xXGRIMNIRXx's blog: "Love Lost"

Last friday my wife came home at 8am from going out thursday night. she didnt' tell me she was going to be that late plus the only text i got from her was that she was ok and they were playing pool. yea well her daughter was sick and started throwing up, but did she call and ask about her daughter? nope. all she said was "ill be home as soon as i can" yea well that was in the morning. So, being fed up and pissed with her and her crap playing me and other guys at the same time i said fuck you and packed her stuff up, put it next to her car (she got picked up by the same guy that helped her move the furniture out of the house monday) and texted her she was done and that she could live with her parents. yea...i did go there..

I was tired of her lying, cheating on me, being an adultress, and taking me for everything i had. so that morning i said enough is enough! of course now i kind of miss the companionship and have cried on occasion because of the fact of being together for 7 years and end up going our seperate ways... but, in the end i guess i am doing better inside. however now i just have to figure out how i am going to take care of the bills that she left 3 months behind on because she quit her job in january.

oh did i mention she quit her job in january? no? she did. so i also had to take care of 3 ppl with an average monthly salery of $600. combine that with late bills and taking care of her daughter while she tramps around...yea it got to me.

So....now i sit in an almost empty house with no cable and no cash..fun times. But knowing i waisted 7 years on someone who just used me for her own ends kind of makes me happy im here alone. now i just have to find myself a good woman to match this good man....

There is nothing like a woman who can not be happy with just one man. What makes it better is when she destroy's a mans heart in order to do it. All for her own selfish, self centered needs.. You give everything you have to make her happy and you get taken for granted, played, used, and abused. Yet you still love the woman? something is just not right about that. Part of you just doesn't care anymore and yet there is still that other part that does. Only to have her consistantly rub salt on your wounded heart to make it worse. So, why would you continue to need a woman like that, knowing that there is a woman out there that will treat you better, love you more, and would love to have you? I mean come on! I am the best damned man that i know! lmao.. seriously though. I am a good man who has just been abused and left for dead for 6yrs with a woman that still lives with me. We are even still married and she wants me to still have sex with her while she has atleast 2 bf's?! uh, no. I dont think so.... Now how do you call it 'seperated' when you both still live in the same house? and what i love is that she tells me she doesn't want me to leave yet she is sick of me being here because she can't have any men over?! I just want to know WTF?! Here is a woman that complaines because i never gave her attention or affection yet when i do she just turns and acts like nothing happened. I gave her every thing i had in my heart to try and make her happy only to have this happen... I know i need to get out of dodge but i have no where to go. I want to stay in this house, and i am planting my butt here until she leaves to her parents houes or moves into her own doom. Check this out, ok we are still married yet 'seperated' in the same house. I have come to the realisation that i do not need her anymore and need to focus on myself so that i can be stronger. what is she doing? jumping into new relationships *apparently multiple ones* not giving a damn who she tramples on to get what she wants, sex. Oh almost forgot! she has an 8 year old daughter...yea. So, while i do my best and try to remain strong and do the right thing, my wife is collecting up all the bad karma for herself. I am just waiting for it to ketch up to her... ok so what do you think?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you wish you could have gone back and changed the past and corrected through the realization that you could fix it by fixing yourself? yea.. me too. but fate has a strange way of stripping your heart and soul of any form of love just to show you what you need to change and fix within yourself..that i do not understand. Why should it take a moment in time when your spouse tells you she does not want to be with you anymore that you realize things you should have done? in the process ripping your heart to shreds because you loved the person so much that you would have given them anything to stop it? I know we all have been through this situation, i myself multiple times. But yet, This must be done... I just wish i knew why? Now don't get me wrong, I have all kinds of people telling me that there will be light at the end of the darkness and things will turn around and life will be all grand... and yet here i sit alone and afraid at the realization that my 7 year relationship has come to an end thanks to my spouse... Honestly i should be used to this crap by now considering how many times i have had my relationships ended because she had found someone else. It still sucks and makes me feel like all my life is my fault including the relationships. Am i the only one who feels this way? I know the depression is not helping at all.. Of course I think we all learn eventually from our relationships as to what we need to fix within ourselves, so that the next one will be better but, for pete's sake! you can go so many times dealing with a serious breakup until you just want to quit and live life alone ya know? well.. i hope this time since i realized what has been the problems all along that its time to fix them. But, still I am living with a woman that broke my heart and has found someone else. Everyday it waving in my face.. I just want her to get out so i can get on with my life... So, I know i am not the only one out here in fu land that has gone through something like this and with that hope that you can help not only me but others as well being friends and caring just give me a gun so i can see how close i can come to shooting the bullet in my heart..... yea pain and being hurt sucks..im just tired of it after so many times, and no i am not going to kill myself im just making a point on how i feel. so can i cry now?

Just wanted to give you all an update: my wife is seing another man who also is married and she is intending for him to stay at our house while they are waiting to buy a house. We are also filing for divorce after 6 years of marrige. Im not sure if i will be able to stay at home while they are here. I may end up leaving forever friday before this happens. I also walked out on my wife two weeks ago on a sunday because i found out about her feelings towards a guy she brought up from dayton to train our puppy. yet today i was told about the married guy 'Terry' who she has been talking to for quite a while (atleast 6 months). At this point my heart is so ripped to shreds that im thinking suicide but trying to hold myself together long enough to figure out what to do. at this point tho once they buy a house both of them will be leaving me here which will allow me to keep the house im renting. yea i know its realy messed up... at this point i dont know what to do.. other than get up and never come back or kill myself.. the problem is that she has an 8 year old daughter who thinks im her dad. Of course i am not her genetic dad but have been with her since she was 1yr old... im gonna miss her the most out of all of this.. anyway, i just wanted to let you all know whats been going on and why i wont be around for a while.. I love you all.