Charisma's blog: "living life to the fullest"

for a long time ive wandered around the lands in search of the meaning of happeness.there were what seamed close calls but never the fullfilment i thought would be there,i actually had began to think that like love happeness was some word made up without any true meaning.then one day i began talking to a casual friend and family member (l.d.c.)id had a rather close call and she came to me with just a casual get well and understanding but there was something more to it.i felt id known her for years or from a differant lifetime and wed just been reunited,not just meeting for the first time.well things went on and i found myself talking to her daily and waiting for the time she came online so i could talk to her.i never believed in computer romances but here i was,beginning my day and ending my day with her on my mind.well to make a long story short i fell in love with her and we began a more indepth relationship.ive been with her now for a few days and its been the happiest days of my life and the beginnng of many more to come togather.weve made our plans and are seeing them come true before our very eyes.she endurred alot of bs from people here and on other sites about our relatonship and its only served to make us stronger.weve talked for a yearnow though only been physically togather for about a week.to me shes the most beautiful creature ever on this earth and anyone that has gotten to know her has seen that beauty.to my real friends that know me and have stuck by me through the bs,i want you to know ,yes i am happy finally.to those n search of the meaning of the word love,like i was,seak out the meaning of happyness and youll find the deffinition of love. so now im sure you are wandering her name,well,my real friends should already know causive not hidden it.to those who had tied to stop us,you only helped and for those who will know me,youll get to know angel.her name is rebel bitch on here,stop in and meet my lady.shes a friend ,a lover,a compadre and a part of my soul.and mary,when you read this,I LOVE YOU!!!

ive been off here for a couple of months or more now and some vulchures have been having a hayday running me into the ground,well i hope you hd fun couse im back and soon for good and ill be setting the record straight and exposing these vulchures who like to toy with peoples emotions and lifes.im not about that and anyone that knows me knows whre i come from.ive helped qlot of you and always been there when a friend was needed ,this is how iv ben repayed by some jelouselow lifes,ive been declared a plaqyer,you all know better than that,ive been called everything there is to be called even.well i know several of these so called know it alls and im exposing each one by names (s) states ,nick names,aliases and everything else i know about them.i know my true friends will remain by my side as they always have and for the ones tat didnt know me well,youll get to really meet me.as for those that have chose to lie to my friends,use my name,ect,your the lowest of the low,you hurt alot of good people,you wont escape what you deserve,i swear to that. im sory to vent on here like this but right nw its the only way i have to get the message out to those who are my friends and to those who have tried to hurt my friends.im back,BRING IT THE FCK ON!!ill be on regularly soon.youll know when,trust me.be ready to have your names exposed so everyone knows what trash you really are.

when i was young time seamed to stand still and wed do anything for the time to kill wed play and go to school then do things to prove we were cool then the seasons changed and time seamed to go where to no one would know one minute we were in the backseat with our girl in the car then we were fighting a war in a land so far we lost our innocents to a world we never knew that seamed to encircle us as we grew we were adults in a world so strange then the seasons again did change we married and had kids of our own then for our countries sins we did atone wed fought our war and now had to pay for a land that was free ,forever to stay then in mid season the world seamed to stop and from its cruelty i wish we could hopbut now a life seamed to give way to age began a new life of great change instead of seeing my kids grow big and strong i had topay the price for a war that was wrong id loose my home,my family and wife and in short days following,id loose my life my children should not see me as i go through this pain but no longer can i bear the srain a life that that happyness had just entered now became torn and splintered today is the 32 aniversary since i went to war and its taken 32 years to end a life i now adore theres nothing to be said i fought that ar so u wouldnt wake up dead we are forgotten and no one cares all we get are your empty stares ill go on till my final day in fear hiding from you my lonely tear i fought that war though against my will and all i learned was how to kill cannot the lord up above give me time to experiance this thing called love youve shunned me away when i came home you sentenced me to forever be alone but one last thing may i ask of you lord it isnt hard for one such as you to do let me have the happyness i have finally found before they lay me in the ground one year of love so others i can tell living here on earth wasnt always hell dedicated to all viet nam vets and those vets that suffer the agent orange syndrome desiese that has robbed them of ever having a normal life.they die every day though not on the battlefield now.,they are still casualties of the viet nam war. thank you and thank god for our great country and those who fight to keep us free.

