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As many of my friends already know I haven't spoke to my parents & brother in almost 3 yrs. An still to this day it hurts like hell...I do a good job of covering the pain up but, sometimes it gets the best of me....like it did tonight. In my mothers eyes I would be better off dead since thats how she looks at it anyways...I still can't understand how you can hate your child so much. I know me an my brother wasn't perfect growing up an we still aren't. my brother and mom has had arguements for as long as i can remember and she still loves him...he is still up there on a gold throne in her eyes....well i'm the no good trash...thats is satans child....my mother disowned me cause of a arguement between me & my brother ion thanksgiving at her house...this isn't the first time we haven't spoke but, it is the longest its been...My daddy won't even speak to me anymore...my whole life my dad was my everything now i'm nothing to him either....I miss not having a family it hurts when I pass by my parents and see my brother is there and knowing that they are having get togethers and i'm not allowed...I always know whats going on in my family...it just hurts that im the outcast...the blacksheep Tomorrow is a get together for my nieces birthday what i wouldn't give to be included...I wish i could pick up a phone and call my parents just to say HI and see how their doing but I can't...I miss going to their house just sitting on the porch talking or talking them into going out to eat...I sent my mom a birthday card this year trying to be nice...don't know if she even read it...she preaches to people about how everyone needs to get along but she doesn't do the same...I'm her daughter her flesh and blood...I'm the one she gave birth too yet she hates me so much... I miss my dad so much...and I know it's only a matter of time b4 he has heart problems again...i miss everthing even the arguements me and my mom would have...never thought i would say that but at least if we was argueing it still meant she was talking to me...i miss my brother i got to talk to him a few weeks ago for a few minutes it felt good... our whole life we alwas fought and bickered but thats what sibling do we always made up...well here it is almost 3 years and we still haven't made up...i never thought i would miss my brother as much as i do...when i seen him a few weeks ago i barely recognized him he changed so much...people always says life is too short for petty B.S and their right it is...nobody is promise another day...thats why you should never say words you may regret live life to the fullest and let the people you love know it....sometimes I wonder how she would feel if i was dead would she regret anything or just be happy that i was gone...sometimes I feel like i would be better off dead...but, i stop and think about my kids they are my only reason for living anymore...I just wish I had my family back holidays are so lonily when all you ever knew was getting together at the parents house...I spend mine alone by choice...it's not the same anymore
