Lee's blog: "It's My Life"

It's not everyday that I get woke up by the police calling me. They had a paper that needed to be delivered but they couldn't find where I lived at. So when he finally found the house, I was served with a summons to court. I am being sued for $11,000 plus interest and court fees for wreaking a rental car back in September. First of all, if I had that much money then I wouldn't have needed to rent a car in the first place. And another thing, I have absolutely no way of paying them that. I own no property that they can take from me, no car, no house, nothing! Think they can squeze blood out of a turnip? We shall find out.

Just wanted to say that I was sorry for not getting back to all the poeple that have sent me messages and comments. I must have accidently marked cherrytap as spam because I haven't recieved any notifications here lately. Anyway, hope that everyone is doing well. I am doing great. I know that some people have been worried about me or think that I have been hiding. That's not the case though :)

I loved it in California. Then I come back to Misery and I am so fucking bored. I'm probably driving my boyfriend crazy. I can't sit still and I'm eating everything in site. Not sure if I could handle seeing the ocean everyday anyway. There was just so much to do out there and nothing here. Why did I come back?!?

I'm so excited that I can't sleeep!!! I just found out that the company that I work for is changing the way we make money...more like how much we make...MORE MONEY!!! I can easily make a couple of thousand each month when this goes into effect! I'm so excited but it's 2 am and I have no one to share it with because EVERYONE is in bed!!!

If you read my last blog, then you know how messed up my family can be...but that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. I recieved a call from my brother the other night and he went off on me for the situation with my daughter and boys. My mother gave him the impression that I don't want anything to do with my children. I sent my daughter to live with her so that she could go to school. My brother didn't know any of this, and neither did my sister....I got an earfull from her a few days later. After I explained everything to my sister, she came to the realization that my mother has been lying and will always be out to screw me when she sees a good oppurtunity. I honestly thought that she had changed (my mother). Otherwise, I would've never sent Angel to live with her. Why does she feel the need to lie to me, to hurt me, to make me feel like nothing I do ever matters? She is seriously messed up in the head. The only explaination that I can come up with is that she does it to make herself feel better. Her life hasn't turned out the way she hope and now she is trying to ruin mine. When I was in high school I thought that it was just the normal teenage frustration that almost everyone goes through. You are suppost to test their boundries when you are younger. just as they are suppost to test you. But it was so much more than that, more than just butting heads and trying to gain independence. Now she is lying to the rest of my family and trying to hurt me even more. I guess that it wasn't good enough that she fucked me up mentally and emotionally. Now she is trying to ruin my relationships with the rest of my family. Not just my brother and sister but also my father (he and my mother are divorced, wonder why) and my grandmother. How far will she go? How many others will she try to turn against me? I am at the point where I don't want anything to do with those family members anymore. If they are going to believe all those awafull things about me and critsize me, why would I want them in my life? Anyway, my stress levels are through the roof. I'm trying to distract myself as much as possible. Sometimes it works...then I find myself thinking about everything late at night. It really sucks. I'm sorry that I haven't been on here as much lately. I just have a lot on my plate and I'm trying to deal with it all.

I just got back about a week ago from my so called Christmas vacation...the only good thing about it was I got to spend time with my daughter. My bus never showed up to take me STL. We sat there until almost two am then decided to drive there ourselves...think I have bad luck when it comes to traveling!!! The first day that I was there, my mother told me that I messed up my daughter for the rest of her life and that she no longer wants to be with me or have anything to do with me. The second day, my mother tried to get me to sign her legal guardianship of Angel. If I would've done that, i would have no rights to her at all. Then, I would have to go to court to try to get my rights back and my mother could make that really hard for me by not signing them to me. I also got into another car accident while I was there...this time I wasn't driving...so I can't be blamed for that one!!! :P I hope that everyone else had a better Christmas than I did. Hopefully without all the drama. The good thing is that the bus did drop me off in the right place...I made sure to ask and make sure that the bus was going to stop there and i wasn't going to be forgotten again!!!!

I've been around very little the last couple of days. Thinking about going to college but I know that the GI Bill won't kick in til I've been going for a couple of months. I have to find some way to pay for some of it other than out of pocket. So I have been writing essays for scholarships. I have been looking at some of these scholarships for several months and some of them are due at the end of this month. I can be a procrastinator!! A couple of them are only for $500 but there is one for $5,000 that I am really hoping to get!! And here is some advanced warning: I'm going to visit my mother and daughter. I'm leaving in a couple of days and won't be back for a couple of weeks. Chances are there won't be a computer in sight. So Merry Christmas and I will be back before the New Year!!! xoxo

There is only one thing that I want for Christmas this year. I hold it so dear in my heart that I dare not let anyone know what it is. Somehow you coersed me into telling you, breaking my heart into a million peices, thinking that it was impossible to grant. Then, out of nowhere and without much thought, you forfilled that wish. Never doing so before, I cried uncontrollably. As the tears of joy streaked down my face, staining my skin, I found it hard to tell you how much I love you, even a simple thank you couldn't escape. For how can simple words compare to what you have given me? You are the hope when there is dispair, the candle that lights the way in my dark and dreary world. And yet, you don't even seam to realize it, what happiness you have brought to me. My words are not elequent enough to touch the surface. I can only say I love you, hoping you know how sincere I am, hoping you know how much I truely need you in my life. As above, so below, the two are entangled and complete each other. My words can only say so much, and yet, the song is meaningless without my words.
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You fit in with: Humanism Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations. 0% scientific. 60% reason-oriented.

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