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What are you waiting for?
Why do you hate me father tell me whyy
Do you know you bring those tears to my eyes
Father should I take my life and die
Why do you hate father me tell me whyy
Do you know you bring those tears to my eyes
Father should I take my life and die
What did I do to deserve all the pain
All the things that go wrong I get all the blame
Everytime we fight it makes me go insane
Your words whip me like the end of a chain
I don't know what I'm doing here
I don't know why I feel this way
Everything that you say
And everything that you do
It makes me weak and sick just like the flu
Who knew about the abuse you put me through
Drowning my emotions until my mind grew
My life is no fun, it's turned into a chore
I'm crying with a roar and my throat becomes sore
I'm doing what I'm told and I'm feeling like a whore
When I look into your eyes all I see is your anger
Telling me to die like I was a stranger
Or maybe you should have killed me in the manger
Why do you hate me father tell me whyy
Do you know you bring those tears to my eyes
Father should I take my life and die
Why do you hate me father tell me whyy
Do you know you bring those tears to my eyes
Father should I take my life and die
I'm standing on the ladder with a rope around my throat
There's no need to cry or write my feelings on a note
I took the pole on my life and lost that vote
If I take one step my body will float
I'm crying in fear and my body starts to shake
I wish somebody was here just for my sake
I'm walking off the ladder I feel the rope break
My body starts to wake and shudder in that pain
The thoughts of hate and anger that shoot through my brain
Wishing I had never went against the grain
I want to be loved just like my older brother
I feel the guilt begin as the tears begin to smother
I'm crying in my head I want to hug my mother
I'm always reguarded as the other
Tell me why I'm hated please tell me father
Why do you hate me father tell me whyy
Do you know you bring those tears to my eyes
Father should I take my life and die
Why do you hate me father tell me whyy
Do you know you bring those tears to my eyes
Father should I take my life and die
I can't describe my condition but it ain't good
I'm sitting in my kitchen bleeding from the wrist I took a fuckin' shank to it
Not to mention I just drank a case of brake fluid
Satan made me do it
He told me he don't like the way I celebrate this day it's offensive
And now he has to teach me a lesson
He said he hates presents
He says the presents just acknowledge the presence of the man who signed his death sentence
And I'm a peasant in his eyes so why is he a king
The Devil told me if I died I'd have everything
No more waiting for December 25th to receive a gift
He said that with me in Hell would be a perfect fit
I perforated my wrist with a serrated blade
He said I had to do it on Christmas to seal my fate
And if I misbehaved he'd have to take my family too
They're sleeping in the other room, I hope they wake and thank me soon
I can't stand my life no more
Brains and guts all over the floor
Lost my soul and lost my wife
Fuck everybody I'm taking my life
I can't stand my life no more
Pools of blood all over the floor
Miss my kids and miss my wife
Fuck everybody I'm taking my life
It's Christmas morning and I'm all alone
Nobody knows I exist so I get the bone
My kids don't love me they want me dead
The ex-hoe is gone in someone elses bed
I just want to kill the bitch so I can die
Triple murder with my own suicide
Can you feel the pain that's deep inside
I'm on my final journey, on my final ride
My vein's are waiting to be released
My heart is waiting to be deceased
Presents under the tree now covered in blood
Brains turned to mush like a puddle of mud
I lay me down for my final nap
I'm just sick of life, I can't take this crap
As I write my letter I bleed and I cough
The only thing that it reads to all just fuck off
I can't stand my life no more
Brains and guts all over the floor
Lost my soul and lost my wife
Fuck everybody I'm taking my life
I can't stand my life no more
Pools of blood all over the floor
Miss my kids and miss my wife
Fuck everybody I'm taking my life
I put my children off to bed with happy visions in their head
