So i guess this is another night that i get to sit here pretty much alone and i have nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. I'm working my ass off to get just the simplist things done around here and i often wonder why it is for all my hard work nothing seems to actually get better. I'm lost within the mix of things and i dont know where i am anymore.
The 7th is my very last day as a soldier for the rest of my life as i have no intentions of returning to any military service. I do not do that for the simple dislike of the military the army has done nothing but treated me well and for all that the army has shown and tought me i will forever remain in the debt of many who have shown me how good it can be.
However in all honesty the military has inflicted more then its fair share of damage in my life too including the loss of friends in combat who often i miss and more then often wish i could of traded my life for any one of theirs. I seem doomed to actually be happy because anyone i like either doesnt like me or has some reason to not like me and anyone who likes me is well... not exactly my taste or simply too far away.
Am i doomed to repeat my mistakes? am i doomed to such an exsistance ??? questions and no answers , Nothing stops the pain and only more pain continues to flow threw my body.
I want only what most men want from life, a wonderful loving wife , and children of my own. But more seem to be into looks and or into money or even at times both. A difficult thing to fight against when really you have neither.
Well i best pack up my gear. Goodnight to you all.
