THE Broken Angel's blog: "Life"

All I really want out of life is my forever love. I know...it sounds cliche and all that. I mean...is too much to ask to be loved as much as you love? I only want to be the sun that rises and sets on his world and to be the reason for the smile on his face. I want to be the one that can walk up to him at his worst moment and hold him and tell him that everything will be ok....and he believe me. I just want to believed in. I want someone that will pick me up and move me to solid ground when my world is crumbling under my feet. I want to feel like I am the only woman on the planet that can his day......and his night! I don't want to be the only person in his life....only the most important person in his life. I guess it is too much to ask to be accepted wholey for who and what I am. To be accepted and loved for my flaws as well as my good qualities. I often wonder if there is a "perfect" match out there for me. Someone to make me feel whole. To fill the voic in my heart and my soul. I have gotten great at hiding behind the walls and mazes around my heart and keeping people out so that I don't get hurt. The thing is, as soon as I feel that I can trust someone enough to love them purely and to let them into my secret world they explore and find the deepest...darkest...most gaurded room that is filled with cob webs. And instead of cleaning that room up and making shine again they do just enough sprucing to make it feel half way alive again and then burn it up. They douce it in diesel and just light it up as if it never mattered at all. How can you tell someone that you love them and that they mean more to you than they will ever know and crush them so easily? How can you use the word love and not mean it all? Why is that so many people want to play games with the most precious gift that was ever given to man kind.....the heart and love? Why do you need to use the largest weakness people have against them? Why can't you just be happy with the love that they give you? II think the most devastating part of it is that I know it is my fault! I let them in....I give them key to walk freely through my heart and soul. I give them the access they need to break it....shred it....rip it apart! I think I am going to crawl back behind my walls and lock my precious love, heart, and soul away in safety forever! Its a lot less painful that way!

Notice the daate...oldie "Freesom Isn't Free" As I watched you pull the seat belt across and buckle it I stood there and watched thinking I couldn't take it! On the inside I was screaming please don't go as my knees hit the ground and I pleaded with you but on the outside I stood tall and proud with a half smile and half frown as I waved to you. I never let you see just how bad it was killing me knowing that this is the price for America to be free! My heart broke as I heard the ignition turn over the car pulled away and our conversation played over in my mind and in my heart! I wanted us to never again part! As I made one last wave and said in a barely a whisper "See you later my love" one lone tear fell silently down my cheek! This is the price that we pay for you to serve our country and I will forever stand by your side proud that you keep me free! I will be here waiting now and foerver until you return to me to stay for always! And you can believe that for me Freedom Isn't Free! By: Jennifer H. July 2006

Cry I make myself seem tough I hold my head high and smile I never waver with my love and my support I say I am a Navy girlfriend and say it proud I look strong as the words roll off of my tongue And to the world I am a pillar But at night when I turn off the lights And lay down without my sailor and the fear hits me that I may never again be touched by his warm hands I want to cry by: Jennifer H. May 2006 These are older and unfortunately I am no longer a Navy Girlfriend....but the poetry still means as much!

A Letter From Home Far away from home he fights to give you and I our rights. He gives his all to our country only to be forgotten by most. At mail call he stands head held high though nothing for him came that night. Day after day the same thing he feels all alone and cries in the night. Why must he go forgotten by those he fights to protect? He does not ask a lot a simple how are you note, yet the days pass with not one word. Though lonely and broken hearted he stands tall and proud. He will not break his vow to protect his fellow Americans. While he gives his all, you should give your effort and write one little letter to a soldier that deserves it. by: Jennifer H. Lynchburg, Va 5/2/2006

OMG! My sweet little princess graduates from kindergarten tomorrow night! How in the world did she grow up so much soooo fast! My son will be 4 in December and my daughter is 6 and I can NOT believe how fast it came! She had her cap and gown....that's right they go all out....pictures taken yesterday and I just wanted to cry! She looked so grown up in it! I am just in awe that she is already ending her kindergarten year! The first day of what they call K-4 last year I cried like a baby and I cried on the first day of school this year and now it is over and she is graduating! Uuugghh! Anyone know how to turn time back or even stop it still?? lol!

I am just gonna ramble on about the endless hours of work! Waaaaaa! Yea, that's right I am whining....lol! I went in to mu night job at IHOP tonight at 5pm and was supposed to get off of work at 11pm however I am just getting home. It really sucks because I am still considered a trainee so I don't make tips and only get my hourly wage! Oh well at least I don't have to go back until Friday (unless someone calls out) and then I will be on the floor so I will get my tips! That will be awesome! Plus Monday it is back to my day job as well so I will have good pay checks after that! :D Anyways! Guess that's about it for now!

Well I have come to the conclusion that being alone sucks! Being single is really hard! It's like you go from having a "normal" life to being an outsider all of a sudden! You don't really want to go out with your frineds because then you feel like a third wheel but you don't really want to sit at home either!It's pretty boring, too! I mean who wants to just hang at home all alone....AND you have no one to text just to say good morning and wish them a great day or just to tell them that you are thinking about them through out the day! You have no one to pick something up at the store for just because it reminds you of them! AND you have no one to cuddle up to and just be held! No warm arms to hold you, no shoulder to cry on when you need comfort, no chest to lay your head on and listen to the heart of the person you care about beat! No lips to kiss and no eyes to get lost in! I guess the thing that I miss the most is the feeling that someone really cares about me! The feeling that when I go to work someone is thinking about and missing me and wanting me! That when I am sleeping someone wishes I was there with my head on his shoulder! I don't know....none of this probably makes any sense anyways so I better quit rambling for now! :P I am sure I will write more later! :)