when i was young time seamed to stand still and wed do anything for the time to kill wed play and go to school then do things to prove we were cool then the seasons changed and time seamed to go where to no one would know one minute we were in the backseat with our girl in the car then we were fighting a war in a land so far we lost our innocents to a world we never knew that seamed to encircle us as we grew we were adults in a world so strange then the seasons again did change we married and had kids of our own then for our countries sins we did atone wed fought our war and now had to pay for a land that was free ,forever to stay then in mid season the world seamed to stop and from its cruelty i wish we could hopbut now a life seamed to give way to age began a new life of great change instead of seeing my kids grow big and strong i had topay the price for a war that was wrong id loose my home,my family and wife and in short days following,id loose my life my children should not see me as i go through this pain but no longer can i bear the srain a life that that happyness had just entered now became torn and splintered today is the 32 aniversary since i went to war and its taken 32 years to end a life i now adore theres nothing to be said i fought that ar so u wouldnt wake up dead we are forgotten and no one cares all we get are your empty stares ill go on till my final day in fear hiding from you my lonely tear i fought that war though against my will and all i learned was how to kill cannot the lord up above give me time to experiance this thing called love youve shunned me away when i came home you sentenced me to forever be alone but one last thing may i ask of you lord it isnt hard for one such as you to do let me have the happyness i have finally found before they lay me in the ground one year of love so others i can tell living here on earth wasnt always hell dedicated to all viet nam vets and those vets that suffer the agent orange syndrome desiese that has robbed them of ever having a normal life.they die every day though not on the battlefield now.,they are still casualties of the viet nam war. thank you and thank god for our great country and those who fight to keep us free.

AS MUCH AS I TRIED I JUST COULDNT LEAVE FUBAR.MY FRIENDS WONT LET ME.THANK YOU ALL.IT WOULD OF BEEN A BIG MISTAKE I KNOW.IVE MADE SO MANT FRIENDS AND THEY HAVE ALL PROVN THEY ARE TRUE FRIENDS BY LETTING ME KNOW I SHOULD STAY.LOVE YA ALL,IM HERE IF YOU NEED ME.TY AGAIN

born carrol sue on may 7 1989 to her parents.she weighted 5 lbs 3 oz and was 2 months premature.she began her life fighting to keep alive.on july 16,2007 she lost her fight to stay alive by her own will.all her life shed been delt the worst hand in the deck.at 3 her father was shot through their front door.it was never solved.after that her mom became an alchhalic and dated anyone for a drink.she witnessed her mother being beaten many times till ne day the beating was so severe she slipped into a coma.she never recovered.carrol sue was 13 when she wnt to a foster home.there she was raped by three of her foster brothers and abused by the parents.at 17 she became pregenant,she married the man who made her pregnenant.he was a 36 year old alchohalic her foster dad had made her date for money.the abuse began immediately,she lost 3 front teeth on her wedding night compliments if her new loving husband and a beer bottle he smahed into her face becouse she refused to have sex with the guys he was loosing to in a poker game.7 months and 43 stitches,a broken arm,shattered jaw and numerouse black eyes she made friends with a guy on the innernet.she began to get her self estemem back and soon left her husband after having him arrested for domestic violence.her new friend and her became real close but she fell in love with him.eventually he convinced her it wasnt love but just that she had never been treated nicely before.their friendship grew and grew.and the infatuation turned to mutual friendship love.it ws not destined to last.one day in the beginning of july she recieved a message from her friend,he made fun of her pic she had posted and caled her names and made sexual notations toward her.broken hearted she decided to end her anguish and pain.she was found on july 16,2007lying on the floor,her friends picture lay next to her soaking in her blood and a note asking god why her friend would do this lie on her bed.she passed at 1052am july 16 2007.on her computer was found a message from her friend explaining not to pay attention to any messages from him inless they had the code 333 on them becouse a hacker had gotten his id and was writing bad things to his friends.she never read that message from her friend. who is the guity party and who is the victim?carrol sue definatly suffered in the end .is the haker the responsible one?isnt her friend lso to blame.couldnt he of called to be sure she had gotten the message knowing her mental state?.i guess the answer will never be known. dedicated to a loving mother of 18,a dear friend and an angel,carrol sue,taken away becouse of her love for a friend.RIP CARROL "SUZY Q"PICKENS (ROBERTS)YOU ARE TRUELY MISSED.FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS END THEIR LIFE.

many good times were spent here with my friends,they were happy times with no forseen endsbut as all things these have come to passbut the friendships are there to last.i go on but in my mindi remember those words,all so kindi hate to lave with out a goodbye but in this blog,a farewell i must tryi found riches no man could ever findand its something ill never leave behindthere was love and i had given my heartbut through this world its now torn apart wish me luck as i do you,and remember to u i was always true.now in leaving one thing ive not said,ill take these memories with me till once i am dead. i never was one to say good bye, so im just going,in private ill cry dedicated to all my friends here on ct with special dedications to those so special to me

