goofycaca's blog: "Goofycaca"

It looks like I've had another dating meltdown. I've been talking with somebody for about a month and a half now. We met online and we have not actually met in person. This was one of those cases when I really wanted to take things slow and see how they went. And they were going great. She's intelligent, college educated, successful, sports oriented and funny as hell. Really, what's not to like? When I say taking it slow, not only have we not met, we have not even exchanged photos. No a/s/l, no sex talk, no pictures of body parts. I don't even know if she has those parts. She could be a hermaphrodite. Or a eunuch. Regardless, I don't know. I thought we really clicked. Similar interests, great conversations (and long ones), desire to get to know eachother before taking the next step. Then a week and a half ago she hopped on a plane to visit one of her best friends for her Bridal Shower or bachelorette party or something like that. And that is the last time that we've talked. She hasn't responded to a text message, voicemail or email. Now this is not the first time this has happened. Once in college it occurred. At the time I didn't put too much stock in it. First of all she told me she might. It was just something that she did for no rhyme or reason. Not to mention I was 12 years older than she was. So when she stopped talking to me at least I knew why. Then there was another lady. Recently divorced, 5 year old son, going to school. A lot of fun, about 6' tall and a waist like Barbee's. Eventually she made it clear that she didn't have to time to pursue a relationship and we've shared maybe 5 text messages since then. Another woman, recently, also quite a bit younger than me. Spent hours on the phone, stopped by her work (by invitation) a couple of times. Then nothing. More recently still. Talking with another lady, not much younger than me. We texted eachother so frequently that I actually had to recharge my phone. Twice! I have a prepaid phone and my bill is about $70 a month and text messages cost 0.15 each. That's a lot of texting. We eventually made plans for dinner and a movie one weekend. Her mom showed up and they went out shopping. The whole time she was texting me about how bored she was and how she was looking forward to dinner with me. I got a text saying that she was close to being done and she'd call me as soon as she was. And that was the last that I ever heard from her. Then just today I was talking to Heather. Pouring out my heart to a friend and she says she has to check her laundry and plug in her phone and she'd call me back. That was the last that I heard from her. So my question is... Why the fuck are women so fucking weird?

I'm shitfaced and not afraid to admit it. And I'm not just drunk. I'm so drunk that my feet are tingling. So drunk that my lips are numb. I stopped at Whataburger for breakfast. For those of you that don't have Whataburger, you're worthless! Living without Whataburger is worse than living without Jack in the Box. And living without Wienerschnitzel is actually worse than living without Whataburger. I'm so drunk that while drinking out of the milk carton (fuck you, I'm single) I almost fell over when the room started spinning. Now, I'm going to bed while Augen licks the remaining cheese out of his fur that fell while I was eating my breakfast burrito.

How about that Economic Stimulus package! Everybody looking forward to that free $600? You should, you'll be paying it back next year. Yep, that's right. You're not getting money from the government. You're getting money from yourself. The stimulus is actually a tax rebate. Your tax rebate. What we usually call, at this time of the year, a tax refund. This stimulus package is an advance on next years tax refund. So you'll be spending next years refund, leaving you with that much less next year. Now if you think about it, what stimulates the economy will depress it next year. Afterall, you've got an extra $600 this year, and you'll have $600 less next year. Still seem like a good idea? Another fun note that others have brought up. Most people polled will not be using the money to stimulate the economy. They're going to use it to pay off the debt that they incurred while the economy was tanking. Explain that one. They've already spent the money and it did nothing to help, how is paying that money to pay off credit cards going to help? So now you can pay down your credit cards and then run them back up to help the economy. But it didn't help the first time, I'm not going to hold my breath this time. Need I bring up my feelings on politicians and their answers to important issues?

