Death is my Desire's blog: "Hello"

Death is my Desire. I have longed for death for it seems eternity. Is there nothing to live for? My children keep me alive. But yet I feel like I am drowning in the endless pit of life. Darkness consumes my every pore. Could it be that life is nothing but a mere dream? Could my life be someone else's nightmare? I am living in a nightmare of my own life. My blood no longer flows to be living. My heart no longer beats for love. My eyes no longer see the point to life. What is real and what is beyond the realm of life? My soul seeks for the ultimate adventure - Death. This body is but a prison, a cell that binds me to this world. I long to set my soul free, but yet I cannot. Is it fear that holds me back? No, perhaps it is the want to see my children grow. Or maybe it is my heart longing for something else. How long must I endure the pain of this life? How long can I withstand the binds that hold me on this plane of exsistance? Is there nothing more to life? Is there nothing that I can look forward to? I feel as if I were trapped on a sinking ship. My instincts tell me to survive, but my lungs no longer hold air. My husband, my love, my soulmate is all I ever wanted in a man. He is the dream that became reality. I love him with every part of my being, but I no longer feel if that is enough. He deserves so much better. I am not sure if love is enough to hold us together anymore. He thinks that I am falling out of love with him. That is not true...the truth is that I am falling out of love with myself. How can I love him if I cannot love myself? In this pit of nothingness I see only darkness. My heart no longer beats with life, but with the hope of death. My prison is my own being. I want to be set free of my internal prison. Oh Death, come to me on swift wings and set my soul free of this darkness. As they say Death is only the beginning.

It has been awhile since I have done any blogging. I have just not really given it much thought to do so. I just decided to write a little bit to let everyone know what I have been up to lately. I was working there for a few months at the local Town Pump. I really liked my job too. But I quit when someone who I once called friend started making trouble for me. She started spreading rumors around that I was fucking the boss just to get hours. Although I liked my boss, it just wasn't true. Then she started other viscious rumors, so I just decided to leave. Other than that, I have been taking care of my family at home. I love being able to spend time with my kids and husband. Being home also gives me the time to really work on my oils and herbs that I need for rituals, spellwork, and purification cerimonies. I have been reading many books as of late on the Wicca way of life and trying hard to apply it to my own life. So far it is working quite nicely. I take a lot of pride in my beliefs and I finally feel like I belong somewhere in this world. I have also been busy with getting our Paranormal group some investigations. We have one coming up on the 21st at the Old Montana State Territorial Prison. We are revisiting that place and hope to get some substantial evidence of Paranormal Activity. I am also trying to get us an investigation at the Dumas Brothel in Butte, and my husband is trying to get us some local investigations. Hopefully, we will be able to get these investigations underway. Halloween is getting closer, and I have been doing a great amount of thinking on that matter. I really want to have a great Halloween this year. I want to have a haunted house, great costumes, excellent food and treats, and I want my kids to enjoy themselves. My hubby loves the holiday so I am wanting it to be basically one big horror fest for him. But not just a horror fest, I want it to be magical. I want my Samhain to be full of spirits and magic. Other than my ritual, I am not sure how I am going to produce the results I want. Anyway, that is about all I have to say right now. Until next we meet....

Hello there all. I am new to Cherry Tap. I am used to MySpace so this is kinda different for me. If there is anything you would like to know or need to know about me, all you have to do is ask. Like for starters, I am a loving wife to a wonderful man and mother to 2 beautiful boys. I just turned 30 and let me tell ya, it dosen't feel any different than 21. I am a Karaoke DJ and part owner of Mama's Karaoke in Anaconda, Montana. So...guess what I live in Anaconda, Montana. Also, I am co-founder of the Montana Paranormal Research & Investigations Society. We have recently done an investigation at the Old Montana State Territorial Prison. It was a fun experience and quite exciting. For more on that please visit our site at www.myspace.com/jjmpris. Other than that, if you want to know more about me, like I said, just ask.