Tonight I went to a Company Christmas party with a man I had shared a part of my life with for the past 7 months... I had a great time... I so looked forward to this night so I could spend some time with Daren...
Often over the past 7 months I had questioned where I stood, as far as relationship status with this Daren, and for 7 months received a lot of mixed signals... and the end result was "were dating"...
I often tried to find out exactly what "Dating" meant... did it mean we date others while dating each other or did it mean we were dating to see if a relationship was possible... I never got a clear answer...
Well despite how well the evening went, and how comfortable I am when I am around Daren-- I wasn't prepared for what happened... While I am very grateful I was told in person, and not via email or instant messenger... the hurt was none the less painful....
I heard those words... "I met someone else and I won't be seeing you any more"... I felt the tears welling up behind my eyes-- but I didn't cry in front of Daren... I know I shouldn't of been emotional over it at all-- after all-- we were only "Dating".... regardless... the pain I am feeling is real... and I realize again that I invested more emotionally into a this relationship and I shouldn't of....
I am not mad at Daren... how can I be.... He said all along we were just dating.. and I know my weight was part of the reasons... I am thankful to Daren for many things... Daren had brought some fun into my life.... riding the motorcycles, going out looking for Deer after it rained, the Vacation he allowed me to be a part of... he even offered to come help cut the limbs in my yard last weekend but couldn't because of the snow...
Part of me feels as if I should be yelling, screaming, making him feel the pain I am feeling right now... but I can't do that... I care for him... and I don't want to hurt him despite the hurt I feel...
I will be okay... this I Know... I have bounced back from worse thing then this... the timing of the news was all wrong tonight-- it's my dad's birthday, and I had gotten word earlier today that my oldest daughter's grandfather (my ex-father-in-law) is very ill and they called the family today to come say their good-byes.. not to mention this is just days before Christmas... and right now I am sitting here alone and hurting and just needed to vent...
Daren, if you read this... I do wish you luck and I hope you and the kids have a Merry Christmas-- let me know how they liked the gifts I got them and I hope you enjoy your gift also.... Thanks again for taking me to the Christmas Party... I did enjoy that part of the evening...
