Friday, November 09, 2007
ramblings of a twisted mind......
Current mood: numb
Category: Life
The time is 11:42pm and i am restless..... My mind is somewhere in a far off place and my body is left in the present. I wonder if life is supposed to be this difficult or have I choosen to be lost??
The words are so hard to find these days and I think it is better to just not talk at all. I guess i feel like if i had something profound to say it would have already come out but, again i am speechless. That does not mean that i dont think or feel it just means that i am not sure what is right to say.
The whole love thing has me completely misunderstood! I have always been told that i am a mean person when it comes to relationships. Maybe i am just one of those people that have to be alone. Maybe i am to difficult for the average person to be with. I think i am misunderstood alot of the times.
I grew up a lonley person and had to depend on just me. I have always made it through the bad shit and usually come out okay. Is my luck running out? Maybe the time has come for me to just accept that i am made just for me. Is that even possible??? I was always told that there is someone out in this world for everyone. I used to believe that but now i am not so sure.
Does this make me cry? No i think it is just a fact of life. A cruel one! It does make me sad though. I know that i could change parts of me to make things better but then that wouldnt be me. If i made myself passive and tender then i would not be Destinee_Dawn now would I? I know that i sound fucked up but if people change to be with someone else that would mean they weren't ok to begin with.
I don't know! Who am I to judge what is right and wrong? I can only tell you that I have dated men and women and on both sides I have found the same problems and the same heartaches! Just when I think I have got it all figured out things seem to fall apart.
There are many paths to choose in this world. Finding the right one is the hardest part of going down that path. Sometimes the choice is what makes or breaks a person. Where do you go when you dont know what to do??
Sometimes I want to reach out and hope that someone will grab me but to depend on that is crazy to me. I cant be weak for there are people out there who will take advantage of that and use it. It is sad because it is usually someone close to you that you thought you knew. So it leaves me with a tough exterior that is kept under lock and key! Very few could say that they know the "real me" and other will tell you that I am unpredictible, sassy, and of course my favorite mean! Well I am that but those who know me will tell you that those are a few of my personality traits but there is more....
So if you are reading this please keep in mind that these are just ramblings of my twisted little mind.... Take it for what you will...
Destinee_Dawn
