It’s a Guy Thing (Or is it the Perils of Having a Penis?)

 

I am in one of my “Andy Rooney” type of moods here and I thought I would share with you some of my thoughts and perhaps maybe even give you a good chuckle at the same time even if it may be at my expense, I have no problem with that, through the years not only do I poke fun at other people and things, I have also learned to be able to poke fun at myself as well.

 

I have been sitting here thinking about what to put up for my next blog on Yahoo 360 and I got to thinking about a phone conversation that I had with a lady friend of mine in another part of the country about a week or so ago along with some other conversations that I have had with a few other women as well about a host of different issues.

 

We got to talking about different things and in my humorous way I had given each of these dear ladies a man’s point of view (namely mine because the last time that I checked all the male equipment was still there so I would hazard a guess and say that I am still a man) about a few things and at the same time validating some of their thoughts, feelings and concerns as well such as;

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• “I am sure that there are times when women (generally the heterosexual ones) think where men are concerned that if it was not for the fact we have something between our legs and that we can open jars and move furniture there would be a bounty on our asses”
  
• “I am also sure that there are many women out there who think that us men are only interested in one thing and that is getting into their pants…”
  
• “While that is a normal desire on the part of most men, speaking for myself I desire more than just giving ‘Mr. Happy’ a workout”

 

Well anyhow as a man I must state unequivocally that in many ways we are also at a very distinct disadvantage and totally defenseless in some areas;

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1. 
   
2. Women can generally seduce us men a hell of a lot easier than us men can seduce women, which is just the way it is and needless to stay we are stuck with it.
   
   • 
     
   • Think about this: The little boy who says to the little girl as he is pointing to his privates and says “I have one of these, what have you got?” to which the little girl replies as she points to her privates “With one of these I can get as many of those as I want” Talk about a comeback to something that can stop us cold.
     
   • If we try to seduce a woman and if she is not interested, we may very well get our faces slapped or worse.
     
   • If a woman tries to seduce us we generally have one of two options;

o        If we are interested, we tend to let “the little head” do our thinking for us, to coin a phrase “A stiff prick has no conscience”

o        If we are not interested, not only is giving the woman a slap (something that I do not approve of anyhow) out of the question, it is unacceptable, it also against the law and will more than likely land you in jail. Secondly if we refuse a woman’s advances, we may possibly get ridiculed about our masculinity.

2.       Women can fire off some very good comebacks, this is my favorite;

o        Man: “If I ever saw you naked I would die a happy man”

o        Woman “If I ever saw you naked I would die laughing”

3.       Women if need be can turn on “the waterworks” to get us to do their bidding. If we do it we are being wimps or manipulative.

4.       On the bedroom front;

o        We cannot fake physical arousal, it is either erect or it is not. There is no grey area on this matter. There are times when we may only get semi-rigid and this is just as frustrating for us as it is for the woman, especially when it is a kind of woman that “we are just dying to throw her our best hump”

o        It is also kind of hard to hide arousal as well when we have that moment when we are so damn hard we could crack walnuts with the damn thing.

o        We cannot fake an orgasm; “the proof is in the pudding” so to speak. Not only that when we are in the midst of getting a nut we turn in to Goofy as our bodies are telling our minds “Who cares if I look stupid?”

o        When we have an orgasm, we can only have them one at a time, we are NOT multi-orgasmic. We need to recover for a while if we want to go at it again

5.       Outside of the bedroom;

o        We have all had those moments when the damn thing takes on a life all its own and it comes alive at the worst possible moment, I know those are the times when I wish I could just take it off and put it away until I need to use it.

o        Or you feel the urge for no obvious reason and it is just driving you nuts

 

Let’s face it, we are easily victims of our own masculinity, the good old testosterone kicks in and takes over and our dicks start doing our thinking for us and we get led around by our dicks and the women know this and use it to their advantage (they are no fools). Hell they might even grab hold of it and then they definitely have our attention and they have us under their control whether we are aware of it or not, whether we are willing to admit it or not..