And make sure all their tiny feet were tucked in
Now I'm reaching for the bullets and the trigger gonna pull it
Once the barrel of it hits my chin
I don't expect you'll understand it as you're cry and ask yourself
Why'd my daddy have to do this this way
And as the years pass by I know you may forget about me
But you'll all remember Christmas day
I'm a scream like a fuckin' Cherokee to the sky
When my chi exit through the fire out of my eye
It's the time of the year that I truly despise
And the kind of despair that I bury inside
I wrapped you a gift with strips of my heart
When you laughed at and dissed it and tore me apart
The best thing that you gave me was peace of the grave
When your soul cuts loose I'm a make it my slave
I can't stand my life no more
Brains and guts all over the floor
Lost my soul and lost my wife
Fuck everybody I'm taking my life
I can't stand my life no more
Pools of blood all over the floor
Miss my kids and miss my wife
Fuck everybody I'm taking my life
I can't stand my life no more
Brains and guts all over the floor
Lost my soul and lost my wife
Fuck everybody I'm taking my life
I can't stand my life no more
Pools of blood all over the floor
Miss my kids and miss my wife
Fuck everybody I'm taking my life
I'm sitting in my room with the thoughts in my head
I don't know who they are but they want someone dead
My medication bottles lay empty on the floor
I'm turning to myself to do the demons role
The doctors just think I'm another fuckin' crazy
The visions that I see are still kind of hazy
I'm negative to everyone that enters my life
I'm dangerous to myself cause I cut with this knife
Never been suicidal until the day they came
The pictures and voices that invaded my brain
I think I'm going insane and it makes me feel pain
My vision starts to blur as it turns into grain
I'm sitting in my room with the thoughts in my head
I don't know who they are but they want someone dead
You've got to take your pills is all that they say
It's hard to do them when they own me everyday
Impulses to murder people out on the streets
To listen to these problems is all that I seek
I'm able to stay focused and away from the noise
It's hard to be alive when half of you destroys
I'm wiping the blood on a new clean shirt
Oh God I hope someone didn't get themselves hurt
I'm searching outside to find dug up dirt
They said they found a body on top of the church
She was crucified like Jesus to his perch
The girl was naked except for a skirt
No known suspect at this point and time
But I know that this victim was mine
I gotta get these demons out of my mind
Or I'll be threat to all human kind
Medicine has no affect on my soul
It's probably because that's what the Devil stole
Doctors and therapist tell me that I'm fine
I'm murdering people so they must be blind
I'm sitting in my room with the thoughts in my head
I don't know who they are but they want someone dead
Everyday I heard this kid talking about his suicide
But no one thought of the day when he took his life at night
It didn't make sense to me and the family
Why would he cause such a horrific tragedy
Was it cause he hated everybody that he knew
Is this the reason that it made his plan brew
I wanted to know why my brother slit his wrist
Was it for the fact that he was constantly pissed
I'll tell you why I'm dead but you might not like the reason
Everybody whipped my ass just like I did some treason
Never through these years
Would I break down and shed my tears
I'd stand so strong and try to win but that never dawned
With affection what should be my response
But still I could never figure out what I did wrong
I was getting altered by my suicidal notions
You could dig down to my real bad emotions
Finally one day I ended it with a blade
As it cut my throat with a real fast motion
As the blood hit the wall oh so quickly
The voice I heard was sickly
Could this be the end of the life that I hated
Hitting the floor I no longer debated, but laid there and waited
Was it the thing that my life was truly faded
Hopefully it was cause my throat was just equated
My hearts black and it's full of pain
The sun shine down but the world's still grey
Lost everything that I once had inside
Just an empty shell cause my mind done died
I sink further down in my hole everyday
