Saturday, June 16, 2007
Break Free: A lifetime in Rewind
Twenty-Nine.
Have I really been in this world that long? Twenty-Nine years
on this earth and I really have nothing to show for it. NOTHING.
No steady income, no stable home, a vehicle that im struggling
to pay for. What the hell am I doing....?
I know in my heart what I want, if only I could make my mind follow
suit and motivate me to achieve my dreams and goals.
I dont want just some job such as a fast food worker, grocery store...
nothing against the people that have those jobs, its just that I want
more and better for myself and future family.
As far as my mind goes, I think it got trapped back in my life when I was
16 and 17. I had a major breakdown back then, lost touch with reality
and everything for a long time. When I finally returned to my senses,
my mind doesnt want to believe that its been this long. It wants to return
to those days, when things were fun, and easy to come by, and a job
was fun and covered everything you needed, and still had time for friends
and things it wanted to do. It didnt want to believe that hey, childhood
already fast-forwarded and passed you by.....its time to grow up.
And be a man. A man isnt really what I feel like. Im still a child at heart
and in my mind....well maybe a young adult.....20/21 is what I feel like...
And its just hard to break free.
I keep telling myself that one day the pieces will fall together. One day
I will find my niche (sp) and know what to do.....but when will that day come? Time marches on and on.....waiting for no one....and im not getting any younger.
I finally found something that I believe in and that I am happy doing,
and hopefully will make a future out of.....music. Ive had some very
good success with the booking and promotions business ive been doing,
thanks to the awesome bands and supportive friends and partners that
have helped me through everything. Thats what I want to be....a booker/promoter. Every big band out there has someone just like me,
to organize and plan for their shows, tours, etc. They have those people
doing those jobs so that it gives them the time they need to practice
and record and write new stuff. That could be me one day. And thats what Im working toward. If only I could find something stable to hold
me over until one or more of the great bands that im working with
make it big and hopefully they will continue to let me work with them
as I have been doing all this time.................maybe.
