maddog35thsig's blog: "Just Some of my rantings from the past"

From my year in Iraq Reasons I shouldn't work alone nights- 31 Oct 2004 The strangest things occurs to me at 2 or 3 in morning, I guess I shouldn't work alone at night. Odd things like this: The real four stages of life 1) you believe in Santa Claus 2) you don't believe in Santa Claus 3) you are Santa Claus 4) you look like Santa Claus Or how `bout the weird cycle of success in life at age 4 success is not peeing your pants at age 12 success is having friends at age 16 success is having a drivers license at age 18 success is going all the way at age 30 success is having money at age 50 success is having money at age 60 success is going all the way at age 70 success is having a drivers license at age 80 success is having friends at age 85 success is not peeing your pants ---AND--- More reasons I shouldn't work alone at night- 17 Nov 2004 Reasons people over 30 should be dead: According to todays regulators and bureaucrats those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's and even part of the 80's probably shouldn't have survived. Why? Well here are some reasons: Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. (not too many of us are brain-damaged) There was nothing to stop us from sticking forks in an electrical outlets. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets. When we rode our bikes we had no helmets. As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts, car seats or airbags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was a treat. We drank water out on the garden hose (we didn't have bottled water). We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda loaded with sugar, but we were never over-weight `cause we were always outside playing. We spent spring and summer building go-carts out of scraps and then rode them down hills only the find that we forgot brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve this problem. (well, most of us did) We could leave the house in the morning and play all day, as long as we were home by the time the street-lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day `cause there were no cell-phone or beepers. (unthinkable!!!) We played dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt. We climbed trees and fell out of them, we got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits! We had fights were we punched and kicked one another. We got black and blue, and learned to get over it. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls, we ate worms and mud pies, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes and the worms did not live inside us forever. We rode our bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door, or rang the bell and talked to them. (there were no chat room or the internet) Little league had try-outs and not everyone made the team, those that didn't learned to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and then had to repeat it. Our actions were our own, consequences were expected. Our parents didn't bail us out of jail, they sided with the law. We had freedom, failures, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with them all, but this was before the lawyers and the government and busy-bodies started regulating out lives "for our own good." Kinda makes you want to run around the house with scissors, doesn't it? --Then there's-- Here I go again- 20 Nov 2004 Once more boys and girls, I have too much time on my hands. These silly fools, they let me work night shift and think I'll be safe there. Odds And Ends - When your tolet won't stop running, and you put your hand in the tank to fix the chain, don't you wonder, briefly, whether or not the water in the tank has already been in the tolet bowl? -They say that rather then cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. -If you're a criminal, the best way to be is "at large." -We have classifications called "legally blind" and " legally dead." What about "legally tired"? I think a guy should be able to declare himself legally tired, so he could get out of doing shyt he didn't want to do. -If I ever have a stroke, I hope it will be early in the morning, so I don't have to take my vitamins that day for no reason. -I've noticed Connie Chung has faded away again. -There are some people who are so nondesrcipt that if their idenities were stolen it would be an improvement. -True Fact-- It's against the law to mutilate grave remains. So apparently, it's not illegal to be in possession of grave remains, the trouble starts when you mutilate them. Nice distinction. -I wanna get an impersonal trainer. We'll meet at the gym, we won't talk,he'll work out and I'll go home. -If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? -I wonder if a classical music composer ever intentionally composed a piano piece that was physically impossible to play and then stuck it away in a trunk to be found years after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy, -All patriarchal societies are either perparing for war, at war, or recovering from war. -If you cloned yourself, who, exactly, would be your parents? Can you raise yourself? I guess so. And it might be fun, just think, by the age of six you'd be driving yourself to school. -The wrong two Beatles died first. -Indoor electric illumination is often referred to as "artificial light." How can it be artificial? The way I look at it is this: If I can read by it, see myself in the mirror and recognize my friends, it's probably as real as I'm ever gonna need it to be. -You know what you never see anymore? A guy with a pencil behind his ear. -True Fact-- One of those clubs that feature nude dancers recently got in trouble with the government because it didn't have a wheelchair ramp. -I'm not a guy who thinks he can have itall,but I certainy feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more then my share. Well, that's all for now folks.

