MORE EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO HER. I FOUND MYSELF CONSTANTLY LOOKING AT HER WHEN SHE WAS NOT LOOKING, WHEN SHE HAPPENED TO LOOK WHILE I WAS GAZING AT HER BEAUTY SHE MADE MY HEART STOP. I THEN WOULD QUICKLY TURN AWAY AND SWEAT WOULD CONSTANTLY POOR DOWN MY FACE AND UNDERARMS. SPEED STICK 24 HR. ACTION COULD NOT STOP MY PERSPIRATION.
BACK IN THE SUMMER OF 2002, I REALIZED SHE LEFT HER JOB OR WENT ON VACATION. LUCKILY, SHE WAS JUST ON VACATION. THAT TWO WEEKS WHILE SHE WAS GONE ON VACATION, I FOUND MYSELF NOT REALLY MOTIVATED IN DOING MY JOB, I ALSO FOUND MYSELF EXTREMELY UNHAPPY. SO ONE DAY, I CAME IN AND THANK GOD SHE WAS SITTING AT HER DESK. I MADE IT A POINT NOT TO GO OVER AND SPEAK BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO GIVE HER THE IMPRESSION THAT I WAS ECSTATIC THAT SHE WAS BACK. I THOUGHT SHE WOULD PICK UP SOMKE VIBES THAT I ACTUALLY LIKED HER.
I WAS ABLE TO AVOID HER UNTIL I WAS ON MY WAY OUT THE DOOR. I HEARD, "MARCUS, "MARCUS" IN A SOFT BEAUTIFUL VOICE. IT WAS HER SITTING AT HER DESK, I KNEW SHE WAS THERE BUT LIKE I SAID EARLIER I DI DNOT WANT TO GIVE HER THAT IMPRESSION. BUT BACK TO THE SITUATION, I COULD NOT HELP BUT TO LOOK BACK. SHE TOLD ME, "YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN GONE FOR TWO WEEKS." I REPLIED, "YES' IN A SOFT, COWARDLY TONE. SHE TOLD ME HAVE I MISSED HER. I DID NOT REPLY TO THAT QUESTION SPECIFICALLY. I SAID, "YOU SCARED ME I THOUGHT YOU WERE FIRED OR QUIT OR SOMETHING LIE THAT." SHE REPLIED, "NO I JUST WAS ON VACATION." SHE TOLD ME I SHOULD SPEAK TO HER SOMETHING LIKE THAT." SHE REPLIED, "NO, I JUST WAS ON VACATION." SHE THEN TOLD ME I SHOULD SPEAK MORE OFTEN INSTEAD OF HER INTIATING THE CONVERSATIONS. I REPLIED, "YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS." SHE MADE A LOOK LIKE WHAT WAS I ABOUT TO SAY NEXT. SHE THEN SAID, WHY DO I MAKE U NERVOUS." I REPLIED, "I DONT KNOW." KNOWING GOOD AND WELL SHE MADE ME NERVOUS BECAUSE SHE IS EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL AND OF COURSE INTELLIGENT WOMAN. SO INSTEAD OF ANSWERING HER ?, I MADE A LAME EXCUSE OF Y I HAD TO LEAVE. I WAS KICKING MYSELF BECAUSE THERE WAS THE GOLDEN OPPURTUNITY TO TELL HER REALLY HOW I FELT ABOUT HER.
FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS SHE DID NOT SPEAK TO ME. I WAS PICKING MY BRAIN ON WHAT I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY SAID TO UPSET HER. COULD IT HAVE BEEN BECAUSE I SAID, "U MAKE ME NERVOUS." OR BECAUSE I DI DNOT INTIATE THE CONVERSATION WITH HER LIKE SHE TOLD ME I SHOULD DO. 2 WEEKS EXACTLY TO OUR LAST CONVERSATION SHE SAID, "MARCUS!' OUT OF THE BLUE WHICH SHOCKED ME. I PAUSED A FEW SECONDS AND SAID, " I THOUGHT U WERE MAD AT ME." SHE REPLIED, "WHY BECAUSE U HAVE NOT SAID A PEEP TO ME." I CHUCKLED, AND SAID, "THAT S WHY U R MAD AT ME." SHE REPLIED, I COULD NEVER BE MAD AT U." SHE AGAIN TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD INITIATE A CONVERSATION WITH HER. i THEN REPLIED, "I DO NOT WANT U MAD AT ME ANYMORE AND THAT I WILL START SPEAKING."
SO THE FOLLOWING DAY I MADE THAT MY FIRST PRIORITY TO GO AND SPEAK TO HER. SO WHEN I SAW HER I HESITATED BUT I EVENTUALLY WORKED UP THE NERVE TO SAY HELLO. WHEN I SAID, "HELLO!" I REALIZED SHE HAD A BIG GRIN ON HER FACE AND SHE WAS BLUSHING. SHE REPLIED, " I THINK THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME U HAVE EVER HAD SPOKEN TO ME SINCE I HAVE BEEN WORKING HERE. SO I MADE THAT A DAILY HABIT. WHEN I FORGOT SHE WOULD SAY, "EXCUSE YOU" AND I WOULD THEN REMEMBER TO SPEAK TO HER.
UNTIL ONE DAY SOMETHING TOLD ME TO LOOK AT HER LEFT HAND. I GLANCED AT HER HAND I SAW A RING WITH A LITTLE GREEN STONE IN THE MIDDLE OF HER RING FINGER. MY HEART DROPPED ARE BETTER YET LIKE FREDDY KRUEGER RIPPED OUT MY HEART FROM MY CHEST. THOUGHT OF HER BEING MARRIED RACED THROUGH MY HEAD. SO I WENT INTO SLIGHT DEPRESSION. SO I SPARINGLY TALKED TO HER. SHE WOULD CALL MY NAME IN THAT SWEET VOICE, "MARCUS, MARCUS" I WOULD KNOWINGLY IGNORE HER.
ONE SPECIFIC DAY AFTER SHE CALLED ME OVER TO HER DESK TO COME OVER I DECIDED TO TALK 4 A BRIEF MOMENT. SHE TOLD ME DO I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER, I SAID, "YES!" I THEN SAID, "DO U REMEMBER BACK IN THE SUMMER OF 2002 YOU DID NOT SPEAK 2 ME FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS" SHE REPLIED, "NO!" I SAID, " I REMEMBER SO THATS WHY I AM NOT TALKING TO U ANYMOREKNOWING THAT WAS NOT THE REAL REASON WHY I DECIDE TO CAVE UP. SHE SAID, "WELL I AM NOT GOING TO QUIT TALKING TO YOU." A FE WEEKS LATER SHE TOLD ME TO COME OVER TO HER DESK. LOOKING BACK I STUPIDLY MADE THE MISTAKE AFTER SHE TOLD "CAN U PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE MY EXISTENCE. I REPLIED, CAN U PRETEND LIKE I DONT EXIST. SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY MAD AT THIS POINT OF THE CONVERSATION. SHE SAID, " I WILL DO THAT" AND THEN SAID, "GOODBYE!" SHE NEVER TLD ME THAT SHE ALWAYS SAID "SEE YA" OR "HAVE A NICE DAY" SO I KNEW SHE MEANT IT. FROM THIS EXPERINCE I LEARNED THAT PEOPLE WHO U CARE ABOUT THEY MAY HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS DO NOT PUSH THEM AWAY AND GO INTO A CAVE YOURSELF BECAUSE THEY HAVE FEELINGS TOO EVEN THOUGH U MAY BE HURTING.
