I'm sitting here and it's 0300 i should really be asleep but i'm not, at least not yet.
I keep wondering to myself what could be next... What is this life going to throw at me next. If it isn't one thing it's another...
A fight with my family one day? I confusing conversation with my ex the next. A disagreement with my mate who cant seem to decide from day to day what is going to happen.
Friends and allies , Ex's and Enemies ... My life seems so full of drama and i have not even gotten to go home yet.
How often will things like this happen once i do go home? I often find myself just wanting a normal life without the Drama...
I talked to Hiene today..He's an officer here with one of the other units he is suppost to be asigned to my detachment as a replacement we share the same rank all though permotions are coming up... Hopefully my name is on that list, It would be nice to go home a cheif warrent insted of just a warrent...
Anyways... Hiene is 3 years older then me and i've achieved the same rank as him and he asked me how such a thing was possible. I just kind of smiled and replied lucky i guess.
Is it luck? I know how deep the string run in my family as far as the military goes, i certinly hope i have made it this far on my own acomplishments and not on generousity towards me because of my family and who they are.
Hiene then asked me if i wanted to really fight all i could reply with was a No..Not really.
He looked at me oddly and pulled his wallet from his breast pocket and said really me too i guess we have things in common.
He then asked me who really wanted to fight and i replied the same , No one really he then asked why be a soldier if you dont want to fight.
I stood there for a moment and pondered the question and finally after about 5 minutes i replied i did not join the service to fight i joined it protect fighting is just an unfortunet part of protecting.
He looked at me with an odd smile and said , well put i dont think i could of said it better myself... But we are in the military and that means being prepaired to fight even if you dont want to. It is our Duty as Soldiers, to which i agreed.
He put his hand on my shoulder and told me he did not know many out there that had the brain to think and know better insted of being the senceless drone he's seen in the past.
He then asked me what i thought of this war and where it was going.... I looked at him and answered with the following.
I believe that finding a way to resolve problems without fighting is important but sometimes there is a need to fight , when there is an enemy we must as we owe that to the people out there who are living normal peaceful lives.
But...To kill because of killing and killing because someone was killed...Is this the way we bring about peace?
He looked at me alittle dumb founded and replied that he did not know. I then said often those who cry out for power because of pain fight to reach that power and then once they do they use the power in the wrong way. Suddenly the one who has the power is now the one making others cry.
How many tears must there be before the ocean swells i asked. He just looked at me and looked down at his wallet and showed me a picture of his family that is back in Seattle.
And then asked me, was i one of those who cried out for that power in my moment of sarrow. All i could do was reply yes. He looked at me and said then do you not make others cry by using that power in the end? All i could do is take a deep breath and answer ..Well i guess yes.
He put his wallet away and said, as long as you know the power you have and the responcabilities that such power brings then i am a fine officer..
And if i dont then i am just another idiot in a uniform with a gun and a motive for revenge. Now i am sitting here pondering it all.
But i guess i should go to bed it's 0330 hours.
Night all.