I hide from the world cause I've got nothing left to say
The soul without a voice, the man without a face
Can you free me from these chains and take me out this place
I opened up my window and the wall turned grey
My parents are away and my anger is today
I found myself alone in a cold dark room
While thinking to myself that I'll never leave the room
No time for drama cause my veins are so dry
Confessions fall apart so I sleep until the day I die
But eventual like the day all the kids are playing ball
Just want to walk over there, kill them all
But they never saw the personality that I had
And they never want a best friend, too bad
My name is Anthony my feelings are insinc with me
I rape just for hype but my hate is the entirety
Caught in this world the only way that I'm in my zone
Rapping about these troubles is what I do with microphone
That's the only way that you'll listen to my heartache
And I wasn't a mistake and I'm never gonna break
But true feelings that I have for all these people
Cause they never saw me coming and I wasn't even equal
Cause I lied about the truth and I did it so long
And I wait for you to say hey, just wrong
But the sun never shining in the clear blue skies
And I haven't been yours since I was baptized
But I won't come again
And I'll never see time again, I'll never be alright again
My hearts black and it's full of pain
The sun shine down but the world's still grey
Lost everything that I once had inside
Just an empty shell cause my mind done died
I sink further down in my hole everyday
I hide from the world cause I've got nothing left to say
The soul without a voice, the man without a face
Can you free me from these chains and take me out this place
Sometimes I get so stressed I want to take my final breath
And I can't find faith in God so I found faith in death
If I could turn back the hands of time I wouldn't
God hates me anyways so I took the trigger and I pull it
And now I'm dead with a bullet in my head
In a deep sleep I creep as my vision turns red
Instead of coping with my problems let the millimeter solve 'em
I guess this is goodbye, hope this helps you through your problem
I was a hero to a few kids out there
Understand disciples that my music's always right there
And if you join me then I'll see you on the otherside
In the flame we'll reside, we'll dance with the Devil in the moonlight
I did stuff and I hope you know I understand it
I have no faith in God cause I lost it all, God Dammit
And now I'm Hell bound to burn for eternity
The voices keep assuring me, I'll see you all eventually
My hearts black and it's full of pain
The sun shine down but the world's still grey
Lost everything that I once had inside
Just an empty shell cause my mind done died
I sink further down in my hole everyday
I hide from the world cause I've got nothing left to say
The soul without a voice, the man without a face
Can you free me from these chains and take me out this place
I'm on my own, I'm all alone
No one to help me, back to my home
The flame inside, has slowly died
No one to help me, help revive the light
Is there anybody?
That'll help me save my life
Is there anybody?
Or is it just suicide
Is there anybody?
That'll help me save my life
Is there anybody?
Or is it just suicide
I crumble down, what am I now
No one to help me, get off the ground
Now tell me why, you closed your eyes
You wouldn't help me, help revive my life
Is there anybody?
That'll help me save my life
Is there anybody?
Or is it just suicide
Is there anybody?
That'll help me save my life
Is there anybody?
Or is it just suicide
All that is left, is your regret
You could have helped me, regain my breath
Now dead and gone, I lived too long
This blade that helped me, right all my wrongs
Now I follow deep into this ever lasting pain and sorrow
Now I follow through with all of you left facing my tomorrow
Now I follow deep into the afterlife so cold and hollow
Now with all of you left standing don't you even plan to follow
Is there anybody?
That'll help me save my life
Is there anybody?
Or is it just suicide
Is there anybody?
That'll help me save my life
Is there anybody?
Or is it just suicide
Is there anybody?
That'll help me save my life
Is there anybody?
Or is it just suicide
Is there anybody?
That'll help me save my life
Is there anybody?
