3202796's blog: "Love, Reincarnate"

I think whoever came up with the idea of security blankets, have never been in a meaningful relationship. I mean when you are with someone and they still arent over their ex.. and they keep leaving you because it's "safe" and then after a few weeks of being "safe" they realize their refuge is an actual hornets nest. But they keep goin back why? because its all they know. I wish someone would explain the logic in that. To me it's not rational... Oh the irony. the one person we choose to see as the most rational, a thinker, an educated human being, seems to be blinded from that why? "because love is blind".. well, thats what they ment by "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind?" does that mean thats what it means to be in love.. to be living by the "what ifs" in life, to forget the risks we once took because it "no longer involves just us".. well do you think anyone else in this mix (and yes im talkin about kids) should be brought up in thinking that true love is in the harsh words that were spoken, the names thats made mommy cry, and the daddy who would find time for everything but them. Yeah if thats true love, im glad i was never a part of that.. makes people scared of anything different.The once deemed "fairy tales" of ones childhood now becomes impossible in the light of "reality" because THIER "prince charming" has lost his luster. If only they could remember what it was like to be cradled and held with such passion and love, that brought hope into their lives, but now the weight of the world and a history with someone who would push away, has them feeling guilty for being happy in anything other than "the norm".

If you are a person who is strong willed and knows who you are.. be that person.. dont let anyone call you crazy or ignorant or a fool. you are who you choose to become. Sometimes being that person is hard to accept. but accept it.. it makes you strong.

I write this out of frustration and grief, knowing someday i may be called on to be someone's Prince. With all the faults i have in life, the one i fear most is being too kind and too understanding and never knowing when to give up. Because I give and give, till there's nothing left and when that happens, death happens. I fear death in the emotional form because you learn to be distant, to fear love, to become what you cannot understand and in this case, someone who pushes it away.

stay true to yourself and get rid of that security blanket.. it only makes you weak.

My heart is breaking again

but again why do i think you would understand

outside i am happy, i am content, i am aware

inside i am scared and i am alone, i am searching

but this treason is at sea, is it me?

for all the things i have come to love, find the evil inside

andthis black heart withers and dies

who am i fooling? just myself or everyone around? can YOU see it?

the scares bear a story, which ripped me apart

i pretend to be ok with this, but i am not

all i want is live but as i have been told

love is not like anything, especially a fucking knife

in times when i wanted to end it all, you were there

but where are you now? on the coat tail of another

hoping and wishing things will work out, but you ignore me

the one person who has given everything

for i am a fool, to think you would love me like i love you

i wish my life would leave me, suddenly... for it isnt worth it

to love and to of lost is maddening.... to not know love is ignorance

and as they say... ignorance is bliss..

My heart is breaking

as i see your tears, tho not here

you are my love, friend tho not lover

as you are broken, my heart is torn apart

what will it take for your will to break?

dark and cold my heart, tho my skin is burning

i will love you till my last

even tho you will never be mine

you are still dear to me

your eyes deepen into my soul

my smile cracks as you radiate the love

but my love now you are broken 

the mirror image in me is showing the same

reciprocating the last thing i want 

i miss you my dear, come back to me.

Why must i give you the satisfaction? to see me cry, to know i think of you constantly? this wasnt all my fault. i took the blame yes, but it takes two to break hearts as we did. was it love? it sure felt like it...or was i being deceived? we sang in the car, ruined the albums i cherished, they haunt my dreams as do you, a stain on my heart and on my shirt. what did you think when i came home? were you relieved? or were you "hurting" as i was so naive to believe? i cannot shake it.. my heart is still mending and with every day passes so does my love for you. you were my best friend, someone i relied upon and shared all with.. now you are the bad taste in my mouth, no longer the tear in my eye, or last nights dinner in the commode, you are just a memory. like those past you will become what was, and when i find what is, you will be the life lesson i will pass to my children... the path i will urge them NOT to walk. you destroyed me and i hope you can live with that, of course you can, you have it all together... the family, the house, the cars... all of what "love" got you..

i do have one question, why is it i have the worst timing? am i destined for solitude? we will soon see.... love will find me someday and when it does... i hope you are nowhere to be found.. because you wasted my love on him. I hope youre happy now.

Why must i give you the satisfaction? to see me cry, to know i think of you constantly? this wasnt all my fault. i took the blame yes, but it takes two to break hearts as we did. was it love? it sure felt like it...or was i being deceived? we sang in the car, ruined the albums i cherished, they haunt my dreams as do you, a stain on my heart and on my shirt. what did you think when i came home? were you relieved? or were you "hurting" as i was so naive to believe? i cannot shake it.. my heart is still mending and with every day passes so does my love for you. you were my best friend, someone i relied upon and shared all with.. now you are the bad taste in my mouth, no longer the tear in my eye, or last nights dinner in the commode, you are just a memory. like those past you will become what was, and when i find what is, you will be the life lesson i will pass to my children... the path i will urge them NOT to walk. you destroyed me and i hope you can live with that, of course you can, you have it all together... the family, the house, the cars... all of what "love" got you.. i do have one question, why is it i have the worst timing? am i destined for solitude? we will soon see.... love will find me someday and when it does... i hope you are nowhere to be found.. because you wasted my love on him. I hope youre happy now.

donny

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So Im better off without you
dont you try to change my mind
about the things that were said
the thoughts in your head
its a waste of space to write a song about you
so ill keep it to myself

drastic changes in weather
determine whether she is in a better mood today
than she was just yesturday
i dont know what i should do about her
"youre better off without her"

i try to push you away
its so ideal (we're better off this way)
and now we know we're through
ive come to terms (im better off without you)
im better off without you