If you havent read the previous blog, this probably wont make much sense.
The time is here, and still Im embroiled in this swirl of thought about how to approach the holidays. And the more I dwell, the more compulsive I become.
Spontaneity seems to be the theme thats coming into focus. In fact, since last xmas, this year has been highlighted with many episodes of think/do. And I am yet to be unhappy that I did. It has become quite a part of my existence.
This time around however, there is a bit of escapism involved. But Im calling it vicarious tribute. Its my dilemma and I can call it whatever I want. This coupled with the fact that I dont think my father would be very happy with me knowing I spent the entire holidays in a lost, directionless murky cloud of regrieving.
Nevertheless, Ive decided that I will go home for xmas. I will baske in the love that radiates from my grandmother, and enjoy the pampering that only mom can provide. I will have a drink with my brother, and wear my niece like a little koala. I will visit my dads widow and face the echoes of his touch on everything. And finally I will go to his resting place, and say a few words, whilst I long for his response and his ever intriguing outlook of the world.
At that point, I think I will have done and contributed all the good that I can do. Anything past that will simply be an erosion of spirit and well being.
So Im thinking shortly thereafter, I am going to get as far away from this place as I possibly can. A total reset of sorts.
So stay tuned, as I fully believe if I am capable, and I think I am, that between now and the new year you will see me emerge in a drastically different setting.