THE DRUNKENMONKEY RLBF AND FM TO SDJ444's blog: "funny shit"

 

Please bid on me Iam on the run and i need  someone to hide me

NEWARK, Ohio – Authorities in Ohio say a man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool. Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower. Twenty-eight-year Kile Wygle was hospitalized for minor injuries. Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph. Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial. I have nothing to say about this just though it was funny as hell lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello all I was looking at concerts this spring and summer and I was trying to start a BARTAB CONCERT /TAILGATING FUND. There are 4 i want to go to so far 2 of witch i really want to go to and 2 i wont be mad if i dont go to. There about 40 to 50 dollars a piece. plus if you all know about me and all i like to PARTY!!! so that mean tailgating before and after the show so i need about 500 bucks. please leave message if you can help. . P.S I take Checks or Money Orders ROCK ON AND I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS!!!!! . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . . .. . . .. . .. . . . . . Just an Idea and was wondering if anyone would help lol. I have a job and i can get the money it was just to see what ppl would say hahahhahaha

(Our hero KC and his organs are on their first date with Zee. They are seated at an uber-fancy restaurant making small talk.) KC (to Zee): Don't you think they should have a course in the philosophy school called "How to be a waiter?" Oh, you minored in Eastern Modern Dance Philosophy? Well, whatever, I studied English, which basically means I'm well-read and completely unemployable. KC (to Zee): And then I told my intern, "Next time you check your horoscope on the job, hopefully it says, ‘Get a new fucking job, Slacker.'" KC (to organs): You see, I can do this on my own. BUTT: I'm itchy and I need to fart. BLADDER: I need to pee. GUT: I'm still hungry. KC: Damn it guys, I'm on a roll here. BUTT: I can just blow it here. KC (to Zee): I'm going to hit the little boys room. (KC enters the bathroom) JUNK: Ahh, finally. (Chants) As hard as diamond, as thick as rock, beware me ladies, I am the... KC: Stop! This is a peeing trip. Butt and Bladder, do your stuff. BUTT: Flllpouf. So relieved. BLADDER: Me too. HANDS: Wash us, um, twice. (KC returns to the table) KC (to Zee): They've got cool bathrooms. BUTT: Just kidding. I really need to fart this time. KC: WTF? We just were in the bathroom. BUTT: That was just a warning shot. JUNK: Hey, why does Butt get to do whatever he wants? KC: Nobody is doing whatever they want, get it? Hey! Hands, why are you scratching Head? HANDS: Feels good. BRAIN: Maybe we have ticks. KC: I can't take you anywhere. GUT: Her food looks better. Hands, grab me some fries. And her pickle. That lemon slice too. MOUTH: Cool. These tastes are fun. (The check comes) KC (to Zee): No, I'll get the check. I'll put it on my Points in Case credit card. BRAIN: Nicely done. Make sure to tip big so Junk might get touched. KC: Shut up, dukebox. Twenty percent of $37.85 is... BRAIN: I'm not helping now. 1977. 20XX. Hey, remember that smelly kid in middle school with the rat-tailed mullet? Fourteen. Tango. Niner. Name the five bounty hunters in Empire Strikes Back. Seven, Twelve, point six thousand. Blah blah blah. KC: You know, Brain, just for that I'm not going to quit smoking pot until I'm 50. GUT: Awesome, I like candy. (Back to KC's extra swanky loft) KC (to Zee): ...Yeah, it's a pretty sweet place. Exposed brick. Enough closet space for some of my comics. Um, pretty decent quality doors. Want to watch a movie? BRAIN: Dude, March of the Penguins is totally a panty-dropper. Do it. KC (to Zee): So I've got this movie about penguins.... JUNK: Fucking A. KC: Brain, what a great idea. She's cuddling with me. Great idea. BRAIN: Do you think penguins fart? EYES: Oh no. The penguin's egg broke! After all that work. I kind of want to cry. KC: Absolutely no crying. Oh shit, she's crying. BRAIN: What a pussy. OLD CLICKY: Wheeze. Some harlot touched me! JUNK: Full steam! I could break bricks with this boner. Hands, push her head down. Stat! KC: Guys, no. You're going to fuck up my program. BUTT: Oh man, really need to fart now. Looks like a big one. KC: Oh fudge no. BLADDER: Totally got to pee. JUNK: Best woody ever. BUTT: Fart sequence about to initiate. KC: Mouth! BUTT: Pllloughpadoosh. MOUTH: Cough cough. KC: Phew. Disaster averted. Hopefully she can't smell. KC (to Zee): Um. Better hit the bathroom again. KC: Now get it all out of your system. Except for you, Junk. JUNK: Peeing with a boner sucks. This is like using the Mona Lisa for rolling papers. BLADDER: Ahhhh.... KC: Okay, Butt, when I flush the toilet, go ahead and fart, but don't start too early or stop late. BUTT: Don't worry guy, I'm a pro. (FLUSH) BUTT: RIIIIPOOOSH! KC: C'mon man. Way too long. NOSE: Whoa. Smells like sweaty camel nuts. BUTT: Hold on, got another one. Probably want to cough or sing or stab her in the eardrum for this one. KC: Fellas, why can't you act like Lungs? He's only forgotten his job a few times in all these years. LUNGS: Say "No" to smoking. (Back to the couch) KC (to Zee): Great documentary, right? You know, I might be related to the narrator, Morgan Freeman. BUTT: Gotta fart, guy. KC: C'mon. (In the bedroom) HANDS: I really like boobs and butts. MOUTH: Boobs rule. BRAIN: Boobs totally rule. BUTT: Gotta rip one last fart. HANDS, MOUTH AND BRAIN: Boobs rock. KC: Junk, this is your time to shine. Power up! JUNK: No. I'm mad at you. KC: Dude, don't be a bitch. Engage. JUNK: Oh, now you want me to work. KC: Seriously, there's a girl involved. Up, up and away! JUNK: It's too much pressure. I like it better when it's just us. KC: Shut up and do it up. JUNK: No. KC: Yes. JUNK: No. KC: Yes. I command you. JUNK: I defy you. (Zee leaves in disgust and disappointment.) KC: I'll never forgive you for this, Junk. JUNK: Yeah you will. KC: I hate it when you're right. END

