST, BUT WHEN IN ROME................ On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (i gotta ask....who has tried?) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought wot????...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (bukys this is aimed at u) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what? use in outa space perhaps?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: mabe shit them out when digested?) I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) i could go on, but i gotta 'work' -- oops, another 4 letter word. ciao for now.