dean dark's blog: "From the Darkest corners of my Mind..."

Under the pale green light our souls ajoined unto one The outside world faded away as to our noises our bodies did sway skin to skin heartbeat matching heartbeat our eyes were locked deep into one anothers I will never forget that night We became one Under the pale green light. Dean Dark

The Kiss I remember our first touch the softness of your hands in mine i remeber your eyes seeing the love burning deep within I remember the night we spent wrapped in the safeness of our arms You make me feel so alive as I go deep inside I want this feeling to never end I want these dreams forever and forever more. I remember the day that black cloud hovered overhead But with that one kiss you took away all of that negativity With that one kiss you made me come alive again. You made me feel so alive as i went deep inside I know now this feeling will never end Because we are living those dreams forever and forever more. Dean Dark

Saturday, June 16, 2007 Break Free: A lifetime in Rewind Twenty-Nine. Have I really been in this world that long? Twenty-Nine years on this earth and I really have nothing to show for it. NOTHING. No steady income, no stable home, a vehicle that im struggling to pay for. What the hell am I doing....? I know in my heart what I want, if only I could make my mind follow suit and motivate me to achieve my dreams and goals. I dont want just some job such as a fast food worker, grocery store... nothing against the people that have those jobs, its just that I want more and better for myself and future family. As far as my mind goes, I think it got trapped back in my life when I was 16 and 17. I had a major breakdown back then, lost touch with reality and everything for a long time. When I finally returned to my senses, my mind doesnt want to believe that its been this long. It wants to return to those days, when things were fun, and easy to come by, and a job was fun and covered everything you needed, and still had time for friends and things it wanted to do. It didnt want to believe that hey, childhood already fast-forwarded and passed you by.....its time to grow up. And be a man. A man isnt really what I feel like. Im still a child at heart and in my mind....well maybe a young adult.....20/21 is what I feel like... And its just hard to break free. I keep telling myself that one day the pieces will fall together. One day I will find my niche (sp) and know what to do.....but when will that day come? Time marches on and on.....waiting for no one....and im not getting any younger. I finally found something that I believe in and that I am happy doing, and hopefully will make a future out of.....music. Ive had some very good success with the booking and promotions business ive been doing, thanks to the awesome bands and supportive friends and partners that have helped me through everything. Thats what I want to be....a booker/promoter. Every big band out there has someone just like me, to organize and plan for their shows, tours, etc. They have those people doing those jobs so that it gives them the time they need to practice and record and write new stuff. That could be me one day. And thats what Im working toward. If only I could find something stable to hold me over until one or more of the great bands that im working with make it big and hopefully they will continue to let me work with them as I have been doing all this time.................maybe.

So today I have just completed a purchase of TWO TYPE O NEGATIVE tickets..for may 4th at the masquerade here in atlanta. One is for me of course, and the other is for my dear friend shawntel's birthday present.... As far as I know it will be her first major band show, so im hoping/thinking that she will have a great time.... Anyone else is welcome to come join us..it will be a hell of a show in a hell of a place and chances are you may actually get to meet the band.... *fingers crossed* Dean Dark

So this weekend was def. one of the best ones of my life... I finally had the pleasure of hanging out w/ shana...it was awesome..we checked out some graveyards, and hung out the entire weekend!! No details here....no one would want to read em anyway lol but let me just say it was a much appreciated and much needed weekend and shana..thank you for everything! :) Dean Dark

June 16th 2006 That was the day I fell off of a 15 foot high machine while I was working at the landfill. On the way down I landed face first on the corner of a 77 camaro, right on the side of the bumper. I suffered a fractured nose, deviated septum, and a dislocated knee w torn cartalidge etc in it, among some other scrapes and bruises. I ended up finishing the last hour of the day of work, bleeding profusely...I then drive myself home, get a shower and that was it... The following monday I go to work to report the accident and file a report and see about getting medical treatment. They then try to say they arent going to pay for my medical because they say i JUMPED off of the machine. Yea right. I finally see a doctor who proceeds to put me on medical leave and wouldnt let me work. NOW the company says they arent going to pay for my time off even though I was injured on their job. Oh yea? I get a lawyer, and FINALLY after 8 months of bsing around with them, we when our settlement. Next step...A NEWER CAR!! Dont get me wrong, i really grew fond of my 90 cavalier now but I need something newer and with less miles...hell I worked hard for this check dammit! Suffered those above mentioned injuries for it lol Dean Dark

So those close to me know that this last couple of months have literally been hell for me.... But you know what? Im fine now....really...i am... im not hurting anymore, my heart is finally healing, thanks to alisha, michelle, shawntel, and of course Dahlia... You came into my life at just the right time and right place.... in just 2 days of standing and talking to you, youve healed my mind and my heart. Its amazing thats all it took from you...just a few minutes of conversation...thank you so much for that and im looking forward to our future.... Also many thanks to my online friends on here, you guys have all been great......thank you so so much to angela and jon for helping me out with summer...you guys are the greatest!!! And finally, to seal the coffin of all of my pain and sorrow of the last couple of months, i close with a sample of one of the greatest DANZIG songs out there..... =--this goes to all of the sacrifices ive made, all of the blood and tears ive poured out, all of the sleepless nights and countless hours of planning for a future that was never going to be to begin with....and for all of the excuses that i had to hear when i expressed my feelings....sealed and forgotten--- (from DANZIG's "godless") just spread your tentacles of hate around my life i've taken more than you could ever give you can't believe that someone challenges your right i'm gonna send you back your pain i couldn't love it anymore i had to listen to my heart Dean Dark

Know you have a problem Can't you figure it Suddenly your lost alone As your statue splits Now you walk this cruel world Lost among its pain See all you were in my world Never to regain So you misbegotten Love so quickly fades So to be forgotten Turned a grayer shade See all you were in my world See all you were in mine Now you know possession Million souls to steal Every night your death awaits Less and less to feel Danzig See All You Were

You came to me at the end of my rope Nothing cared for nothing meant anything Out of the shadows and into my heart You stood me up you gave me hope Out of the shadows and always on my mind youve proved to me that love can be real. Is it love im feeling right now? I cant be sure because it is so soon But if this is love im feeling right now Its a feeling that I can grow accustomed to. Dean Dark for shana

Ive endured this pain for far too long My confused mind wont leave me alone This is for all the things we once had This is for all the times we shared This is for all the times you could have called This goes out for that one time you actually cared. Moving on now ive made up my mind Dont come running and dont come crying You made me this way theres nothing left to say You turned me cold and almost took me to my grave. This is my final farewell to you and the memories This is my final goodbye to what once was and never to be. You dont call me now so dont call me ever. Forget my name and forget my face Enjoy your life the way it was before before I came and interupted it Moving on now with this final farewell I will enjoy this solitude in hell ---goodbye. Dean Dark