Tuesday, May 08, 2007
me just ramblig on
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Life
HELLO EVERYONE! AS MANY OF YOU KNOW MY NAME IS CANDIDA DAWN LAMBERT. MOST PEOPLE STILL CALL ME BY THE CHILDHOOD NAME CANDYI WAS BORN ON DECEMBER 18TH,1980.SO THAT MAKES ME 26...BUT MY PSYCHIC FRIEND BELIEVES MY REAL AGE IS 38....IMAGINE THAT. THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY AT THE AGE OF 16 I WAS LIVING AS A 28 YR. OLD WOULD! MY WHOLE LIFE AS OF NOW HAS NEVER BEEN TO KIND....LIFE WAS DEFINATELY NOT HANDED TO ME ON A BRONZED PLATE LET ALONE A GOLD ONE WITH DIAMONDS...LOL BUT THAT WAS PROBABLY A GOOD THING FOR MY FAMILY-GOD FORBID THEY ACT LIKE A FAMILY MADE OUT OF GOLD AND DIAMONDS,YA KNOW! MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY WHEN I WAS 17 YRS. OLD DUE TO THE FACT THAT OBVIOUSLY SHE COULDN'T HANDLE WHAT WAS HANDED TO HER ON HER OWN PLATE OF SHIT CALLED LIFE! WHICH TO ME CONSISTED OF ME AND MY LITTLE SISTER AND BROTHER!(FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO COULDN'T FIGURE OUT THAT LITTLE RIDDLE, MY MOTHER COMMITED SUICIDE) WHEN THAT HAPPENED I JUST KINDA FELL APART. I GOT OUT OF THE MENTAL INSTITUTION AND HAD NO CLUE WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO GO IN LIFE...NO GUIDANCE AT ALL! WHY DIDN'T THE FAMILY THAT CLAIMED TO LOVE ME ALL OF MY LIFE(THAT INCLUDES EVERYONE FROM MY MOM'S SIDE TO MY DAD'S SIDE TO MY STEP-DAD'S SIDE) TAKE ME IN LIKE THEY DID MY SISTER AND BROTHER?( DON'T GET ME WRONG I DEFINATELY DO NOT BLAME MY SISTER AND BROTHER I AM GLAD SOMEONE TOOK THEM IN AND TRIED TO SHOW THEM A DIFFERANT WAY OF LIFE) WHAT WAS I TOO GROWN AND THEY JUST FIGURED FUCK IT LET HER TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.......WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO SO WRONG? OH I KNOW WAS IT BECAUSE WHEN I WAS IN THE FIFTH GRADE MY MOTHER WOULD HAVE ME PRETEND THAT I WAS GOING TO SCHOOL BY HAVING ME WALK MY SISTER AND BROTHER AND THEN COMING HOME TO SIT WITH HER IN CASE HER HUSBAND DECIDED TO FUCK HER UP SO I COULD RUN NEXT DOOR TO GET HELP?!? WAS IT BECAUSE I STARTED SMOKING POT TO EASE THE PAIN OF EVERYDAY LIFE WHEN I WAS 16 OR WAS IT BECAUSE AT THE SAME TIME I QUIT SCHOOL AND GOT A JOB JUST SO SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO BUST HER ASS ANYMORE THEN WHAT SHE ALREADY WAS TO SUPPORT MY ADDICTIONS....OR WAS IT BECAUSE I GREW UP AND DIDN'T EXPECT THEM TO HELP ME I NEVER WENT TO THEM FOR MONEY OR FOR A PLACE TO LIVE OR SOMETHING TO EAT WHEN I WAS ON THE STREETS LIVING MINUTE FOR MINUTE HAVING TO STEAL PERSONAL HYGEINE PRODUCTS AND FOOD FROM STORES JUST TO SURVIVE.....HOW EMBARRASSING FOR THEM TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE ME IN THEIR "PERFECT" FAMILY, RIGHT!!!!?!!!!?!!!!OR WAS IT BECAUSE THE "FAMILY" KNEW BUT DIDN'T WANT TO MAN UP AND ADMIT THAT THEY KNEW ALL OF THE BULLSHIT THAT WAS ON MY PLATE OF SHIT AND JUST FIGURED" OH CANDY CAN HANDLE IT SHE IS STRONG SHE CAN DO IT SHE DOESN'T NEED ANYONE........THAT'S WHERE THEY WAS FUCKING WRONG! I DID NEED SOMEONE....ALL I NEEDED WAS JUST ONE PERSON TO SHOW ME A CLEAR PATH IN LIFE....TO SHOW ME THE RIGHT WAY TO LIVE INSTEAD OF HOW I THOUGHT I HAD TO LIVE....IF JUST ONE PERSON OUT THE HUNDRED OR SO PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TIME I PROBABLY COULD HAVE AMOUNTED TO SOMETHING INSTEAD OF THIS WASTE OF BREATHLESS LIFE I HAVE BECOME.....JUST A LITTLE SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE WOULD HAVE HELPED ME SO MUCH......I COULD HAVE MAYBE FINISHED SCHOOL AND MAYBE EVEN HAVE WENT TO COLLEGE AND AMOUNTED TO SOMETHING THAT THEY(MY FAMILY) COULD HAVE BEEN PROUD OF INSTEAD OF BEING SO DAMN ASHAMED OF ME...BUT IF THEY ONLY KNEW HOW GREAT OF A FEMALE I REALLY DID TURN OUT TO BE THE POTENTIAL I HAVE TO MAKE A LIFE FOR MYSELF...BUT THEY WILL NEVER KNOW THAT BECAUSE THEY DON'T TAKE THE TIME. THEY TAKE ONE LOOK AT ME AND JUDGE ME.....WHY JUDGE ME? YOU DIDN'T HELP MAKE ME I MADE ME.....HOPEFULLY ONE DAY THEY REALIZE WHAT A SPECIAL AND UNIQUE YOUNG LADY THAT I REALLY AM BUT I AM THINKING THAT BY THE TIME THEY SEE IT, IT WILL BE TOO LATE FOR THEM TO ENJOY IT!!!!!!! - TO THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE READING THIS....THIS REALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU BUT YOU CAN DEFINATELY COMMENT .....
FOREVER AND A DAY,
CANDIDA DAWN LAMBERT
