Well....I think I'm officially screwed up. Just when I think I know where my life is going and I take a leap it comes back and shows itself that it maybe wasn't the right thing. I mean, hell....when you want to be with someone and you think they want to be with you, then what is the problem. There SHOULDN'T be one. Two people come together, they see if it can work--usually both of them know after a few short days if it will be a go or not. I feel like an idiot when I jump into things that I think are so right and how could they not be, because it seemed all the puzzle pieces were fitting together. Well....I'll say right now, that my puzzle pieces are scattered all over the state of Texas and I'm going to have to either get them together soon or just throw the whole damn thing away.
I do know officially remember why I try to keep myself so guarded--just so that I don't get hurt. I've walked the line with a man that I was truly in love with, gave him two beautiful children and still told him to tear his ass--there was the door. And since that time, seems like I've been doing that alot. I mean FUCK, how hard can it possibly be to find a man that loves me--doesn't just say it, but shows it too. One that wants to wake up to me by his side, one that wants to go to bed with me by his side. One that when I'm watching a movie, wants me to put my head on his chest, just so he can play with my hair and have me close. That isn't too much to ask, but funny, I guess I can't find it. And yes, I'm a good person. I go outta my way to make sure my friends/family have whatever they need.
So I guess for right now, there isn't much that I can do about anything. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Someone has to make them and then figure out what and where I'm going to do from here. I know that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but right now, gesh, I feel like superwoman with everything that is going on. I'm ready for life to slow down!
