Oldman's blog: "E=Mcsq"

Well here we are the Olympics, are to be held in the Great UK, what a fiasco, london is falling apart, and they still havent done the stadiums,Most of the Uk dont give a damn if feck loads of foreign peeps come here and run themselfs ragged, mind you the pick pockets will have a grand time, as will the muggers (am sure that they have there own union)... So the watchers, will turn upin London and ... queue to get a seat, queue to get a meal, queue to get anything, its what we over here do best, stand around in queue (usually moanin about queueing), As for me lol sport is for people who have to much time on there hands, I will be sat in back yard with a cold beer, with the kids...Bliss .. Please rate this makes the visit meaningful and productive ....Bless you all and have a great day.

A salesman checked into a futuristic hotel. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes." Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which showed the best haircut of his life. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures, $20.00." "Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign that read, "This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents." The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with great anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit ... which now had a button sewn on the end.

Chief Running Bear had three pregnant wives. Wife number one gave birth to a daughter and Chiefie was so pleased he ran out and built her a brand new wigwam made of the finest buffalo hide. A couple of days later, wife number two gave birth to a son. Chief was ecstatic and built a wigwam made of the finest antelope hide. Not long after, wife number three gave birth and the Chief called the entire tribe together to announce the news. He unveiled wife number three's new wigwam and the entire tribe gasped as they beheld a double story, all mod cons wigwam made of imported hippopotamus hide. "Twins! Your wife 3 had twins!" shouted one brave. Chiefie smiled and asked, "Yep, how did you know?" "Elementary Chief. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus, is equal to the value of the squaws of the other two hides!"