Or is it just suicide
I got myself a little story to tell
About me and my ex-girlfriend Michelle
Now some days were heaven and the rest were hell
And all the fights where we would both scream and yell
So Imma let out my side of the story
No fiction just facts all happy and gory
Some nights we would kick back laugh and get horny
We would fuck till we both collapsed passed out till the morning sun came up
But what the fuck some nights we would fight over God knows what
No matter how hot our temperatures reached
We always seemed to make up before we went to sleep
But I would dream of days where we wouldn't need to scream
Apologize after but every fight it seems to hard to reach
Please about to cry and drop down to my knees
I plead to God please stop this is it her or me
I said I loved you but now that's a loss
The desire and fire is smothered by the frost
Of your evil and cold and disgusting heart
Leave me alone and I'll leave you to rot
It never mattered what I told her when her mind was made up
That was it, case closed and bolted fuckin' shut
When we first started talking I was kind of a slut
But I changed for her, all those ties I just cut
I wanted to be with her that much but something was fucked
I asked her to change for me but that was askin' too much
She would start fights over things I couldn't imagine
I'd sit back and ask what the fuck just happened
But I couldn't turn away something kept me right there
Sit and staring at her face through this fuckin' nightmare
And it never got better it just always got worse
It was only just a little screamin' and pushin' at first
But then she started slap me in the face
Thought of her son, the fuckin' situation just changed
I was brought face to face with a rage I have never had tasted
I put my hands out of the ways I vowed never to place them
I said I loved you but now that's a loss
The desire and fire is smothered by the frost
Of your evil and cold and disgusting heart
Leave me alone and I'll leave you to rot
You want to leave me since this life is so fuckin' pathetic
And don't even turn to Sister Margret or Derrick
I wanted to be friends I didn't want it to come to this
I didn't want to have to spit about how fucked our relationship is
Or should I say was
Cause you're ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Just brush you off of my shoulders and keep going
I didn't know you were so fuckin' crazy well maybe I did
But I was hopin' it was just a faze
But everyday you never seize to amaze
But those days are gone long lost in a haze
Buried back in the furthest part of my brain
Cause I'm straight with all your stupid fuckin' bullshit
Leave your fuckin' comments I know can't control it
You're a little kid at heart that never grew up
Twenty eight years old and you're just a fuckin' screw up
I said I loved you but now that's a loss
The desire and fire is smothered by the frost
Of your evil and cold and disgusting heart
Leave me alone and I'll leave you to rot
I said I loved you but now that's a loss
The desire and fire is smothered by the frost
Of your evil and cold and disgusting heart
Leave me alone and I'll leave you to rot
I'm so sorry but I hate myself today
I'm so sorry it's time I end my life this way
I hate myself in so many ways I don't wanna play this game any longer
Cause I'm no stronger than when I was younger
Count my body out cause nobody ever gave a fuck or found me
No one ever took my threat seriously but how much more serious can I be
With this rope around my throat I close my eyes say goodbye to this life that I despise
Would all my friends be so surprised that then it is implied I had to die
I never wanted it to happen this way
As I begin to tighten the noose I wonder if anybody is gonna be upset or will everybody forget
I never wanted it to happen this way
Is anybody gonna remember my name remember the pain or is it the pain that landed my face on the front page
I'm so sorry but I killed myself today
I'm so sorry my life just saw no other way
I guess you never know what you got until it's gone
And my mom I'm so sorry but you gotta be strong
I know it's getting harder as the years go on
You know I love you more than the words to this song
But I lost this everlasting battle and I know I was wrong
But I saw no other way never saw any other solutions
And now I'm using this noose till I lose my soul inside
Just close your eyes and keep me alive inside of your mind
To my mom, you should know
How much I love you, but I must go
To my mom, dry your eyes
It won't be long, till we reunite
I never wanted it to happen this way
As I begin to tighten the noose I wonder if anybody is gonna be upset or will everybody forget
I never wanted it to happen this way
Is anybody gonna remember my name remember the pain or is it the pain that landed my face on the front page
I fight this war inside (fight this war inside)
But I just couldn't hold on
Cause of this war I died (cause of this war I died)
Or I just wouldn't be strong
I fight this war inside (fight this war inside)
But I just couldn't hold on
Cause of this war I died (cause of this war I died)
Or I just wouldn't be strong
I never wanted it to happen this way
As I begin to tighten the noose I wonder if anybody is gonna be upset or will everybody forget
I never wanted it to happen this way
Is anybody gonna remember my name remember the pain or is it the pain that landed my face on the front page
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I'm pretty sure it all began when I was just a kid
With no fuckin' friends just a dog to give
All my love to I just want to cut my skin
And that's just what I did it helped me cope within
It's hard for a child livin' day after day