Pissed off at dickless wonders From June 11, 2007 I'm so fuckin' fed up with these stupid, dickless, amoral cum-bags! If anyone knows even the tiniest thing about me then they know I just don't give a fuck about most people. I don't care, on the main, if I've hurt your feelings, or if what I've said or done has caused you the slightest bit of discomfort; if anything said, done, thought or attempted to do is considered anti-social, politically incorrect or against the grain. "Politically incorrect?" Fuck that! the first amendment of the Constitution gives me the right to freedom of speak! If i want to use words like dot-head, camel jockey, sand-nigger, jungle bunny, porch money, cracker, "boy", slant, gook, trailer trash, whore, cunt, dick, ass-munch, fag, fudge-packer, rug muncher, bend over bobby, kraut, limey, frog, spic, wet-back, texican, dike, tree-hugging-man-hating-lisbo-Fermi Nazis, then Goddess damn it I will. Stop looking at me like it surprises you! If we're in a bar and some jack-off comes up to me and starts talking and I look at them and say "Who the fuck are and what makes you think you can talk to me?", don't tell me I need to be nice. Cause I don't! I don't have to be anything other then what I am. An Asshole. To those people that send me e-mails or that have replied to some of my posts, NO I am not gonna tone it down or stop stirring up shit! It's entertaining to me and if you know me then you know that that is all I want. If some skater scum falls of his face while trying some stupid trick he/she saw a professional do; I'm gonna laugh my ass off. Why? Because their pain is funny to me, why else, dick-head! I'm not the moron that choice to get on a board with wheels, why should I give a damn if they hurt themselves? It's the Doc Theory of Relativity: It ain't my fuckin' relative, so I don't fuckin' care. And, another thing, if I'm in a bar and you come over and start talking to and my response is "Do I know you?" if you say "Yeah, we had a drink however many months ago" my response will probably be "So how does that make you think I like you?", walk the fuck away cause I don't remember you and I'm most likely about to crush you windpipe to stop you from using my air. It's mine and I really don't want most of the mutants out there using it up on me. The only people out there that I ever make an effort not to offend are my family. Whether they're blood related, ink related or such good friend I consider them family, they're family to me.If you don't like it, fuck off you panzy motherless ass. This has been another ranting brought to you by me: King of the Assholes!

You know you’ve been in Iraq too long when... When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes" When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive Every guy that reports to your unit starts looking attractive You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the KBR (contractor run) dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining facility because you think it tastes better You actually volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country yet You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab dress The contractors have more fire power than the military combat units. (This is true) You take the time to add your lines to this list You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on DVDs buying Basic Instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the sex scenes You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5 seconds When the organization you work for has changed its name more than 3 times When you can actually talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on their cell phone a block away When you actually spend more time writing e-mail about the dog in the compound versus how to conduct the fight in Najaf Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, naked and try to pick each other up When you actually get excited to get a package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret Catalog When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over You memorized every episode from the 4th Season of Sex in the City You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie bought at Haji mart You see celebratory fire going over the compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire back Your thinking of buying real estate in the green zone Your idea of sex is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging with your wife on the computer, OK, 10 minutes, who are you kidding? You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in friggin Baghdad You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make you feel better about your time you have left in country You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah You're in the Marines and you start saying Hooah You're in the Navy and you realize you are in the middle of the desert, the exact opposite of being in the middle of the ocean, where one might normally find the Navy. You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home because an Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore this list, zoomie, you won't get it. You only notice the stench of Haji funk when its not there You plan on removing all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more natural You forget there are other colors than brown that can be found in places other than power point slides The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex jacket You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot and dry to short, cold and wet. When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?" You call home and your wife says hello Bill (your name is Sam) When you go on R&R, you duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive Garden." When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local water. While on R&R, you look out the window and find Nature, which leads you to wonder who stole your sandbags. When some of the contractors wear their DCUs (Desert pattern camouflage uniform) more properly than some of your soldiers. When 12 hours is a short work day You go Battle Captains! When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the FRAGO that MNC-I was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't weighed in, since they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs within the ISF to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no questions. When you start using words like G'day mate, Cheers, and Bloody hell as part of your normal vocabulary When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more than 3 times When the palace catches fire and instead of helping to put it out you grab a bag of marshmallows and start roasting When you step into any office and there are 6 colonels, 12 lieutenant colonels, 15 majors, and 8 captains supervising the work of 1 sergeant When you end every phone conversation with "Out" When you're ordered to get an air mission together on short notice because it's a "Hot priority" only to have the Major call back once he is in the air to ask "Does anyone know where I am going?" When the weapon buyback program has become so successful that you have issued the same AK-47 to the Iraqi army 3 times When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding mortar When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon status is Red and your looking for the clearing barrel When on R&R you go to Church and wonder why no one is wearing body armor or carrying an automatic weapon to the service You see an indirect fire attack take out a generator and get angry at the enemy for not hitting the one that powers your computer You see an indirect fire attack take out an air conditioner and your vigor to fight is renewed You yell at the FNG for shouting incoming when the rounds don't impact close enough to hit your tent with dirt You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire You decide for that for shits and grins - lets take a run around Lost Lake at Camp Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most mornings) The highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that they got in a new shipment of Schick Tracer razor blades When you send out your laundry and your whites become grayer, your blacks become grayer and your DCU's become grayer - makes it easier to sort loads... You get offended by people wearing clean, pressed DCU's You decide that it is a better course of action to pull your blankets over your head than put on your body armor during a mortar attack - the woobee will save you and at least you are comfortable You make a contest out of seeing who can wear their uniform for more days before becoming entirely disgusted with themselves You wonder if the fish served at dinner really was carp caught out of the Tigris or Camp Victory's lake You find it completely acceptable to pick your nose while talking to a complete stranger or member of the opposite sex A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun fire or explosions don't even cause a pause in the conversation