SHE HELD HER ARMS OUT AND GAVE ME PEACE,SHE OPENED HER SOUL AND MADE ME WHOLE.SHE NEVER TURNED ON ME AND NEVER DID SHE FROWN,AHE WAS ALWAYS THERE,NEVER MAKING A SOUND. SOME HAVE TRIED TO HURT HER AND DO HER WRONG,BUT SHES ALWAYS STOOD PROUD AND SANG HER SONG.SHES SHED A TEAR FOR ALL WHOS CARED,AND SHE OPENED HER HEART FOR THOSE WHO DARED. SHE MY GIRL,AND NEVER WAS ONE SO TRUE.SHES MY GIRL THE RED WHITE AND BLUE. ILL DEFEND HER WITH ALL I HAVE TO GIVE,AND SHELL GIVE SANCTUARY FOR ALL THAT WANT A GOOD LIFE TO LIVE.MUCH HAS BEEN LOST ,AND AT SUCH A COST,TO KEEP HER SAFE FOR YOU AND ME.SHES MY GIRL,TILL THE DAY I DIE,AND STAND PROUD AS HER FLAG FLYS HIGH IN THE SKY.SHE DOESNT ASK FOR MUCH IN RETURN,JUST TO BE LOVED,AND THAT SHES EARNED. I SEE THE WALL AND THE STATUES THAT BEAR,THE NAMES OF OTHERS WHOSE SOULS ARE THERE.THEY HAVE GIVEN THEIR BEST AND NOW LIE WITH THE REST,THEY LOVED MY GIRL JUST AS I DO,AND DEFENDING HER WILL NEVER BE THROUGH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET LOVE,YOUVE BEEN BLESSED BY GOD ABOVE. ************************************************* DEDICATED TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND TO EVERY MAN ,WOMAN AND CHILD THAT HAVE GIVEN THEIR ALL TO KEEP HER FREE.NEXT TIME YOU SEE HER FLAG WAVING HIGH IN THE SKY,JUST LOOK REAL CLOSE AND YOULL SEE,THE FACES OF ALL WHO DIED FOR YOU AND ME. RENEGADELVR

i lay here ,night after night and i look up thru my sunlight to the stars above .i watch as they glisten in the midnite sky and i feel the dampness as my eye begin to cry.i toss and i turn searching for something to hold,but all i find ,is a bed so cold. i go to town ,and i watch as people stroll by,never do they notice the tear in my eye.i see couples as they walk and hold hands .i see the couples as they share a life so grand.i go back to my house and down the road i ride,its th e lonliness in my heart i try to hide. i go to my spot so tranquil and cool,i stand there for hours skipping rocks across the pool.then its back to that place that i call home,where once again alone i do roam, ive traveled the world and many a place,but there is only that one longing face.the one that can make my heart warm.and release the happyness and let it swarm,.but such a life for me was not to be.im the loner,i must be free. as the Years pass my life does not change,and t most it must seam so strange.but i lived this way not by choice of life.ive lived this way becouse of my strife.ive striven to be the best i could be.ive given to others and kept nothing for me.now people shall gather and to each they will say,there lies the lonely heart,and alone he will stay. RENEGADELVR

he sat there by the cool brooke listening to the sounds as his bike slowly cooled down fron the hard ride.the brooke made a peaceful splashing sound as it cascaded over the rocks that vainly tried to block its rolling journey.he droped a cigarett between his fingers and struck the match against his worn boot.the match came to life spilling an errie light across the the mans face.it flickered across the wettness that had crpt slowly from the corners of his eyes and left its trail on his stubbled cheek. he had met many yet had left them behind,now swallowed in the depths of time.yet their remained one that haunted his mind.he had many that vainly had tried to be his friend,but they all had faultered and disappeared in the end.all but the one he held dear to his heart,and that memory tore him apart. he inhaled slow and deeply then silently blew away the smoke as he retreaved a lone picture from his wallet.the bright moon lite made an earrie glow across the glossy finish of the photo as he brought it to his parched lips.he lay the picture on his faded jeaned leg and stared at it as a smile overtook his weathered face. a little girl with flowing blond hair stared at the mans tear streaked face from the picture on his knee.'come daddy,play with me',it seamed to say.awww angel,the man spoke in broken words,then brought the picture back up to his lips then put it away. he walked to the brooks sany edge and peered into the blackend sky,then he sank to his knees and began to cry.dear god,the words came from within,be with my angel and stay to the end.he fell with his palms into the soft earth,and remembered the day,the time of her birth.then silently he stretched out on the ground and lat still. as the police taped off the area that day,and people began to gather,a lone man looked down at the seen below and shook his head.he stepped to the body and knelt on his knee,then picked up a picture that lay beside the fallen mans face.he looked at the picture then flipped it over.on the back were these words,just as he read.'to daddy from his angel.i love you dearly and dont ever forget,our time to be togather is permanetly set' they say the love of a woman can bring down the mightiest of men.but the love for a daughter has no end.//// dedicated to my 'daddys angel'cheyanne.someday well be togather again. renegadelvr