FAVS (The scene opens in KC's Luxury Pee Slope Apartment. He's giving a pep talk to his organs.) KC: Okay gang, I've got a date with this really hot chick. Can you please, please behave for me tonight? I don't need another, "Um, I forgot your name but can I get a high five and could you pay for my beer?" date night like last time. Dig it? EVERYBODY: Whatever. EYES: Oh, do they have TV there! I love TV! And maybe waitress butts? Those are the best.JUNK: Don't worry, I'm almost getting hard. KC: Seriously, no boners now. JUNK: After all I do for you, now you don't want it? I'll remember this. KC: Look Boner, this is all a ploy to get somebody else to play with you for a change. Hands are getting tired, right? HANDS: Yeah, we're getting hairy. EYES: I'm going blind. (KC exits Apartment and walks to Fancy Restaurant) BRAIN: I wonder how you're going to screw up this time. KC: Shut up, I'm trying to think. BRAIN: Balls. Mega Man II. Farts. Ninjas. Balls. Balls are pretty funny. KC: Okay, I'm not going to think. Just going to do. Right Brain? BRAIN: You butchered that Yoda quote, gaytard. GUT: I'm hungry. KC: Settle down, we're going to a restaurant. EYES: Oh, do they have TV there! I love TV! Maybe shiny lights? Oh, and maybe waitress butts? Those are the best. KC: Look, you're going to pay attention to our date. That's it. Not SportsCenter. Not the sweet-assed bartendress. Not the Christmas lights. BRAIN: Oh, novelty lights in a restaurant. You're so classy. Will you be having the Colt 45 or wine out of a box? MOUTH: Awesome. Let's get shitfaced. KC: No. Behave. Legs, what's your problem? We're going to be late. LEGS: Your bad knee Old Clicky is tired. Plus, we're short. OLD CLICKY: Is Matlock on yet? KC: How did I get stuck with you douchebags? MOUTH: You were first in line for brains. BRAIN: Hehe. Look. Dog poop. I hope somebody steps in it. (KC arrives at Fancy Restaurant and looks around) JUNK: Now is it time? KC: No. We're in public! JUNK: No problem. Going up. KC: I can't wait until you get cancer. Eyes, check out the joint. EYES: I don't see shit. What's she look like? The old lady or the blonde? Look! A poster from the 1930s King Kong. Awesome. KC: I swear, if you dart around I'm going to stare at the sun for 20 minutes tomorrow. (KC's date, Zee, arrives) KC (to Organs): Okay, game time. JUNK: On it. KC: No, you're not. JUNK: What the fuck are you waiting for? The dude washing dishes? If I don't get some action... KC (to date): Hey Zee. How are you doing? This place is cool, right? EARS: WOW! CAN YOU HEAR THOSE CARS! THEY'RE LOUD! OH MAN! THEY'RE PLAYING COLDPLAY INSIDE! EVEN THOUGH I HATE THEM I'M PAYING FULL ATTENTION! KC (to Zee): I'm sorry, I missed all that. I might be going deaf, too much metal, you know. BRAIN: You're about as smooth as an Alabama turd right now. KC: Fine Brain, you think of something to say. MOUTH (to date): You have nice belt loops. KC: Mouth, who the fuck asked you to talk? MOUTH (to Zee): You see Battlestar Galactica last night? It was Cylon-riffic!!! Haha. MOUTH (to KC): I like laughing at my own crappy jokes. KC: That's it dickbrain, coffee and ice water for you. MOUTH: NOO! I can't handle anything too hot or too cold! KC: Sucks for you. KC (to Zee): Wow, they seated us right next to the lobster on the dartboard. You wouldn't believe how hard this table is to reserve.

EXCALIBUR RAWK RADIO PRESENTS DJ BARTAB HE KICKS AZZ!!!!! > DJ BARTAB IS DJ'ING RIGHT NOW IN THE BEST LOUNGE ON FUBAR WE KICK AZZ!!! COME SEE THE BADAZZ RAWKIN OUT!!!!!!! HAVE SOMETHING U WANT TO HEAR ASK HIM HE WILL GET IT FOR U THE BEST HE CAN!!!!! CLICK ON THE BARTAB TO ENTER!!

(repost of original by '?DJ?????¯??CuTiE?@ EXCALIBUR RAWK RADIO' on '2008-10-21 14:33:32')