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Merry Christmas ;)
This is the type of dumbass shit I'd do....but I couldn't help but giggle reading it.
So, last night my friends took me out for my bday. I'm thinking out to eat and then to a club of some sort. Yeah, we hit a club alright. A flippin' strip club. Then they proceeded to tell the dude there that it was my bday and next thing I know, I'm up on stage TIED to a frigging chair and all of the strippers proceeded to rub their tits and crotches on my face and every other available body part I have. Let's not forget for the finale, they untied me, made me get down on my hands and knees and proceed to SPANK me with a fucking belt.
Suffice to say, I woke up this morning smelling like liquor, baby oil and snatch.
Fun times.
This is what happened the last time I tried cybering..so maybe this will explain why I don't do it anymore :(
Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: f what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
Boy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a fucking break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are fucking sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: fuck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go fuck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your pussy
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
I hear this happy lil laughter and I look out my door to see the lil Mexican kid next door chasing a chicken. The chicken was squawking and flapping its wings on lil yellow legs that just ran as fast as they could. I watched this in amusement for about 5 minutes till I got bored. I decided to help the lil fella out. The chicken of course. I ran back inside and got my slingshot and the first thing I could find to catapult...a peanut. IN THE SHELL! I shot that that lil bastard right in the neck. The Mexican kid of course.
I found this quote earlier:
"We are the perfect couple, we're just not in the perfect situation."
How many of us can look at that, read that and truly understand what it means? It really hit home for me.
While circumstances in some relationships make it seem impossible that it'll end in a good way, how many of us simply give up, lose faith and move on? How many of us realize what a treasure we hold and WORK at making it possible?
I'm a firm believer that your happiness is what you make of it. Most believe that luck plays a huge part in it. I dont. I'm the one responsible for the happiness in my life. I'm the one that has to work hard to make it stay that way. I dont rely on anyone else.
I've realized just lately, that you can appreciate what you have and work on making it better, OR you can sit there and try to place the blame of your misfortune on others and let it go because of lack of faith.
I've always believed that each person has their ONE true love. I'm not saying you cant love twice, three times or even a hundred times. I'm saying that there is ONE person that will complete you in this world and only that person.
It's odd how the heart reacts differently to this person. This heart that finds this true love of your life will do the most uncharacteristic of things. It will give you patience when things dont go your way. It will make you see the faults of the person you love and accept them all because without them, they would be quite ordinary. It will reassure you when doubts enter your mind. It will warm your entire soul when this person is near, whether in person or in spirit. It will make you smile at the littlest of things and cry happy tears everytime you realise you've been blessed. It will erase all the hurt and anger of a disagreement with only 3 words: I love you. It will make you feel whole.
No love is easy. Obstacles in our paths that we overcome in relationships only make them stronger. Makes it more precious because it's something we succeed at and it has the highest reward possible. The love of someone else. When you're tired and start to lose faith, remember that someone else is depending on you to not give up. Remember that they are there for you to lean on and help you hold on what you have both found. One person cant make and keep a relationship alive. If you try, then you're only setting yourself up for a bitter ending.
Love and relationships are what you make them. They dont come to you already wrapped up in a neat package with a pretty bow. You have to find all the tools and build it with a partner. You both have your own instructions on the process, but it's a blending of the two that will make your gift that much more special and prized at the end of the day.
So, even though situations or circumstances may not be perfect with the person you love, if the love you have FEELS perfect in your heart, then to me, that's the greatest gift of all.
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