mindy's blog: "life rt now"

me and my x have been split for about 4m or so well im sick of playing this game w her where were not together but we act no diffrently then b4 kinda thing ive aparently hurt her twice now and thats it im done either im going to b w her or im not i cant take this inbetween bullshit my life is too complicated rt now to keep this up but im so afraid if i do this theres no going back and loose her forever but well i gottado this for me if she really loves me the way she said she did she'll come back to me o well had to vent ttyl

ive been a royal bitch the last few days unintestionly and my x has gotten the worst of it and i didnt mean to b so harsh and abrasive as she put it imunder a bunch of diffrent stressers and really not dealing very well i told her last night that it was always odd to me that shed fall asleep when we were talkig and she was drunk when i was trying to get her to answere a ? wich in retrospect is stupid bc by then normaly weve been talking for a while and drinking makes u sleepy after a while so dugh shes going to fall asleep but i hurt her feeling and no i feel horrible not how i wantd my birthday to go so this am instead of being happy as if i am trying to fix the mistakes i made lastnight not the most fun ive had the am of my bday o well thats what i get for being steessed o well hope all have a good day im going to try!

ok im starting to feel so fkn duped i think maggie has a new boyfriend and isnt telling me bc they are always hannging out together and now she isnt answereing my phone calls and shes acting wierd and i dont like feeling as if shes lieing to me and she will be here in less than a week and i dont want this to be hannging over my head i cant act normal around her if im thinking shes w this guy i need help and if shes going to keep telling me that shes not dateing him and i feel like she is i dont know what im supposed to any ideas?

i talkd to maggie the other night and it was inlightning i guess she told me she still loves me but i don't know how im supposed to take all of this i love her to death and she knows that i feel so safe when im with her and can actualy feel comfterable around her no matter what its just some times i feel like shes placating(sp?) me and i dont like that feeling at all i never thought i would find the woman i want to spend my life with and know im afraid i have and will never get her back things are just hard right now and it sucks shes sooo far away and she comes home next year for 13m but then she leaves again so if we get back together its going to b worse when she leaves ive never had her for more than a week to my self so 13m is forever o well no sense dwelling on it right now ttyl

my life is getting out of controle now i love my x maggie to death and really want her to b my wife and want her back im kinda in a new relationship but this girl is engaged to a man i dont do shard relationships plus there swingers so i am not the only female she may b sleeping with thats not ok so im not going to stay in that i allready told this girl that really it wasnt going to work out