Aroraa's blog: "hi there"

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital, and she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse." After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone, "Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday." The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter? The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit."

When I had been married for 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But, I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde." "Now, we have a nice house, nice car, a big king-sized bed and a plasma TV. But, I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde and she would make absolutely sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your problems in a hurry.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I w! ill walk again, but I will always have a limp. Moral to this story : Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.

this is an update of my last blog. my bf has apoligized to me and he admitted he was a jerk and he even got me flowers. we have sat down and talked things out and are fine.

I have been in a with my boyfriend for almost 3 years in september. I moved in with him almost 2 years ago. He was gonna kick me out a few months ago cuz I wasnt making that much money to pay for half the rent and bills. He wanted me to prove that I can take care of myself. I took care of myself b4 I met him so I didnt need to prove to him I can take care of myself. In order for me to stay I had to pay the rent and electric and phone bills myself for 2 months to show that I can do it. I did that and he didnt have me move out and I contiued to pay him my half of bills. Then I went into the hospital and had been out of work for 2 weeks and when i did go back to work I could only work 4 hours a day and had to work a month almost b4 I got a check and it wasnt that much and I asked him what he wanted me to do I could give him my check or I could get groceries he said groceries. Well today he said he was irritated cuz money was tight and he was irritated with me some cuz I havnt payed him anything. He said I havnt 3 times which I know that is crap since to my knowledge I have paid him. Now he is trying to tell me what to do with my money. I dont say anything about what he does with his money. We are not married yet so he can do what he wants with his money as long as bills are paid and the same goes for me. In away if feel like a roomate with benifits. What are your opinions?

One day a little boy was getting ready for school when he got his thingy stuck in his zipper. He ran downstairs to his mother. "Mommy mommy I got my thingy stuck in my zipper and I cant get it out!" His mother tried to free him but couldn't so she painted it green and told him it can be his little green marstian. So the little boy when to school. When the kids were at recess a little girl came up to him and asked him what it was. "Its my little green martian." "Can I play with it?" said the little girl Awhile later the bell rang and it was time to go in and when he looked down he noticed his green martian was gone. He went to find the little girl. "Where is my green martian?" he asked "Well it spit on me so i bit it off"

I just wanted to say srry to all my friends on cherrytap. I have not been on that much cuz I have been working alot and I also have been in the hospital for a few days I had an ovarian cyst rupture and was in ICU for awhile. It was very painful. I just came home today and still alittle sore. Anyway just wanted to say srry to all my friends and let them know that I have not forgot about u.

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an >> inspector to audit the >> books of a synagogue. While he was checking the >> books he turned to the Rabbi >> and said: >> >> "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do >> with the candle >> drippings?" >> >> "Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up >> and send them back to the >> candle makers, and every now and then they send us a >> free box of candles." >> >> "Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed >> that his unusual question >> had a practical answer. But on he went, in his >> obnoxious way: >> >> "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you >> do with the crumbs?" >> >> "Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realizing that the >> inspector w as trying to >> trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect >> them and send them back >> to the manufacturers, and every now and then they >> send a free box of holy >> biscuits." >> >> "I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about >> how he could fluster the >> know-it-all Rabbi. >> >> "Well, Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all >> the leftover foreskins >> from the circumcisions you perform?" >> >> "Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. >> "What we do is save up all >> the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and >> about once a year they send us a complete dick."

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub... She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. Ineed for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."