All I really want out of life is my forever love. I know...it sounds cliche and all that. I mean...is too much to ask to be loved as much as you love? I only want to be the sun that rises and sets on his world and to be the reason for the smile on his face. I want to be the one that can walk up to him at his worst moment and hold him and tell him that everything will be ok....and he believe me. I just want to believed in. I want someone that will pick me up and move me to solid ground when my world is crumbling under my feet. I want to feel like I am the only woman on the planet that can his day......and his night! I don't want to be the only person in his life....only the most important person in his life. I guess it is too much to ask to be accepted wholey for who and what I am. To be accepted and loved for my flaws as well as my good qualities. I often wonder if there is a "perfect" match out there for me. Someone to make me feel whole. To fill the voic in my heart and my soul. I have gotten great at hiding behind the walls and mazes around my heart and keeping people out so that I don't get hurt. The thing is, as soon as I feel that I can trust someone enough to love them purely and to let them into my secret world they explore and find the deepest...darkest...most gaurded room that is filled with cob webs. And instead of cleaning that room up and making shine again they do just enough sprucing to make it feel half way alive again and then burn it up. They douce it in diesel and just light it up as if it never mattered at all. How can you tell someone that you love them and that they mean more to you than they will ever know and crush them so easily? How can you use the word love and not mean it all? Why is that so many people want to play games with the most precious gift that was ever given to man kind.....the heart and love? Why do you need to use the largest weakness people have against them? Why can't you just be happy with the love that they give you? II think the most devastating part of it is that I know it is my fault! I let them in....I give them key to walk freely through my heart and soul. I give them the access they need to break it....shred it....rip it apart! I think I am going to crawl back behind my walls and lock my precious love, heart, and soul away in safety forever! Its a lot less painful that way!
