I'm often told that I come across as so many things, some positive and some negative. I just thought I'd give a lil insight on myself:
1. I am for the most part confident, but at the same time, I doubt myself alot. I doubt my looks, my personality, my ability to do something well. I thrive on compliments and positive feedback. I'm not saying I'd crawl into a hole if I didn't get them, but I'd be lying if I said that they didn't make me feel good. There are some days that I have a very low opinion of myself and I hate that.
2. I set goals for myself and when I don't make them, well I feel let down and less of a person. I want to succeed and be appreciated at what I have to offer.
3. I am as outgoing in real life as I am on here, BUT if I am around someone I like, then I'll go a bit shy and quiet until the other person starts the conversation up.
4. I come across as this tough bitch but in reality, I get my feelings hurt easily, either by words or actions. I say things in a sarcastic way and it's often misconstrued as me being hateful and mean, but honestly, I hardly have a mean bone in my body.
5. I lash out when I'm hurt and I get grumpy when I've not had enough sleep. I don't like to admit my weaknesses and when they show, I blow them off in a joking manner, when in fact, I sometimes wish I had someone I could just open up to and confide in.
6. I tend to fall for the wrong guys, whether they be taken already or just not good for me in general (distance, attitude, past). I know what I'm looking for, but when I think I've found them, I get let down. And I hurt.
7. I'm an adventurous person, but underneath, I'm usually shaking in my shoes and having a quivering tummy. I believe that the only way to get past fear is to face it, so I do it when I can.
8. I'm scared of dying alone. That there wont be anyone there to hold my hand as I take my last breath.
9. I'm terrified I'll fail as a Mother. I want for my kids everything I didn't have growing up. I want them to feel secure and that they can tell me anything. I want them to trust me. I want them to outlive me and give me wonderful grandkids that are just as beautiful as they are.
10. Lastly, I'm afraid that I'll be forgotten. I want to be remembered for the wonderful things I do that not many people get to see. I want to have someone look back in time and remember me with a smile on their face and a warmth in their heart.
So, now you've read this and I hope you're thinking "She's not as bad as I thought". If you are, then this blog did what I wanted it to do.
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