I have made a change in my life. Not a huge change, although it seems like it some times. I have decided to lose some weight and get into better shape. This is not really a new years resolution. It's more of a job security thing. But not technically. The fact is that I want to look better for work. I really like my job. And I really want to keep my job for a long time. Which is a change from many of the jobs that I have worked in the past. Most of them I have either had for a while even though I didn't really like it, or I really hated the job and didn't keep it for very long. With some gray areas thrown in here and there. My latest jobs I have been able to relax and wear the kinds of clothes that I am most comfortable in. Jeans and t-shirts and worn out sneakers. More than adequate if you're going to spill some acid on them and have to shed them quickly under a safety shower. Why spend a lot of money on clothes that may very well be disposable? As a secretary and later an office manager, I had to deal directly with clients. Naturally protraying a respectable exterior while swearing like a sailor when they're out of earshot. I know that a lot of you simply cannot picture me in a tie and pressed pants, politely answering phones and directing clients. Well fuck you guys! I was actually very good at the job and I enjoyed it a great deal. But it wasn't really a career. It was a good job that I enjoyed but just to pay the bills until I graduated from college. Now I have a job that requires direct contact with clients and I enjoy it a great deal. I still wear a nice shirt and pressed pants but I don't have to wear a tie and I'm still not allowed to swear in front of them. For a long time I have been less than happy with my appearance. Some of it I can change and some of it I cannot. The issue has always been motivation. I can lose weight of I am motivated to. This face, however, I am simply stuck with. When I say that I'm not motivated most people simply think that it is because working out is actually too much work. You know, getting home and changing clothes, then driving to the gym, then driving home and taking a shower. Especially if it's a long drive to the gym or it was an especially trying date at work. That is not, unfortunately, the case with me. I am simply lazy. I actually own a home gym. And I have owned it for over a year and a half. And it's already assembled. In my living room. Just how fucking lazy do you have to be to have a gym right their as soon as you walk through the door and you still don't use it. FOR A YEAR AND A HALF! I bought it for a couple of reasons; I have wanted one for some time. It was dirt cheap. It would make it much harder for me not to work out. And I really needed to get into better shape. I have pretty much wanted a home gym for some untold length of time. Pretty much since I first saw a Bowflex commercial. Actually I wanted two things, the bowflex and the blonde. Hoping that getting one would lead to getting the other. When I say that it was dirt cheap, I am not exaggerating. The original price was $210. Now compared to a Bowflex that is dirt cheap. A bowflex costing about 5 times as much. In this case, it was only $21. Yeah, Twenty One Dollars. That's it! Less than the monthly dues to a gym. It was the last one in the warehouse, they slapped a sticker on it, and I was the first person to see it. So I bought it, took it home, assembled it and started hanging clothes on it. Certainly having a home gym assembled and sitting in the middle of your living room should make it harder to avoid working out, right? Right? Not when you're as lazy as I am! I've told you before just how great a procrastinator I am. I am only slightly less skillful at being lazy. No mean feat. As for needing to get in better shape, well, I'm fat and my momma dresses me funny. That's not really true, technically I'm obese. I have not yet graduated to morbidly obese, medically speaking I am merely obese. But my momma does dress me funny. Not only am I obese, I recognize that I am. I'm not happy with my weight. Unlike Fat Bastard, though, I don't eat because I'm unhappy and I'm not unhappy because I eat. I eat because I like food and I'm unhappy because I don't get laid. I know that I'm fat, I know that I don't eat right, I know that health problems run on both sides of my family and I know that I don't exercise enough. I'm lazy, not stupid. I understand that I am at the top of the list of every heartattack danger indicator there is. Hey, my life insurance is paid up, I don't care. I am actually worth more dead than I am alive. So here I am, unhappy with my health, now working a job that I really enjoy and plan on having for years to come, and I represent this company directly to clients. NOW I have something to motivate me. I like this company and I want to represent it to the best of my ability. That means being able to tuck my shirt in. Buckle my belt. And see whether my shoes have come untied. Without a mirror. So now I want to be in better shape, maybe not great shape or even really good shape. I'll start with better shape. I'll even start changing my diet. Don't flip the fuck out, we're not talking drastically. Well, it is drastic in some cases. Because of the travel, crap food and fast food are simply a given. Super sizing it and ordering sodas is not. I am doing my best to quite sodas altogether. Not easy! I've had 2 or 3 in the past 2 or 3 weeks. Not bad considering that I am much more likely to drink 2 or 3 in an hour. When I do resort to fast food I don't upsize my order. And I have been avoiding fast food altogether on the way home from work. I have food in my apartment, it's time that I started eating it. This is where my mom will really flip out. I have even started buying 2% milk. Yeah, no shit! For those that know me, I drink milk more than I drink sodas. Milk is essential to my life. And that is not an exaggeration. On a hot day I can drink a gallon of milk in a couple of hours. I never really need to worry about expiration dates, it won't be around long enough. Eventually, maybe, hopefully, I'll switch to skim milk, but I'm not holding my breath right now. I'm not wasting away just yet, but it's a start. I'm even using my home gym. I really do need to rearrange my living room though, I keep bumping into the table and other objects. None of which I noticed a year and a half ago when I set it up and never used it. So basically I want to represent my company better by becoming the better person that I want to be.

