Dust in the wind's blog: "Dreamer"

I need to do this.. if only to prove to myself that im not worthless... to have something to show for myself...i need to keep pushing for it.... I want to be able to show that if i put my mind to it im worth while... I know that i can be good company.. I just dont give myself the chance to anymore Something just has to give...has to change...the oppertuneities******(htf do u spell it) that pass by because i feel like i couldnt measure up and have nothing to bring to the table besides myself and empty pockets.. i think the empty pockets are what get me the most... because if i had money of my own i wouldnt mind doing things with others because i wouldnt feel like they felt i was relying on them for something that involved money dont get me wrong i think that i have much to offer in myself and if nobody likes what i got to give then thats there loss..i jsut feel like i can offer more or it would give me an advantage to have a career and the things i can show for it lol.... ok thats it for now im dont ranting..its 10 am...

i want my life to be stable stable before i start my life...before i choose to start my family..before i decide "hey i want to have kids" i don't want to be one of those single moms struggling to survive day to day..i see that ive seen it alot lately..and its sad...not in the sense that i feel sorry for the person because yes they got themselves in that situtation but for the fact that who they got pregnant with either it didnt work out or the man left...not with that being said this isnt to put anyone down...by all means i have friends that have that life they wanted... but im jsut saying... i see the other end with lots of people and cant help but think that thats not what i want for myself i use to feel really stongly about wanting to do the truck driver thing...i in a sense still do but i hate when people talk it down and say it sounds hard...if by hard you imply the minimum time home and lack of getting to spend time with loved ones...right now i look at my life..and at this moment in time..im not really offering much to any table...im unemployed,i dont have the gas money to go out and do things and spend money...what i do right now is pretty much sit at home clean occasionally,sit on the computer,watch tv and movie and well yea pretty much all it is that im doing..with the occasional adventure of helping out shy and sometimes josh to get to and from work....Now if my friend can help me get back in to universal like he says he can do which would be awsome..i might possibly not feel so useless to everybody... I've already said it before may it be here or on myspace but still my plans and dreams are big...im kinda scared that my choices wont turn out what i want them to be but im willing to take those risks and see how things go ..im still rather young and im still allowed to make mistakes..i dont really think im ready to settle down or give up...what ever happens will happen ~~~~~~~~~~ IN ANOTHER UNRELATED TOPIC i desided to go ahead and go for a ride with my mom on the back of her motorcycle it was awsome and i cant wait to do it again lol... theres my random fact for the day lol p.s if anybody still uses myspace but doesnt have me there and wants to be my friend there ask me fro my url or leave yours lol..

so theres an appointment come this friday at 9:30am... for a truck driving company.. only thing that sucks is its all the way out in bfe sanford and its something that untill im 21 ill have to be doing it with my mom... whcih isnt to back my moms pretty laid back and its only be for a few months but if its what i have to do to get to that place faster hey..ill do it...lol so yea.. i guess jsut wish me luck lol... :) ---- until next time

every person has there dreams...things they want outta life...everybody has there perfect ending or close to it... or at least the way theyant things to be... i feel very strongly about what i look forard to in life..about goals and hopes and blah blah blah.... the point is that as i grow older even at this young age..i find myself very locked in on what id love to happen..even though it probably wont...My dreams are big.. bigger than big there huge... there so big that maybe im seeking to much out of it... things set me off... or ill day dream...about the wants that i have.....but i guess thats not the point....what i determine is that if i make a career out of becomeing a truck driver.. that in a few years or so ill beable to settle down and have a solid place of my own..ill be able to afford alot of the things that i want... be in a place that i would love to be... and in the process of collecting all that i need and want some where along the way find myself the guy that will make me happy for a long time... I'll be 21 in 5 months... this past year has been a roller coaster of events...ive found love..ive lost love..ive had 2 jobs and now unemployeed,i have a car but want something better... the car is pretty much the only thing i have claimed in my name besides what is in my room...if i get out on the road ill be able to save up all my money.. and focus on that part of my life.. makeing something to call my own.... and if i start this early then in 10 years maybe ill have everything i want and the rest will be luxery... but all i know is that ive never felt so certain on makeing something happen..so strong and determind to somehow make it work...and if i can prove that much to myself.. that i can do it and i can be great at it.. thats all i need ...to know...is that i didnt back down from a dream... or from a very strong idea....most the people i talk to i usually talk to online anyways... ive got maybe a close 2 handfuls of friendsthat i hang out with at times but everybodys busy trying to make there own living so me leaving for awhile could be really good.... i could keep on going but ill shut up with the rambleing... for now...