Zero Edge's blog: "Life sucks?"

Hi hi, it's time for that unusual update. :D

I know I returned and all to fu not long ago and the scene these days keep on growing and growing. Oh how has the cherry bore so much fruit over these past few years. Let alone the amount of people :D

In a few months, I don't know when but in a few months I will take a leave again out of fu...after all I gots a life outside here. I need to spend some time again but I'll be back....hmm Fu might evolve again but if you need to contact me, Come find me on facebook at Emmanuel Fabic. I'm usually there if not then I'll catch you all on the flip side but I gotta be back, I want to have my 5th anniversary acheement (inside joke) here just like WOW! :D 

That is all, if you need my YIM hit my shout box. I am not giving it to everyone here... :P 

I'm sorry that I was raised with respect; not to sleep with you when you were drunk I'm sorry that my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised I'm sorry that I'm not cute enough to be "your guy" I'm sorry that I am actually nice; not an asshole I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just make out to you like some random guy. I'm sorry that I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date I'm sorry that I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy I'm sorry that I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend. I'm sorry if I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around. I'm sorry if I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work I'm sorry that you can't realize…I've been the one all along. I'm sorry if you read this and know somebody like this but don't care But most of all walk away like everyone else did. I'm sorry for not being sorry anymore. I'm sorry that you can't accept me for who I am. Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

We live yet we didn’t choose it and somehow appreciating it is not also part of the plan. Therefore a bed of lies is made to jump ourselves in to sleep away from our fears and tears away. The softest pillows even make out the parts of our heart that we try to hold on because there is that feeling of comfortable relief because we were finally able to hold out to our strongest muscle that was pulled out of us. Long before the end of the night we realized also that hugging was the best solution and plan. (Ironic but it's true to most of our lives when we experience something then later on we refuse it only to regret it later on.)

The dream that we sleep in every night is also the dream that we wake about and breathe ourselves into because none of us can say that we’re awake. We try to prove to the world we’re awake and working but in this state of mind we see that we are both doing the dreaming and working. We shake ourselves but we don’t realize that we’re not even waking up because the dream was just a dream. It is just that death that makes us realize that we woke up. We realized the flaws, the lies, and the memories that were buried inside our head. Everything suppressed is but released so that everyone will see it. “I’m just waking up from a dream that I just couldn’t wake up from.”- As one man said. (That's what I thought and I always seem to have that kind of thinking not as an existentialist but just as "The Walker" of life.

Identity is what makes our blood and flesh real and the words that we come out with are part from the thoughts that we had told ourselves when we were expressing our emotions and feelings to everyone else out there. Somehow I need to go back outside. I need to step back from the real world and walk around from it. I wanted to go back though but first I want to explore something out first. Right now, I am at a loss of thoughts and feelings especially this time of year. Although, I do hope I find my way back again.

Is it psychologically possible for man to hold back such violence? We look upon one person and say to them that we're friends but to that limit WE'RE only friends yet inside we look at them inside our mind. Inside that mind is that violent side that lets up and say that we must usurp that friendship and kill that friend. Inside our head lies: murder rape homicide slaughter torture mangled laceration How could we ever say that we did became friends when in fact we just wanted to kill you from the back? Just like Caesar's friend was, we can't blame ourselves for killing our friend for it was just pressure that brought our fears and power. Such corruption leads us to leaving in desolation and fear. Even friends weigh more than your enemies and yet we kill the enemy but the friend remains alive but in the end we have to kill him/her. Such is the problem of a friendship that lies in a great bond that was formed for years. Is it psychologically possible for man to hold back such violence? Especially it's for a friend that you're going to commit the violent act to.

Life sucks but who knows maybe yours just suck not mine. Not being egotistical but it just depends where you and I stand. Although it's not how it sucks but rather it's how you put yourself out there in the world that would tell the world you suck. It's just the way you are anyways, if you think you can say that life is good then say it's good. However look at it this way too if you're just saying that your life is good then let me tell you it will suck too. Quite the paradox? Time and time I look at it this way and say, "Ooh, ooh life sucks." but I see people dying and suffering then somehow I felt touched and just thinking of something to say that it won't happen to me will just make me look like an idiot right? Your choice, life sucks but think about it the more you say it the more you'll get yourself way in too deep for thinking such a blunderous thought. Thus condeming yourself to death. Right?