 

You wake up in the morning and you find that your little buddy has been awake for five minutes before you and the woman that you share your bed with looks at it and asks “What are you thinking of honey?”, Hell we don’t have a damn clue, we just woke up, luckily a quick piss usually takes care of that and things are back to normal. Too bad that is the only time some of us can experience a “blue steel” hard on.

 

Age plays a role in our overall physical functions and “Mr. Happy” is not exempt from the conditions of age.

1. 
   
2. Coming out of puberty and into young adult hood we hit our sexual peak in our late teens to early twenties, a stiff breeze and our dicks are hard, it doesn’t take much at this age. Even when our asses are dragging we can get it up in a heartbeat and many times we can do it frequently too. The downside is that we usually get off a whole lot quicker, at this age we usually are lacking in “dick control”, we are generally so damn excited that many times we can’t actually believe that we just scored ourselves such a fine piece of ass. At this age there are many of us who are humbled to learn that we are nothing more than “One Pump Chumps” no sooner do get it in and then it’s all over.
   
3. Mid twenties to mid forties, we have matured, while we are past our initial peak, much of our libido is still intact and with experience we generally tend to have more control and staying power and can last longer. Sometimes it takes a little more stimulation to get us ready but we generally don’t mind that if the foreplay is awesome.
   
4. Mid forties on up, our libido starts decreasing more and more as the years pass us by and it takes more work to get us ready to perform though there have been some exceptions. Normally at this juncture in life while we still enjoy getting our “dicks wet”, it is not an obsession with us like when we were younger..

 

Let us not also forget the various dysfunctions that we all may have suffered at one time;

1. 
   
2. E.D. which is short for Erectile Dysfunction, a politically correct description for impotence or as it is also commonly referred to as “can’t get it up” Sometimes it is just temporary and in some cases it is a long term or permanent condition. There are many causes for this, stress, health, age, medication etc… Luckily nowadays there are various medications on the market that can address this issue in some cases. This is probably the biggest fear of most men as we feel as if our very identity as a man is at risk.
   
3. Premature Ejaculation also known as being a “One Pump Chump”
   
4. Ejaculatory Inhibition or the inability to “get off” these are all frightening things for a man and it strikes at the very core of our manhood

 

Now on the subject of “Girl Watching”

 

Let’s face it.  Any human being that has been born with a penis and testicles and has functioning eyesight is going to look at any human that was born with a vagina and breasts. It is all part of our natural human instinct. It really comes into play if the female in question has some source of attraction that catches the attention of the male species.

 

Let me share a personal example:

Back this past Christmas while I was living in North Carolina, I was at a lady friend’s home for Christmas dinner, and mind you that her and I share a strictly platonic relationship even though we kid each other quite a bit, anyhow she was crouching down to get something out of one the cabinets under the sink and I just happen to catch a glance of her thong panties that she was wearing that day. As much as I was trying to be a gentleman and NOT look, she no sooner busted me when she says “Now Neal don’t be looking at my thong” needless to say I glanced again and I am sure I was turning beet red as well given that I was busted. But let’s face it, telling me not to look is like telling me not to breath or to stop my heart from beating, even worse, imagine this, set a plate of very fresh chocolate chip cookies if front of a small child and then tell that child not to eat any of them and then you walk away. Ask yourself this, what is that child going to do?  Anyhow, if we are looking it is because what we see is a pleasant sight to see, we are admiring beauty for what it is, so ladies next time, do not take offense we are just admiring what you have been blessed with. Also ladies, I know that you are also guilty of looking too so what makes you any better than us?

 

Anyhow, I think I have rambled enough for right now and I will put this out there for all of you to see and to give me your feedback.

 

There will be more to come on this and other topics so keep my blog bookmarked for your viewing pleasure.

 

Remember too that what I post here is intended to be light-hearted, humorous, insightful and at times thought provoking.

 

Let the comments begin!!!!