sweet tart's blog: "Just some stuff I write..."

I have to be honest here...I don't have a good feeling (I hope, beg, pray to whatever powers there are, that I am wrong) about the upcoming MRI for my RL Quasi husband (look quasi up if you do not know what it means). I am fucking terrified but I can't show it. I'm supposed to be a cast iron bitch...strong...impenetrable....

I'm not.

My mind is consumed with worry...stress...jesus fucking christ, not another illness...

I can't endure it, once again...or can I??? I DON'T KNOW. I don't fucking know. Hurry up and wait....I FUCKING hate that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We shall see what happens.

I'm a little concerned about a loved one. He has had testicular cancer twice (13 yrs. in between). He went through treatment and had both removed. He went to the doctor the other day and now has an MRI scheduled for Wed. then a CAT scan soon after...basically his doc said, something isn't right. What are the odds that he has cancer for the 3rd time? HOLY FUCK! NOT AGAIN! I told him I would kick his ass! I had to lighten the mood of the news. I am not an alarmist, but I know his symptoms and they are daily. I have worried about his headaches for a long time and asked many times for him to talk to his doctor...I think he finally listened to me. Just needed to vent a little.

Thanks

So, I'm rating tonight (to do the leveling thang), listening to my fave local radio station. A song comes on and I am reminded of something that tickled me to death. I was in my bathroom, brushing my hair listening to the radio...when my little princess, Kynleigh (great niece) walked in asking what I was doing....then proceeded to sing what was on the radio....."Last Resort" by Papa Roach...she even knew the place that they make the word "fuck" silent...she was about 3 years old. Keep in mind at 2 I was teaching her how to garden while introducing her to Black Sabbath! LMAO! JEEEEEZ I love that girl. She had already been exposed to Godsmack and other great bands! She is a kick ass pre teen now.

Just made me happy and needed to share...though no one really reads my rantings. LOL

KISSES!

Perhaps I am growing stronger now...I can think of and remember my Daddio since his passing, without crying.......fucking finally!

I love you my darling Daddio....there is nothing better than a father's love. Even after death, I can feel his love. I can feel him, still. And he is not ashamed of his baby.

A Foo Fighters song made me think...

"There goes my HERO, he's ordinary."

I have so many heroes! No particular order.

My Daddio...for being the dreamer, many of which never came true. But he dreamed...what are we without our dreams? ...and for his humor and ability to make people smile and laugh.

My Mom...for strength through so many things a mother shouldn't have to go through...4 children with 4 VERY different views that do not always mix. And humor as well.

Restrictive...for showing and making me understand who and what I am...and making me feel proud and stronger because of who I am.

StormMaster...for accepting me as I am, flaws and all. And, He still cares about me.

Slippery When Wet...for always being my friend when I was not worthy of that friendship.

Madwelshman...because he is strong and has gone through so much and I am so very happy he is in my life. I hope he feels the same! He is a true friend to me.

I'll combine these because I have never felt such a strong connection with women as equals. LABYRINTH and SINDERS. 2 women I admire and love with all of my heart!

My 2 girls, babysunshinegirl and T Bunny...for giving themselves so completely to me, they are My babies!

My Jeffy...because no matter what a cunt I am...he still gets up the next morning telling me I am beautiful and he loves me. Most of the time, I give him NO reason to feel that way.

There are more Heroes great and small. Heroes touch our lives and make them better in some way. I thank all of my heroes, whether you were named or not...you know if you have touched my life or not. And each have given me strength and comfort in your own way. I thank you! If I did not mention you, it does not mean you haven't touched me in a profound way.

I love my Fu's, I love my heroes...and I always will.

Kelly

A Foo Fighters song made me think...

"There goes my HERO, he's ordinary."

I have so many heroes! No particular order.

My Daddio...for being the dreamer, many of which never came true. But he dreamed...what are we without our dreams? ...and for his humor and ability to make people smile and laugh.

My Mom...for strength through so many things a mother shouldn't have to go through...4 children with 4 VERY different views that do not always mix. And humor as well. She still goes for the underdog...never gives up! 

Restrictive...for showing and making me understand who and what I am...and making me feel proud and stronger because of who I am.  Pushing my limits....always pushing!!!

StormMaster...for accepting me as I am, flaws and all. And, He still cares about me.

Slippery When Wet...for always being my friend when I was not worthy of that friendship. I'll always love you. 

Madwelshman...because he is strong and has gone through so much and I am so very happy he is in my life. I hope he feels the same! He is a true friend to me.

I'll combine these because I have never felt such a strong connection with women as equals. LABYRINTH and SINDERS. 2 women I admire and love with all of my heart!

My 2 girls, babysunshinegirl and T Bunny...for giving themselves so completely to me, they are My babies! I love them unconditionally.

My Jeffy...because no matter what a cunt I am...he still gets up the next morning telling me I am beautiful and he loves me. Most of the time, I give him NO reason to feel that way.

There are more Heroes great and small. Heroes touch our lives and make them better in some way. I thank all of my heroes, whether you were named or not...you know if you have touched my life. And each have given me strength and comfort in your own way. I thank you!

If I did not mention you, it does not mean you haven't touched me in a profound way.

I love my Fu's, I love my heroes...and I always will.

Kelly

Ya know, I've never had many female friends in my life. I have always had more male friends than anything (yes, just friends), always been considered one of the guys. Which is great, I do dig power tools, getting dirty and beer or booze more than frilly horse shit. But connections made here and other places have made me realize that there are more girls like me out there. I am happy for the female connections I have made that are more than a girl in a pretty dress. CHEERS to the strong women that I love with all that I am! And you know who I mean!!!!

Always your Tart

Finally...first holiday since my Daddio passed that I am not consumed by depression...still no tree, though, maybe next year!  *smiles and shrugs*

Sometimes we are fortunate enough to meet online friends that are TRUE friends. You just connect with them. I have met some that exceed that. And some that have disappointed me. Concerned, I texted and got a reply from one I have not heard from in a while...I texted just to say I love and miss you. Immediately I received a reply....JEEEEEEZ! I love that girl!

I miss my Laby aka LABYRINTH. Such a beautiful, kind soul. ALWAYS MY BFFBFB....(our own creation).......

I am happy tonight!

Cheers to my Laby and precious, true friends!