maddog35thsig's blog: "United States Redneck Special Forces"

I realized, recently, that most people think I'm off the wall and that's something that holds me apart from EVERYBODY else in the world. Then while I was rereading a favorte blog from my "brother" Puck (because he took 1 too many to the face) I realized that I'm not as unique as everyone else claims. I also realized that Puck just doesn't get enough credit for being just like I am! So, people here are the Words Of Puck, as writen in His blogs! BTW, I didn't ask him to reprint these, so if he asks you don't know who posted this!!!!!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Monday, December 03, 2007 ’Tis the season for a pissed off Puck Current mood: irritated Winter finally hit up here. I think it's time to move back down South. I'm so angry right now, my coffee tastes horrible. If I was EVER single again, I'd go to Wal-Mart to look for a date. Space for Rent. Apply within. MXC is the greatest t.v. show E-E-E-EVER. The new Chineese Buffet place opens in 2 days at 10:30am. Anybody else wanna door bust the place?? Who still reads a newspaper? Just wondering if my job is still relevent. Sorry folks in Canada, but I really hate Nickleback. Can somebody loosen this straight jacket? It's hard to type. Mom's Dolphins are 0-12. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Bring Hockey back to Glens Falls!!! I would crawl on my hands and knees across 10 miles of broken glass just to listen to her piss in a tin cup over a telephone.......that's love. The next asshole to that informs me that I don't sleep enough is getting a sledgehammer right to the forehead. Hey, NY Goverment, WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!! "Gof of Thunder" is the best KISS song. Which pets are going to save the Wonder Pets after I eat them? Game Over. 6:34 AM - 5 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment Wednesday, November 14, 2007 It’s on, now...... Current mood: moody Here's your damn random blog so you ALL can leave me alone about it. -You like my profile picture? It's exactly what you think it is. -I'm going to eat the Wonder Pets. -Nothing more annoying that Liberals calling my house at 7 am trying to get me to vote for an election that's going to happen NEXT YEAR!!!!! -Wanna know how I'm handleing Meg being gone? WONDERFULL!!!!!! I just wanna River friggin Dance. How in the Blue Hell do you go from needing 2 valves replaced in the heart to being cleard to start basic training over?? HOW DOES THAT WORK!!!!!!!! -Somebody used Sponge-Bob as a Contraceptive spounge........ewwww...... -Have I ever mentioned before in any of these blogs that I like porn? -www.fubar.com Tell them I sent ya! -Anybody else but me want to slap Bruce Springstien and tell him to go back to 1984? -I'm starting to feel better -I need a new computer! My birthday is in 12 days..... -I'm going to splice the genes of a camel and a monkey. Hey, It's my random blog and I'll say what I want! -Mike Vick should get the Death Penealty. Put some weed and coke on him put a half dozen drug dogs in his cell and lock the door. -R.I.P. Fabolous Moolah 9:56 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment Monday, April 16, 2007 A Birthday Present..... Current mood: grumpy For my Assbag of a Sister-in-law. Happy Birthday, Sarah The Blog King is back, and I got a whole lot of built up shit I want to talk about. Damn it feels good to be back working nights. I want to play Lacross for Duke, I hear they throw one hell of a party. Who is buying my ticket for Breaking Benjamin and 3 Day's Grace? I've played "Capture The Flag" with bullets. Who knew that a $10 computer game from Best Buy was more additing than porn. Jamie wants to type. Gsrdsa x zkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 211 NNNNU7 Translataion: Happy Birthday Aunt Rah-rah. I found that bin-Laden fucker. I'm going to smash his nuts with a slege hammer. I'll put it on Pay-Per-View. I need a good corprate sponser. Speak English. Ever hear the one about the 3 midgets walking down the street? Who is this Sean Early guy? Death to Chocolate. Thus ends my day. Fuck 'em and feed 'em fishheads. (I miss ya, Doc!) 1:45 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment Monday, February 26, 2007 Yuck and Poo Current mood: quixotic Back by popual demand..... New information on the job front. I've now gone to days. This is a good thing.bad thing situation here. First, the bad: I'm now up at 3am instead of 3pm. I'm in bed at 9pm instead of 7 am. Do the math. There are more people who give a shit about nothing durring the day, than in the night. Ya know the kind I'm talking about. Everybody has them. The supervisior is a bit more "Demanding" and such. The good thing: I get to ride to work with my besterestness friend in the whole wide monkey. He knows who he is. No more slaps to the chest and rubberband the size of bungee cords toward my person. If it had been Iraq, somebody would have been killed. The weird, yet hilarious druggies are better than the annoying, insane druggies. To sum this thread up, I'm working days now so that I can: See the kids! Ride with Doozer! Save money! Sleep next to Megan instead of bymyself! Listen to the sound of bowlingballs clang into the cold, crisp breeze of a monkey's sweatpant! Where's that damn invisible midget? I conqured BK's Quad Stacker, and I got the crap to prove it. Cherry flavored anacid. I like the soft-core porn on Cinemax. Praise the Blog-God. Glory be to him, and thy shall snuff it. 12:23 AM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment Thursday, January 04, 2007 Another Blog Bites The Dust...... Current mood: aggravated I've come here to blog and chew bubble gum. I'm all out of bubble gum. Surgon General warning: Oral sex causes anal leakage. Ok whatever. How do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway? Time to take the Christmas Tree down. Where's my chainsaw? I'm just throwing shit to the wall and seeing what