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To grow up is to understand the difference between lust and love. To comprehend the fact that just because you may love something with your whole heart that things change, people change, and happy endings aren't always a guarantee. To grow up is to accept that life is full of surprises and shocks and to learn to roll with things as they come. To grow up is to know that if you fight against life, life itself WILL always fight back. The people you love the most will hurt you the worst and the people you don't expect it from will surprise you a time or two. To grow up is to lose a part of the whimsical mystery that life once held and to embrace the more practical aspects of day to day life. To successfully grow up, a person realizes they can grow up to be a practical adult, yet still stare at the stars and dream of touching them one day.
This time of year...crazy. Yeah I know everyone says it but it's beyond true. We all have so much on our minds some tend to forget the things that really truly matter. Those that give it all for us in many different ways. The reason for the holiday, which is so very different and vast across the religious spectrum. We forget to smile, we forget to give and to give thanks. We often times forget that it's not about what everyone can do for us but more so what we can do for others. This year has been a good year. Many things have changed. I've met some truly amazing people who've taught me more about myself then I could've ever known. People that have opened my eyes to who I really am and the friendship and love and understanding that I am truly capable of. I've helped people that needed it, put smiles on a lot of faces so far...one little fiery red head in particular, who reminds me so very much of myself at that age. Free spirited, open minded, and a love and devotion that could go on forever. I wouldn't trade my family and friends for anything in this world or beyond it. I'm grateful to the people that have hurt me along the way as well, for you have made me stronger and reminded me that I can still feel, opening up so very many opportunities...on so very many emotional levels. Thank you. And please, if you do one thing this Holiday Season...Smile at a stranger, it won't cost you a thing, and may very well make someones entire day better...
What color your name is, what you rate me (if you rate me). I don't care about your nsfw's. I don't care if you crush me, like me, rate me or add me. I don't care about any of the nonsense on here, I look past that...I look to the person I'm talking to. I'm here for the friends I've already made and the ones I hope to make...I don't have the ambition for the popularity contest. I'm too old for high school and the bs it put forth. There are certain people that keep me grounded here through the madness. Just thought I'd throw this out there...
Not going to write another poem
about your jackass self
not going to get all emo
and week with self doubt
just gonna write a bit
about some funny things
the amusements of a tired mind
the passings of everything
my son does the strangest things
as any child does
"shaves" naked with a plastic razor
or starts the nuke on fire
the smile that he brings to me
can never be reduced
the love of my child
my shining light
can never extinguished
my boss is a different kind
of fun and madness too
who breaks into a door with a cake knife
and then laughs along with you
my friends they all rock my world
as any will claim to do
but mine really take the prize
for putting up with me
nothing else in life would ever be the same
without these people here by me
loving on the way things are
even while filled with fear
my families kind of...
crazy...
with one exception still
my mother loves me deeply
through all my faults and ill will
standing beside me through all my ups and downs
never forcing my mind
or changing life's hand
i know to some these things are so mundane
living life is just that
never as it seems
so even if for one simple evening
i am happy to just be me
give up all the trying
and just let life be
1. The most unexpected things can be some of the best opportunities, even if fear holds you back for awhile you know eventually you will give it at least a shot.
2. I am not superwoman...no matter how many times I try to prove otherwise, no matter how much I try to take care of everyone and everything and keep everything just so, I can't.
3. Just because I say I'm ok, I'm not. In fact if I say I'm ok, It probably means I'm in so much pain inside my mind I can't form other words to explain how I feel.
4. I can not please everyone.
5. I can not alwayz make myself happy, sometimes I have to accept others putting a smile on my face.
6. The world won't crumble if I take 5 minutes for myself (thanks for reminding me of that Feed and yes I do feel MUCH BETTER!)
7. Sleep is not the enemy, sleep is my friend....
8. No matter how much I work, the work will never be done and the gratification of putting 200% of yourself into your job is never worth the guilt of not seeing your child.
9. I have a super adorable kid. (well I def knew that but he rocks a mohawk like none other!!!)
10. No matter what anyone else says I love me. I can make sure of that...
11. Physical pain no matter where it comes from (in my case piercings, tattoos and exhaustion induced fatigue among a few others that do not indicate I self inflict them, in case someone reads this wrong lol) does not make the emotional and mental hurt any less painful for long. It may make you forget how much you wished you were weak and could just stop and cry and say fuck it all for a bit, but it won't make it go away forever.
12. I've also learned that I need to learn how to be weak. I need to let others help me. I need to relax with a good book by the fire every now and then.
13. I am the best person I can be. Meaning...no one can live my life better then I have and I can not live it any differently for I would not be the same woman I am today if I wasn't the girl I was yesterday...
...miss you when I close my eyes...and then I open them and I realize my aim is improving at a wonderful pace...LOL. ok I had to. I guess right now I am looking for the humor within myself. This coming week is going to CRAZY! Epic crazy...I look forward to the madness, It keeps me busy, It keeps my mind working and enjoying life. I am going to be making another one of my "little road trips" which means 1600 miles in something like 20 hours, would be 16 hours but I must be a dutiful person and spend time. On the bright side I'm bringing my son home. I miss him when he's gone and I'm never myself. I alwayz find myself turning into a workaholic when he's not here for me to come home to. I'm also entirely too self focused. So I turn into a bitchy workaholic psychopath lol.
There's a lot of shit on my mind lately. There has been for awhile. A lot of it is political crabbiness which I will not even get into here. None of you know that side of me and I am pretty damned well sure you wanna keep it that way.
I am also having issues with fu. Well not fu per se but with the whole concept of things...Maybe it's me finally deciding socialization is not on my top list of priorities...*note to self...rewrite said list and fast*. I love this place though. I have met some absolutely beyond amazing people here. I have also met some people that I would like to invent a time machine for,do the world a favor, go back in time and tell their parents that oral is the best option...Same as real life, Oh wow. Most of those people are now blocked from my friends list for various reasons but most of which lead back to comments such as can be found in an earlier blog of mine titled something to the effect of epic douchebag. I do however wish we had a block button for real life...Would make it easier...Not that I'm looking for an easy way out but damn...some people can't take a hint...such as...NO I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN YOU ASININE SELF SERVING MINDLESS SOCIETY FOLLOWING TWIT!!!!!
I know I'm rambling and I know how y'all hate that so I will cut this short and probably delete it tomorrow after I get some sleep and realize.....oh snap you just typed for four whole minutes about pretty much nothing...
...
Physical distance does in fact make the heart grow fonder; emotional distance makes it grow cold.
It is not hard to drive more then one sleeps.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you think they shouldn't doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have.
Sometimes said love just isn't enough.
It's harder to forget then to forgive...It's not the animosity that bothers a person...It's the fear of it happening again.
I love my Texas friends, but y'all can NOT drive in ND.
An Xbox360 is still viable and running after 14 hours of continuous play...but the people put aside after those 14 hours are not viable and running.
The people that you love the most are the people in your life that will hurt you the worst, these are the people that will test your strength and your devotion.
And finally...after so long of the same thing, that strength and devotion runs out and one is left FINALLY realizing that that person as well as themselves are far better off in the long run not having to fight for every moment, every glance and every spoken word...
