Boo Boo Kitty Fxck's blog: "KarNi'z Poetry"

How can you say the shit you do
And treat me like Im trash
Easily thrown away
Even after all we've been through

The world comes first
No love for me
Sometimes I wonder
Am I just cursed

Nights I cant sleep
Days Im in a haze Wondering what I did wrong
To cause your brutal ways

I finally get my life together
And what do I get in return
The love from my life ripped away
And my heart turns black and burns

Now I am numb
And my hearts turned to ice
Nothing else can be done
For the burn to subside

And I walk the world like a zombie
No future and no past
Feelings and warmth I use to behold
Have long ago come and passed

This is my life all because of one
One so called human
A heart dead and useless
A human I thought once was a true man

Yea I wish you where here
Wishing I was watching you sleep
The lovely look apon your face
Makes my eyes leak

So happy when Im wrapped in your arms
Those long summer nights I can never forget
Laughing for hours
Captured by your charm

The world matters not
When I am hypnotized by your eyes
When I am kissing your soft lips
Laying beside you watching the sunrise

Yea I wish you where here
Our souls dance like butterflies in the breeze
My worries long gone
The world stands still, my dear

Like a perfect picture in a magazine
So loving and sincere
My heart almost burst with happiness
Everytime you are near

Your my angel in the sky
My gaurdian in the night
Honey, I wish you where here
Cuz then everything would be alright....

When you needed me
I let you down
Now I need you
But your nowhere to be found
My apologies and tears arent enough
Can't get you back now
The road ahead without you will be tough
You say I don't exist
Its cuts like a knife
Like the blade on my wrist
Are you worth my life?
I take a chance
Let my true feelings out
And all you do is crush my heart
Over and over again
Revenge you set on me
Hate it transcends
I'm holding on to whats left of us
A memory in the midst of the fire
The images I can't suppress
And Im wondering how I let you go
Let you slip away
What I got left here now
Pieces all over, my hearts in dismay
Cuz I let you down
I front to whomever
Saying Im better off
While I lay in bed at night
Wishing my limbs I could sever
I stay in a daze
Partially blocked off from the world
In my own little universe
Praying for today to be my last day
The day I ride quietly in a hearse
All because the day I let you down
I let myself down too
And this mistake I can't undue
And our friendship I can't renew

Feel so alone when Im with you now
An invisible wall
Seperate air to breathe
Different worlds we're in
Nothings as it seems
And I feel so lost now
More astray as time passes
Laughing with pain
Blurred vision threw these glasses
Weakness taking over my soul
The earth spins
I continue to stand still
Not an ounce of control
An emptiness I feel now
My emotions dismayed
Lost in a deep abyss
My heart protrudes from my chest causing decay
Anxiety and depression are all I see now
This disease I imbue on those around me
Will I ever recover?
I suppose to some degree
What will happen to me now
Reality Ill choose to disavow
Choke my emotions and thought
With liquor and drugs
And eventually I'll let go
Eventually some how

Don't apologize
Dissapear from sight
No pain in my eyez
These feelings Ill fight
And from this I'll grow
And so much I'll know
No more scars on my arms
No more tears on my face
bound from doing harm
Don't say it was a mistake
Don't beg for my forgiveness
This time around I'll be happy when I awake
Cuz I'll be riden of your vicous path
Revenge is the sweetest
And in the days to come you'll feel my wrath
Poisoned by thoughts of you and me
Days without sleep
But I swear you get it back times three
Karma's a mother fucker
Don't expect it now
It choices to defer
Waits for the moment when your life is just right
You won't see it coming
It creeps in over night
And I promise you'll wish I were there
To hold your head up
Wipe your tears in your time of despair
But my back is turned
You had your chance
And maybe from this the lesson will be learned

At night I creep
No sleep
Only I and the moon
I pray for the sun not to come soon
Creature of the shadows
Dead inside
From the light I hide
Conceiling my face from society
Consumed with anxiety
Never seeing the surface of sobriety
And why you ask
As a cloud of judgement you cast
For I have seen the darkest depths of my heart
Shaddered pieces
My soul teared apart
For which love I owe
Was it the heavenly father who on me chose to bestow
Or a dark force of evil
From the soils below?
Numb within
Cold and afraid
My tears like a beautiful cascade
In all its misery so peaceful and pure
My future ahead looks rugged and dim
Small and obscure
Will light ever again touch thy skin
Of this Im unsure

And look at this mess you've left behind
Dark circles under my eyes
Every song reminds me
I cant understand
How could it be so hard to be kind
How could I be so blind
And look what you left here for me
A broken soul
Crumbling debris
My heart black and scarred
1000 degrees of flames burning
My insides burnt and charred
Ashes blowing in the wind
I had so much hope and faith
The pain that of my body being skinned
Bare naked with nothing to hide beneath
And every now and then I bear a smile
Laying on my bedroom floor free from thought
I forget that I am dead inside just for a little while
And for a second I forget this mess you brought

Never thought it would happen to me
I'm a corpse cant you see?
Now Im sitting home alone
Wishing you where here
Im not suppose to love you
Im not suppose to care
What happened to the girl I used to be
She died a long time ago
Wouldnt you agree?
A corpse stuck here on earth
was this my destiny from birth?
To fall in love with someone I could never have
Someone who will never share my feelings my secrets and dreams
A corpse I am
This wasnt suppose to happen
Never to me
I was always happy and care free
What happen to the girl I use to be
You killed my soul
You let it fly away
You gave me nothing but hurt
And turned my world grey
A corpse I am
My mind a complete disarray
Im numb and dead
I'll just lie here and decay

Came to the conclusion
That I dont even need him
Just bored with life
Searching for a reason

A reason to wake up
A reason to get out of bed
My reasons for caring
Believing the lies i'm fed

Is the love lost
Has that feeling gone away
If so whats my reason
My reason to stay

Am I so use to drama, pain and dismay
That I can't let go
That I refuse to stray

Maybe I still love you
Maybe I still care
Lying to the world
A fake smile I bear

Torn up inside
Not knowing which way to go
The hurt
I've learned so perfectly not to show

So my last lingering question
Burried deep in my heart......
Whats my reason for still loving you
When your tearing me apart

Cant sleep
Filled with regret
You broke my heart
I'll try to fogive, but can never forget
The emptiness consumes me
Healing I cant find
Ups and downs
Highs and lows
I hate you sometimes
But cant let this go
Cant sleep
Got you on my mind
Disgusted with myself
For being so blind
Laying in my bed
Feeling so alone
Stairing at my dark ceiling
Waiting for a ringing phone
Want to tell you how Im feeling
Want to hear the sound in your voice
Knowing this hate for you is building
Cant sleep
Feeling so cold
Puffin on a cigarette
These feelings unfold
Love & hate
Passion & detest
Things i never thought I'd possess
Eyes finally get heavy
As I start to envision
The solution to my great indecision
A wonderful demise to this mistake
For me to sleep and never awake