sticks. My butt itches. Would somebody buy me some stuff off the Dollar menu? I don't care where. I'm not picky. If I was a Thomas the Tank Engine, I'd run over Sir Toppum Hatt. I'm getting yelled at for throwing shit at the wall. It's hard to type in the dark. Pepsi should put MDX in 2 lieter bottles. I love porn. 4:45 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment Tuesday, December 12, 2006 I was Blogging before Blogging was cool. Current mood: numb Just a quickie. The smell of Christmas is in the air....no, wait, that's just Gansevoort. I got to give a nice shout out to my assbag in law for trying to be a blogger like me. FIVE GOLD RINGGGGGSSSSSSSSS.......... If a Baker's dozen is 13, would a Politician's dozen be 11? Will somebody get me Final Fantasy XII for Christmas? We've got the cool shoeshine. Still no takers for that date with the Dooz. Wow, the Dooz. Better than the Fonz. If there was a fight between guys whose nicknames end in Z, Dooz would win. My son farts better than I do. It's a sad day. Peace Out. 11:48 AM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment Wednesday, December 06, 2006 A Blogwork Orange Current mood: restless This is going to be a good one....... I had a dream last night I broke the anorexic Olsen twin in half. Meg didn't find it funny. My son is the coolest thing under 3 feet tall. The talking smilies at the top of the page scare me. Or turn me on. Whatever. Dora The Explorer drinks Corona. I want to meet Lee Emery. Swingers are funny. Have we finally found a chick for the coolest guy this side of the universe? I would have never seen it coming. Stay tuned for more. RAW the day after Christmas!! REDGUY!!!!!! I'm B-B-Q flavor!! Peace in the Middle East, Rain in Spain!!! 7:32 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment Tuesday, November 28, 2006 It's blog, blog blog!!!!!!!! Current mood: sore No introduction needed. Anybody got an extra PS2 RC/A cable or an extra g4 graphics card? Call it late birthday/early Christmas. Happy birthday to my North Carolina drinking buddy, Nine Inch Nails soulmate, and all around "Sugar Puss" (haha), Rob "I'm not in the Silver Bullet Band" Seiger. I want a Wii. Wanted: Nice, single girl from my nice, best friend. Apply within. Two words.... Pit party!! Dooz? Don't tell Tom, but I want to host a naked myspace party. Who's coming with me? Mmmmm...waffles..... zzzzzz........vote.....in the rain.......rain voteing...........vote.......rain.........rain........in the vote....... Is that a marching band in your pants, or were you just happy to read my blog? 10:03 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment Wednesday, November 22, 2006 Rocky Horror Blog Show. Current mood: groggy Before I get started on my randomness, I wanna give my boy Jermey "The Redguy" Matrazzo a happy birthday shout out. So, without further adieu, the shout out.....AHHHHHHH!!!! Thank you. Let's go bowling for Meatloaf. He needs the money. There has been an Elvis sighting. He's going to replace Donald Rumsfield. I work with a white Sammy Davis Jr. I wish Gieco would stop picking on that poor caveman. Imaigine if the caveman picks that annoying ass Birtish lizard up and eats him. That's Superbowl commerical funny. I've never met a boob I didn't like. How does my ass look in this blog? If a musician works with Carlos Santana, is it the end of the line or have they just sold their soul to the rock and roll devil? There was this guy in Carolina who's nickname in the bar was "Rhino Dick". Lucky bastard. Peace, Love and Cavemen Eating Lizards........ 1:43 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment Tuesday, November 21, 2006 Ahhhhhahahahahaha Current mood: weird Not smoking is fucking weird. I don't know if I wanna saw somebody in half with a wodden spoon or laugh my ass off at wall. I mean, dude, I was no where near balanced before, but now, with nicotine, I feel like a fucking timebomb. I love it. Now, time for the randomness!!! Somebody blow Bush so we can impeach him. Mountain Dew is my friend. Country music today is souless. Bring back public hangings. I really like porn. I still wanna be a Ninja Turtle. Has anybody seen my stapler? Birthday party for me and Matrazzo this Sunday!!! Where's Rob? Doozer is an Atheist God. Later losers. 12:16 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

THE PLAN!! Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says 'I love New York ' in Arabic. You gotta love Robin Williams.... Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message. Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with his logic!) 'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.' 1) The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past and present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good ole boys'. We will never 'interfere' again. 2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the Philippines . They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence. 3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them. 4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers. 5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home, baby. 6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while. 7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.) 8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything. 9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens. 10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us, 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan? 'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' ' If you agree with the above forward it to friends...If not, and I would be amazed, DELETE it!!.

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Pennsyltucky, Mississippi, Virginia, West Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists: 1. The season opened today 2. There is no limit 3. They taste just like chicken 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq and Afghanistan to be over by Friday.....