Icarus's blog: "Just South of Blue."

I can't recommend quitting -everything- before you buy a house.

Long time no rant. My health was deteriorating in April. Some random... systemic failure, it's getting a bit better, and I'm implementing new health interventions. Lead theory was MS for a while.

And I gotta say

When you're in a foot race between
MS
Diabetes
Crazy
Gradual paralysis

You kinda root for crazy.

So I quit smoking
again
I quit drinking
... *whistles*

and I cut down caffeine to less than a cup of coffee a week.

Cut processed foods and sugar (which was already happening)

Started basic yoga.
Tried sleeping a bit more.

Tried to curb my sex addiction.
That lasts about 2 days at the most, at a time.

Had my 2 year review at work, scored nearly perfect. Bonus check should be coming, I reiterated that I'm going for a promotion.

I sometimes have that dream where you're here, everything's beautiful, and nothing hurts.

Chronic pain is actually down with the regular exercise and increase in PT, but at a certain point I'm doing NOTHING but PT and exercise and nothing bad for me.

That can get fairly frustrating

My dog's uterus blew up. She had emergency surgery last Tuesday, and she's doing great. She's damn near 9 1/2.

I still owe $1600 for my MRI and other shit.

Oh, and I finally got the MRI, small bulging disc, chronic pain is to be expected. Forever. Non surgical at least.






So amidst all that

I'm trying to buy a house
sober
working full time
taking care of my dog
ducking violent stalkers.






There's a property I want, it's in range of work, keeps me kinda close to the fam, meets most of my criteria, the floor is FUCKED, there's a ramshackle shed that needs demolished, and it's a small house

but otherwise perfect.

If I can get some additional land, and close this thing in the next 60 days I'll be very happy, but I'm also in the process of blanking the public record, and that's adding about 20 layers to this trifle.

I've peeled through about 6 of those layers, and discarded the false-starters and crazy shit.

We're going to contact a lawyer tomorrow, but we're down to about the last two options

and I'm pretty sure that failing in this venture won't really stop me.

I haven't left the state, burned my car, or changed my name yet

so I guess I'm not as afraid as I thought I was.

Maybe.






People tell me I should just... arm up, face him head on at the OK Corral, but I can't kill a man I once called brother.

Not without killing a big, sad part of myself.


I hope he can't either.




I'll be making an offer soon. This will be about the fifth "just about right" house/property. I don't wanna get this close again, and miss again, but hey, at least we got a lot more done on this one than the last.





The train doesn't stop.
The plan doesn't change.