Vampyric Princess's blog: "First"

Every day I wake up and have to remind myself that I won't find you sleeping next to me. Every day I have to remind myself that your not with me. Every day it kills me, not to say I love you. You were my world, my life, my everything. You made each day special and bright, then I lost you in the night! You will never know how much I miss you. You will never see the pain and the hurt in my eyes. You will never know that every night I wonder what you're doing. You will never know that I can still hear you say the words "I love you, Baby Boo." You will never know that when you left, my world came crashing down. You will never know that I see your blue eyes in my dreams. You will never know how much I miss you. You will never know how I still love you.

Okay, for once I have good news to tell everyone. I got a letter in the mail the other day. It was from my Mom, whom I haven't talked to in almost 4 years. At first, I didn't know what to do with it. After some serious thought though, I decided to call her. I'm really glad that I did. Even though her and I haven't had what you would call any type of real relationship, I always wanted her in my life and now I am getting that chance. I have been on the phone with her for about four and a half hours now and I think that we have made some really great progess toward having a good relationship. I will admit though, that I still have my doubts, but I'm not going to let that come between me and my Mom. I don't want to lose her again.

Hey, it's just me saying that I'm sorry for falling off the face of the planet. I didn't do that intentionally. To my friends, I will be back as soon as I possibly can. Till then if you need to talk just send me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I possibly can.

I should have known that not to trust my thoughts. I should have known that my heart would betray me. I should have known a lot of things and yet I still did what I did. I let someone into a very well guarded part of me, my heart. I know that it wasn't intentional, but my heart was torn into a few different pieces. To you, I'm not mad or upset. I'm confused. I thought that maybe, just maybe, for once I was wrong about something that I was feeling. Now I know that what I have been doing, was just hurting you. For that, I am truly sorry. I hope that in time you can forgive me.

How many times will people that I thought I could trust stab me in the back? I just learned that Mike, Gabriels father, is moving up to the Poconos with Little Man. I'm not talking just an hour away either. He is moving almost two hours away and that is going to make it very difficult for me to see my son. He said that he had wanted to talk to me about it to make sure that I was okay with it. Mike never talked to me about it, and just decided to go. So again, I ask how many people are going to stab me in the back? This will be the seventh person to do this to me. Tami, Dad, Harriet, Kenny, Crystal, Andrew, and Mike! Anyone else want to join the list?

Honestly, it doesnt matter. I just lost what I wanted. C'est la Vie!

Okay, so my birthdays for the last few years have really sucked. It's just how it is and I've come to terms with the fact that they are always going to suck, but this year, no matter what I'm not going to let the stupid shit keep me from enjoying my birthday. I'm finally 21 and I have lots of friends that are going to be doing what they can to enjoy it with me. So, what the hell is going to keep me from having a great day? What more could I ask for?

Is it possible to like more than one person? I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I don't know! If anyone has any thoughts on this, PLEASE let me know!

What do you do when you have a friend that needs help, but there isn't anything you can do about it? I know that I should try my hardest to help them to the best of my ability, but I don't know what I can do! It's nothing that I can really help with. I want to help, but how am I supposed to do that when I have other things that I have to worry about? Getagrrr!