I cannot be beaten n "Rock, Paper, Scissor." My grandmother invented sarcasm and the question mark. "Purple Drank" runs through my veins. Nine out of ten ppl don't get me. I can make deaf ppl laugh. I once consumed 40 chicken McNuggets. I think syphilis is the cadillac of STDs. I go out of my way to not date men with butt chins. I think too much. Archie Bunker makes me laugh. I hate Sundays. My idea of a perfect date involves eating pizza and watching Seinfeld. I drink Turkish coffee. I want business cards that say "unemployed" on them. I think ice cream is overrated. I always run yellow lights. I'm always late for everything. I can tie a tie in 10 seconds. I'm unstoppable in thumb wrestling, if you say different, it's on. My grandmother invented the turn signal. When I eat pizza, I eat the whole thing because that's how much they give you. When I make cookies I lick the spoon. I don't always wash my hands after going to the bathroom...that's right! I always return my shopping cart..always. I wear house slippers whenever possible. I shave my arm pits every two days. I dance in front of my mirror naked whenever I feel the need to. I think Starbucks coffee is overrated. I wear my shoes in the house. I don't like taking my shoes off at other peoples houses. I hardly wear perfume, or jewelry. I call the underwear that I wear during my "time of month" my gramrags. If you call my house phone you will almost always get the answering machine whether I'm here or not. I had my first and only yeast infection at 16. One of my nipples is slightly bigger then the other. I don't like talking on the phone. I say "I know right" and "Right on" way too much. Right now, as I type, I have to pee...will I wash my hands after going? The world may never know. Cheesecake is always my dessert of choice. I'm a hopeless romantic, but I'm almost impossible to catch. I always say exactly what I mean. I recently gave up soda, I think I now have a nervous twitch. I think that the people that stress so much about disliking drama, usually are the ones that start it. When I blow my nose, I look at the snot. I quit smoking cigarettes. I think THAT is what's killing me. I can be slightly competitive with those of the male species. To catch my attention you'll usually need something clever, creative, and/or witty. I'm so disorganized, I'm organized.


I'm socially uncomfortable, though you'd never know it because I hide it well.

I'm very perceptive with peoples' tones and body language. Though selfishly sometimes, I ignore what I'm being told by them.

I believe, whole heartedly, that if you happen to get in an argument with a friend, all the nasty things that they spit at you while in anger, is really what they think of you...esp. if they don't apologize for the low blows they threw at you. And while I may make up with them, because I happen to actually care for them, I'll never forget what they truly think of me. I'm a forgiver, but not a for getter.

Very rarely do I interfere with situations involving drama. And even more rarely, will I start it. If I purposefully started it with you, you probably caught me at a bad time, while you were saying something stupid, and I just couldn't resist telling you where the bird shits.

I don't pretend to like anyone, even for the sake of peace. And I'm no where near two faced.

I actually don't mind being lied to, because when I catch you in that lie, and I will, whether I say something to you about it or not, it at least lets me know your not trustworthy. Goodness knows you need to learn that quick with people. It still may hurt when I think I've been lied to by someone I did trust though.


I'm not the same person I was four years ago, or even two, heck even a month ago. I am starting to love the person I am. Some old friends are happy and proud of me, some don't like it so much. Sadly I've left them behind, surprisingly it wasn't that hard. I'm breaking free from my past, either my friends choose to come with or get left behind. And as a good friend of mine told me once (smartest smartass guy I know) there is never a friend w/o an end. You just don't know when the end will come.
I'm forgiving people who I never thought I'd forgive, I'm seeing life in a light I never had before, and it feels great.


I can't stand it when guys profess their undying love for me, within hours or days of meeting. It's just pathetic and while I'll try nicely at first to pry their clingy, lonely, no self worth hands off me, in the end I have to be blunt, and of course I'm then the big bitch who thinks she's too good for them...whichever, I am. I want someone who knows their worth like I know mine.

I'm not a woman who thinks I can fix the broken. If you're going to bring baggage from your past into a relationship with me instead of starting fresh, I gotta go.

If you are crazy jealous and insecure because you've had women cheat on you, and you feel I might do the same, then you don't really know me and aren't trying to. You won't get TLC from me, I'm not going to sit there and prove anything to you. You have to be your own man and get over it. In the mean time I'll be leaving thanx.

If you're extremely unhappy or depressed, my presents into your life isn't going to miraculously make all that go away. Chance is you've got some other issues there buddy. I may help you find the problem, and even give excellent advice about how to change it, but it's gonna be all up to you. And don't expect me to stick around long to wait. My life is valuable, and while I like to try and help others, there's only so much one can do until the final score is yours.

"Women are more complicated when it comes to their affections: They rarely love simply for what is--but for what might be, and more importantly, for how it might affect them. This is why a woman will endure a great deal of abuse in love--as long as she believes there is something to be gained. But when a woman sees that a man can no longer help her, when his actions become detrimental to her lifestyle, she can fall out of love as suddenly and as firmly as an apple falling from a tree. There is no putting the apple back in the tree, just as there is no going back in love."