When nobody that would care if they saw this face
I knew I wouldn't be missed if I just cut myself away
The day my only friend died I had a tight grip on the blade
Another rip in the page, I wanna whip out the gauge
I'm so sick of this rage, such a prick to fuck with a kid this age
Borderline suicidal when I finally decided it wasn't worth all the pain
I rise up out of the earth in the rain and wait for the day to clear it away
You will never win I will fight you till the end of time
You can break my mind but you will never take my life
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
So then my life all started to get a little bit better
My purpose in this world became clear the day that I met her
The one thing in life that I held almost as close as my mother
No matter what happens in the end I know I'll never forget her
She was the only person I knew who had a life worse than mine
I would help her she would help me I thought everything was fine
Until the night we had a fight she left crying in the rain
The next time I heard name was on the news she was burning in flames
I felt it scorchin' my brain, my heart is burstin' with pain
My life will never be the same and now my wife has left me again
Once again I'm left fighting the end
I wanna slit my wrists so I can tell her that I'm sorry
Everybody tells me to be strong, I gotta be
Do I end this and let this maybe become a part of me or do I keep livin'
I'm sick of these decisions I'm givin' why won't you just stop haunting me
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
So what am I suppose to do now
Will I survive
Everything I loved is gone now
I want to die
Why the fuck does this hurt so much
I can end it with this loaded gun that I got clutched
We all know there ain't a goddamn thing that can stop me
But why give you the pleasure of watchin' this glock drop me
My baby knows that I'm sorry she wouldn't let me pull the trigger
She'd want me to be the bigger man and relax and figure
I fought you once and better believe Im gonna fight you again
I'll fight you within, I'll fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
I fought you once and I will fight you again
I will fight you within, I will fight till I win
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
If you were so concerned you would know by now
That I am definitely not just fuckin' around
The things that are on my mind that I find is suicide
But I just can't close my eyes and black out this mortal life
I wish so bad each day that I could find a face
That really feels what they say but each face keeps turning away
All your lies come together each time
All your lies feed the fire inside
All your lies give me the desire to die
Realize you're really the only reason why
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
If you were so concerned you would know by now
That I have needed your help to prevent me from falling down
You would have seen the signs if you weren't so fuckin' blind
This veil that's covering your eyes impaired from hearing my cries
To whom it may concern, to every boy and girl
They claim they knew me so well just burn me worse than the depths of hell
I question, I question your faith, I question, I question your love
I question, I question my life now when push comes to shove
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
Everytime I close my eyes I can't explain how it hurts
Why the fuck weren't you there like you all said you would be
Now I'm forced to leave this world
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
To whom it may concern (To whom it may concern)
Please don't go away
It hurts so much inside
Please don't run from me
I know the fault's all mine
We were so close now so far away
And I wish I could say all the things I really wanna say
But I buckle under the pressure how could I let her slip away
And I, you know who you are I don't think I need to say any names
And I don't know if you'll ever again look at my face
In your life, so now I turn to the knife I wanna embrace this blade
Cause I can't imagine life without you never dare let something in my way
So now I write my stupid letter that will let her know know my pain inside
Please don't go away
It hurts so much inside
Please don't run from me
I know the fault's all mine
I really can't explain how I let you out of my grips
I must be out of my wits
Cause all this happened to evaporate now I'm back in the place
That place I never really wanted to face
I can't get back in this motherfuckin' race again
With a pace that will never be like it was back then
My bat's crackin' and I don't think I'll ever feel the same again
Put on a fake smile so nobody will be runnin' up and askin' what happened
The fact is I fucked up and I really want to cut my throat
My heart is already stoned dead cold and I think I want to hold my nose
Oh what a sight though I won't let nobody inside me
Unless it was the one that was causing me to do bodily harm
So now I call up my mom and telling her I'm sorry
Don't cry for me just close my eyes and kiss my body goodbye
Please don't go away
It hurts so much inside
Please don't run from me
I know the fault's all mine
And now I'm searchin' for a better ending for this story
But there is no other ending for me
So now I close my eyes and now I hold the knife
Now I know it's right, don't you go and cry
And now I'm searchin' for a, a better way to say I love you
But there's really nothing else I can do
So now I end it all until my body falls
I wanna hear your call, I hear nothing at all
Please don't go away
It hurts so much inside
Please don't run from me
I know the fault's all mine
Please don't go away
It hurts so much inside
Please don't run from me
I know the fault's all mine
