sweet tart's blog: "Just some stuff I write..."

Mother (fucking) Nature

I respect and admire HER. Don't get me wrong...but, I have a chance to be alone in a big 1900's fabulous house. Animal and house sitting for 3 nights and 4 days, thinking I may get a little partying in......SHE has other ideas....SHE decides, I should be in intense pain and pretty much unbearable to be around. SHE certainly has impeccable timing. THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE  for being so sensitive....*rolls eyes*

 A tear falls every time I think of what was...

A tear falls with each stab of the knife, into my heart...

A tear falls with every emotion...

A tear falls with every thought of you.

A tear falls knowing, I would never leave you alone...

Tears fall, because YOU left me alone...when I would NEVER leave YOU!

I'm so fucking tired of bad news. My aunt is having surgery on Thursday to have cancer removed from her breast...tonight there is news from my RL boyfriend's side of the family that his brother has a spot that is suspicious in his body....oh FFS! Enough with the whole cancer shit. Who is hiding the fucking cure? There IS one in the natural world. That's what the world is for! There is a natural cure. OR WE WOULD ALL BE DEAD ALREADY! I'm just tired of all that shit! We shouldn't have to poison our bodies to cure another poison...it's insane....JFS...and I will shut up now.

PEACE and HEALTH to my loved ones, online and offline.

I'm just frustrated as hell....

I have many things going on in my life, one of my concerns (as trivial to some as it may be) is my dog....the love of my life, Buddy...I have noticed lately, he is not hearing things like he used to. Yes, he is getting old. I've had him longer than my RL boyfriend. So over 12 years. He is a Lab/Chow mix. He has become so needy that it makes me a bit nervous. Almost like...."hey, I am gonna die...baby me while you can!" needy. He wakes me around 3 or 4 a.m. each morning to lift this hefty 80 lbs. onto the bed...I can't say no. Last night, I lifted him onto the bed, he faced me and slept...I did not. I cherished the moment...stroking him...his sweet face at mine. His NOT so sweet dog breath consuming my own. And I thought to myself...I can't live without this. How could I? PURE loyalty...PURE love...I thought I would die when my father did...it will be as bad when my Buddy leaves me....and I worry about that day!

Just venting, I guess...

Warrior/Defender....Celtic/Gaelic

Of noble birth...German

Possibily a form of Wallace (Scottish). Wall (English)...or one in the same.

Can you name me?  If you do not know already....LOL!

Kisses!!!

Sometimes it's easier to do this (a blog) when I am unable to be on. I have not been on today for various reasons. My mother got her stitches out from eye surgery....she wanted me there and all has gone well. My quasi mother in law needed to be settled in at home after her pace maker surgery, we did that....Someone will be with her for the next few weeks (cuz she is old as dirt, no disrespect to her, but she is in her 90's! And an amazing woman). And I'm just tired....when I'm tired, I am quiet. Simple as that. No disrespect to ANYONE...just tired....I love my Fu's, you all know that.

Kelly

I just realized a niece I raised from an infant until 17, on and off for just a few years, is turning 24 tomorrow. I didn't even know until a few years ago that I made a positive influence...She hated me for years, for not allowing her to be bad...well, thank the powers that be....because she was NOT blessed with good parents. They both were bad and good at different times. But I am proud of her strength. She holds 2 jobs and is very responsible except for minor indulgences.....I have my own as well....she wants to move back down here with me. I welcome that and time with such a strong young woman! After all....family IS EVERYTHING............................

I happened to be watching NatGeo today about Niagra Falls....was about to flip the channel......WAIT!!!!!!!   That hot long haired guy is familiar!!!! OMFG! He shucked oysters at my aunt's birthday/memorial party!!!! He has gone over Niagra Falls many times! And he is shucking oysters for my darling Aunt Claudia! OH GOD! It just made me so happy and sad at the same time. SHIT! as I am typing this, I see movement....it was a full figure. And just last night, my mom dreamed of her sister...my aunt Claudia.

I really don't care what anyone thinks....I've seen this all of my life. No one can tell me full figures are imagination.....FULL HUMAN FIGURES!!!!  C'mon....

Voices, dreams of death....There is more than just OUR world!  I know it because I live it!

Perhaps you should not have distanced yourself when I needed you so much.

Maybe, I should not  have done the same.

I am sorry.

Often, I look at my life...past, present and future. More often than not, I find that my friends, both off and online are more loyal than my own blood family. How disturbing is that? Being southern, you are taught that family means everything. Even when your own flesh and blood betrays you. You learn to keep your mouth shut! I have spent many years, months, days and hours worrying and mourning my blood that has betrayed me.

I mourn no more.

I have been used and abused by my blood. My family that is "christian" have betrayed me more than any other. Let them live with that and pray to the god they worship for forgiveness.

I am a good and loving person even with my darkness, I would never hurt anyone like they have hurt me.

 I assume my own demons have awakened my awareness. So be it. Maybe it is time to stop trying to make things right, that will NEVER be right. Perhaps, those that judge me will be judged by the powers that be, in the end.

I love...I do not ask for ANYTHING in return. I love because I love....nothing more, nothing less. I love...because I am capable of feeling that beautiful emotion. I will not stop loving the family members that have hurt me, it is just more guarded...and will never be the same.

I love....because it makes me happy! I hope I'll have that happiness for the rest of my days.

May my friend's lives be filled with peace and love, FOREVER!

Always your Tart