I'm on my way home and I decided to play a little poker. Which isn't really true, I had planned on playing poker even before leaving for the trip, but that's beside the point. I arrived just in time to see somebody win the bad beat jackpot. Pocket 4's versus pocket kings. Flop comes out 4, 4, crap. Since it's limit the betting maxes out and the pocket kings stay in. Turn comes a king and the betting maxes out again. River is a king and the betting maxes out one last time. All in all there's about $112 in the pot. The jackpot paid out $12,500 to the pocket 4's. $6250 to the kings and everybody else at the table got $1250. Except for the two guys that got up and went to the bathroom. So I signed up for the $2/$5 no limit and sat at the $3/$6/$12 limit game until they had a seat. Won some, lost some and finished at the limit table down $12. Since I only had $88 when they moved me to the $2/$5 must move table I bought another $100 in chips. I played maybe two hands before moving to a regular table. Here the playing really got good. I sat down with $188 and in less than an hour had rolled that up into $440. That's when I took a break to call a couple of friends and let them know of what they were missing out on. A few hands later I am dealt Snowmen. Pocket 8's. I wanted to narrow down the table and make them easier to protect so I lead off in an early position with a $25 bet. 5 callers! So much for protecting my hand. The flop comes out; 3, Q, 8. I flopped a set and now I'm in serious control of this hand. And then the big blind bets $75. At this point I put him on two pair and I agonize about my decision. While the other players are thinking, "he's agonizing because he wants to call but he knows he should fold." In reality what I am really agonizing over is, "do I just call or do I push right now?" With 4 players to act behind me I just call. And so do two others. Now I've got $100 invested in this pot and it's sitting at $452. The turn comes out with some low middle card not likely to help anybody that called $75. Big blind leads off with a $100 bet. This time I don't agonize as much but I still put on a little show. I call and the two behind me fold. Now it's heads up and there's $650 in the pot. The river is another crappy card that was unlikely to help anybody. No flushes, no straights and nothing higher than the Q on the flop. Again the big blind leads out with a $100 bet. I pull the chips out and look at my stack. This leaves me with only about $140 left if I call. So I push, $240 and i'm all in. Big blind calls. I wait for him to show his cards but since he called me I am obligated to show my cards first. When I show my set of 8's he mucks his hand. After the rake and at $25 tip I still finished with nearly $1100 for that one hand. I went to dinner, went through the blinds a couple more times and cashed out for $1130 to end the night. Then I find out my tire went flat while I was playing so I got to change my tire in the cold ass rain. And I was grinning the whole time.

I was really planning on going out tonight and trying to get me a little noonie cookie. Unfortunately I'm not really feeling up to it. What I really need to do is make an appointment to see my doctor. Since this is a new job I'm trying to hold tough until my new benefits kick in. I haven't quite beaten whatever it is that I picked up at my last job. Things are not bad, they're just not as good as they should be. Every time that I get around smokers or hang out in a bar I end up with a sinus infection. Which is bad enough, but it's even worse when you let it run it's course and don't get any treatment for it. So there you have it, I really need to get to the doc so he can prescribe some anitbiotics and this time get him to give me enough to actually get rid of it. Needless to say this really puts a damper on trying to get my pickle tickle going. While I have no doubt that I could go out, have a good time and end up in the sack doing the subsonic tummy bump. It would not be the easiest task possible. Let's face it, I'm not exactly working with Brad Pitts looks and Vin Diesels body here. To be honest, I'd have trouble getting girls away from the Predator. He's tall, dark, exotic, foreign and he's got dreds. What the fuck do I have to work with here? I'm short, tubby and bald. That's great if Frosty the Snowman and Danny DeVito are taken I can pick up some of their groupies. Even if I did get a lady, or something else, home I'd still have to worry about little drops of snot falling between her naked, heaving breasts. Now let me ask you southerners, are snot bombs a turn-off? Because I've got the whole mouth-breathing thing going on now and that may actually be in my favor. I'm not going to be adding any family members but I might be able to find some dirty coveralls and a farm animal.

So what! So I don't really have a connection at home again. People all around me have wifi connections and apparently people are figuring out how to password protect them now. Oh well. I'll be getting my internet back sometime. Mostly because I need it for work. Work, by the way, has been great. Got some serious training done last week and more to come next week. For those that do not know, the Cougs won Apple Cup this year! Making Alex Brinks the only Coug QB to lead the team to three consecutive Apple Cup wins. And that's the closest that he'll get to a bowl game. Hopefully he'll declare and get picked up by a team in the 3rd or 4th round. Additionally, LSU lost this weekend. While they still have an outside shot at getting back into the big game, they pretty well deserved this. While they remain undeafeated, New England has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are a beatable team. And Philly proved that you don't even have to be that good a team to do it. Well my dating life has gotten back to normal. Meaning, completely nonexistent. Oh well. Having women interested in me was kinda creepy anyways. I mean, it's me we're talking about here.

It is definately time to trim the pubes. It's like a little forrest down there. Like a little Middle-Earth forrest. A little Middle-Earth forrest with Treebeard poking up out of the middle.

I really should be doing more blogging because I actually have more time on my hands. But I'm not. And I think you may have noticed that. The job is great so far. This is the busy season and all of the service guys, like me, are new, like me, so everybody is running around like maniacs, like me. The training is rough because of all of this. When there's actually time to sit down and train, then things will really progress. On the other front. I've been talking to a couple of ladies. Lisa and Monica. I met Lisa at a far a week ago. A friend called, asked me to meet them. I did. We hung out. We've talked. And that's pretty much it. She's cool and she's also very busy. Monica I met online. She's funny as fuck and not afraid to show it. She's pretty busy also and has some other things going on in her life. So things are going pretty slow. This, of course, is the nature of things. I've been single how fucking long? Then all at once two women gain my interest and even show a little interest in return. WTF? We'll see what happens. I know what I'd like to happen. Whether or not it does is a whole other matter.

should you choose to accpet it. I need music ideas. My new job will require some travel. Some of that travel will be by car. My car. What I want to do is put together a mix CD. Difficulty - Heavy Bass Trance, techno and dance are all welcome. So what do you suggest?