I usually write in my journal, but my private shit ends up here anyway. Today, I learned that what I need in a relationship, I can't have. Where's commitment and trust anymore? I don't experience life through sight, touch or sound. I feel my way through life. My emotions control me, and rational thought takes a back seat. Maybe I should listen to my friends and give up on the higher ideals of love and commitment, and adopt an alternative lifestyle(something I have never done, but more-than-willing to give it a try). And I DO NOT MEAN GAY, people! I am difficult, stubborn. I have an over-idealized sense of life, and maybe I expect too much, but God I cannot help it--because I deserve it! God, give me strength!
