OZZ's blog: "me"

ok well as some of u all know im a manic depressive and i hate the holidays anymore.Most dont know why tho.I moved from my home state a few years ago and im fine with that. My mother lives in a nursing home and she had a sever stroke it was soo bad that shes partially parilyzed and cant speak. so between not bein able to speak to my mother n having my family turned against me for stupid reasons i am all alone.With bein bipolar and a manic depressive this time of year is really hard to deal with everything. I tend to isolate myself from everyone and get into a funk thats hard to get out of.I know this time of year just about everyone hates me because of this but like i said because of bein alone and feeling the way i feel it is very hard to talk to anyone about it I AM TRULY SORRY for those of u that i made to the point that you all hate me its just something that happens but it will pass and to those of u who stuck by myside and those ho are helping me THANK YOU VERY MUCH from the bottom of my heart

there was this absolutly beautiful girl i have been best friends with since the day i met her.a few years ago we dated for a week and i made the wrong choice and left her.the past year we have been talking all the time pretty much everyday .i had plans to move to where she was and it was a great feeling .as of late i been screwing up and lost her as a future girlfriend but i still have her as my best friend.im sooo mentally screwed up right now because i love her with all i have to offer but like i said eariler i lost her that way 

lately all i keep doin is screwing up again.the only person i have in my life seems to be the one who alyways getting mad at me for dumb things.i just dont know whats wrong with me i try to do the right thing and all i seem to do is piss her off anymore.I love her with all my heart and soul but at the rate im going im bound to lose her and that thought kills me to even think abt that.everything i say lately always comes out wrong and i understand that she said she dont hate me and shes not mad but i feel like she dont even really wanna talk with me anymore cuz im such a loser. im sure shes gonna read this and im gonna get shit for putting myself down but at this moment in time this is how i feel

ok i have a friend that i started recently talkin to again like within the past month or 2.We had a long conversation the other day and some stuff from the past came out and now things are different she seemed to change when it comes to me . we talk on yahoo but lately i been left hanging for a while even tho im told she was talkin to me and someone else(which is cool).I dont think takin 15 minutes to reply is right if ur a freind i can see if there was 5 or 6 convos goin at one time its understandable but if theres 2 there no reason for that kind of delay. I understand she been sick and i wish her a speedy recovery an she really is on of my best friends and i do care for her as much as a friend can. now shes pissed at me and im a cry baby and a shitty friend i guess. I AM SORRY for the argument we had earlier tonight and hope u can forgive me

lately i feel like im letting everyone down. i try to help all my friends but it seems like its never enough.i try to do for them but i fail alwaysthe one day i needed to talk to someone it didnt happen WHAT A SHOCK im goin through emotional stuff thats been bothering me for a long time since i dont do much anymore i sit here and think more than i ever did.i have things in my past that bothers me to death from over 5 years ago other stuff is as late as of last night.Im goin through sooo much now its not funny at this point and time this might be my last blog i might just cut my wrists and get it over with.

the past month i been depressed and i know whats causing it but lately everyone i try to call or text or even msg is either to busy orgnoring me or mad at me. I know im a failure as a human being and a shitty friend,but im always there for my friends when im needed the past week i needed atleast one friend but no one was there for me.I understand ppl get busy but a simple txt msg or answer the phone to say they are busy would have been nice. Tomorrow is my birthday so lets see who wishes me a hapy birthday or calls me .Im hopeing the person i asked to do something for me will do it if not its ok i understand.Im not mad at anyone i just needed to get this of my chest so i can stop feeling like crap

im a fuck up and i do stupid shit alot im human but i tend to make  more mistakes than a normal person the more i try the more i fail at life all i seem to do is make people mad anymore now i understand why im hated by basicly everyone

Im best friends with the most amazing woman in the world and i love her with all my heart and soul and she knows how i feel about her.I know she cares about me and worrys abt me as and loves me as a friend. im confused beacuse i dont know if she has feelings for me and if she would ever really wanna date me.I would do anything for her shes my world if it wasnt for her i would have probably killed myself a few years ago she keeps me inline and sets me straight and i thank her for that

i try to do what i can to help anyone who needs help.I asked for help  to help someone special to me and it never happened .Ok i can deal with that .It really pisses me off when i pay to get help and it never happened i was lied to and that person knows it cuz i found out how that part of the shit u need to do to level works.Then i havea guilt trip put on me like i did something wron.Like i said i help everyone and in this case i am helpin a few diffrent ppl but once again i got screwed over

im human i make mistakes i know i say and do dumb shit alot i know im a fuck up i never meant to piss u off but i guess i did yet again i know sorry isnt cutting it anymore and i dont know how i can fix everything and have it back to the way it use to be i know i let you down again and im shocked u havent stopped talkin to me or bein my friend. U kno how i fout u and i dont wanna lose u and u know that