Kody's blog: "Lost In Wonderland."

Instructions... Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird or random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose at least 5 people to be tagged, listing their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says, "You're it!" on their profile and ask them to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. 1- I put my ice cream in the microwave before I eat it. 2- I prefer my toast in 3's. 3- I am not afraid of dying. I dont care when it happens. 4-I watch the Disney channel in my spare time. 5-I am obsessed with playing cards....not actually playing them..but the card themselves. 6-I brush my teeth every time i drink tea. 7-Bridges make my stomach turn. 8-I fear boats. 9-I want to learn to salsa dance and speak fluent Spanish. 10-Fire and water amaze me. I could stare at either of them contently for hours. I'm tagging; Jimmy. Matt. Andy. Becky. Andy. and. Lord.

It sucks... Because, Usually when I cry.... I can look in the mirror... and it stops.... The tears fade away with reality... I wake up from a temporary sleep... and I can't cry anymore.... When I see myself upset... And realize I shouldn't let myself cry. I shouldn't admit to such a pain. I always could look in the mirror and know I would stop crying. It wouldn't take the pain away completely... but, it never failed to make me stop. Ease the pain a bit. Better than nothing. and more importantly... It always worked. A sure-a-fide way to make me hurt less Not this time. not now. I look into the mirror... stare at those big sad brown eyes... and it didn't stop. The tears kept rolling from my eyes... down my face...falling to the ground.... Close my eyes. Breath. Look up at the mirror. Still crying? Why won't it stop. Will it ever stop? My only comfort..the mirror... shattered. Shit. Seven years bad luck.

I want my own looking glass... Per chance to go trough it... See what its like on the other side. It seems anyplace could be better than the one I am at. I'm quite certain anyplace could be just as worse... In any event I would like to try. Take the chance at a superior land. My hopes and drams… My imagination wandering and all my fears tied to one minute space. A room of which I have created for better AND worse. Created to make me most happy and bring me to my angriest state all at once and all separated. It would be all well in that manor My emotions so confused… For it is all done due to the own mind of which I obtain. My own choice. Consciously or outright unwillingly. My creation of heaven or hell. Is there heaven and hell? If so: which am I in? Hard to believe it is much of either… But through my own looking glass would be both.. And neither would be gone. And both always present. Take me to Wonderland one a one way ticket. I do not intend to return from my place. My own place rid of you. I love you with everything I can bear. All of you…with my whole heart and more So I shall leave to never hurt you again. Through the looking glass I go. Off to a land of Mystery and wonder. Mirrored imperfection of light and dark. Everything and nothing of which I want. Not a bit of what I don’t and all of which I refuse to have. How imperfect it will be. There’s no chance of it to be worse than this place.. How impossible to be better… Why…It’s just the same thought the looking glass… Only a different perspective… Am I now exactly where I wish to be? Or is everything what I could never want? Alas Alice! Do tell. Slice my dreams to death and make my dreams come true. To be continued. Edited. Revised. And Deleted.

I die as I sleep My dreams: A look into the future A temporary death A malicious a taunt A small taste of death to come A tease without sexual desire As I dream As I wander I hope for you. Bereavement takes me within my dreams. Everything is lost. Reality is merely a hallucination You become a vague memory. My engaged thoughts are but a dappled smudge across my mind’s canvas. You are faded still But I will know you were there. I can see the faint smear of your existence As I remember you where once present So clear and evident Erase regret in dreams Expunge the blotches of flaw and defect The mistakes-The errors Hide such imperfection form the eye of a pathetic existence A human sees not my hidden qualms A Horrible regret of what once had been. My concealed miscalculation of my implement Gone. And you are barely observable now Mercifully you remain in my mind. So obstinate, not to leave me in my dreams My gratitude is overwhelming for this. You remain. Present as reminiscence of life and beauty. ….Dreams…. ….Sleep… Perfection, precision, accomplishment, excellence An ideal state of mind. A faultless palace Utopia. Take me there Take me to my dreams Take me to my death Now I sleep Sleep with me, my love. For, we shall die together.

Once you find someone you care a great deal about you begin to let your guard down. You tend to be the cruelest to those who you love the most. You first meet. Your eyes connect and you are immediately drawn closer and closer. Your first date is perfection; only showing those characteristics of which one can truly admire. You are sweet and chivalric; you open doors for her, pull out her chair and push it in when she sits. You say “Bless you” when she sneezes and you compliment he heavily throughout the night. The first week goes on as your relationship begins to blossom. You spoil her immensely. She comes home to wonderful surprises such as roses at her doorstep or a card filled with poems stuffed in her mailbox. If only this perfection could last forever. After the weeks go on you feel you can let your guard down and be your true self. You begin to let out the little flaws that you had once strived to hide. You no longer care to impress your partner and your appearance begins to fade off from pristine to grungy. Often, both sides end up slipping together and care not of the others faults. I feel as if once this guard is let down all of the passion evaporates along with it. The romance is gone and the surprises now only come on birthdays and Christmas. Not necessarily being a bad thing or a good thing but, I am one to adore surprises. No matter how long I am with a guy I do not want him feeling comfortable belching in a restaurant at my family birthday dinner or swearing his head of about the lousy service at the convenient store. Dignity should not fade as a relationship goes on. Courtesy should remain throughout the years. Being along with your partner is a different story but, there is no need to bring your vulgar ways out while in the presence of your partner’s friends. I am guilty of this as well. The more I am with a guy, the more I tend to care less. This is an awful quality to have. I love getting butterflies as I get ready for a night with my boyfriend. Even if it is to just sit on the couch and cuddle. I don’t want to lose the little things in a relationship. I always want to get all giddy while I take hours trying to look adorable for the guy I will be spending the day with. It’s not all about first impressions. It’s about a long lasting relationship of happiness. It’s about still being able to get butterflies from the person you adore so much. Try not to let the comfort get the best of you and your relationship.

All black and white But I can hear you breathing still Colorless and monochrome And I feel you’re heart beating faster as we touch Echoing trough my heart…Pulsing through my veins You are everything I could ever hope to have In a vacant endless field with not one existing creature you with me eternally As I dash aimlessly toward the abyss at the end you reach out to save me from death I want it. You refuse it. It is not allowed I have been exposed… Open to the elements of emotion and such a vulnerability I could never wish to obtain What have you done? A spell has come over me. I must be Ill. It is out of my character. This is not my disposition The great pain to come may only be worth all the while You’ve made me weak without regret. I need you by my side again You were here. You left me empty and anxious I wanted more. I asked for too much You left me and didn’t look back Such a forbidden word is on my mind… Outlawed from my tongue and speech …… I love you. From the tip of the stars to the core of the earth Always and forever. You have my heart. You own my love. You might just be my everything =] ♥ -♥- *-♥-* -♥- ♥